Note from the Editor:
This article was kindly written for the SDC by retired psychologist/ member @Joy Straw.

Speak to us of children
Your children are not your children
They are the sons and daughters of life’s longing for itself
They come through you, but not from you
And though they are with you, yet, they belong, not to you,

You may give them your love, but not your thoughts
For they have their own thoughts
You may house their bodies, but not their souls
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,

Which you cannot visit not even in your dreams,
You may strive to be like them
But seat not to make them like you
For life goes not backward, nor tarries with yesterday

You are the bows from which your children'
As living arrows are sent forth
The archdioceses the mark upon the path of the infinite
And he bends you with his might.

That his arrows, may go swift and far,
Let your bending in the archers hand be for gladness
For even as he loves the arrow that flies,
So he loves also the bow that is stable.

Kahlil Gibran 1883-1931.

Whether the parent, or grandparent, Gibran’s poem rings true. We can’t be our children nor should we try to make them like us. If we have children in our lives, we need to help them to grow into their best selves. We do this by teaching morals, values, and emotions, but also by a living example.

Helping children regulate their feelings will be one way to help them self actualise.

First we meet the basic physiological needs:

1. Food, water shelter
2. Create a safe home
3. Let them feel love and belonging
4. Fill their self-esteem and help them, acquire honour and recognition
5. Our aim is for them to reach their highest potential

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[Brody]

Hello Joy I am the Grandmother of a gorgeous 23 year old Grandson. I have been in his life from day one. I love him beyond reason.
His name is Brody Charles, and he is on the Spectrum of Asbergers Autism. He is a very, lovable young man, with a major problem with a condition of "An Oppositional Defiance Disorder". Unfortunately this condition has caused a major problem for him particularly where his Food Choices are concerned. This has resulted in. Him being very Vitamin
Deficient. This has reached a Critical Problem now. I need to find a Dietician who has an understanding of Autism who can assist him to change his thinking of food, and not refuse the same food after a few times.
His Mum passed away two years ago, but he has been in my care permanently
since he was 12years of Age.
I am at a total loss of how to proceed .
with this as it is now critical.
Any advice would be very well received,
in any manner.of assistance.

 

[Joy Straw]

Hello Joy I am the Grandmother of a gorgeous 23 year old Grandson. I have been in his life from day one. I love him beyond reason.
His name is Brody Charles, and he is on the Spectrum of Asbergers Autism. He is a very, lovable young man, with a major problem with a condition of "An Oppositional Defiance Disorder". Unfortunately this condition has caused a major problem for him particularly where his Food Choices are concerned. This has resulted in. Him being very Vitamin
Deficient. This has reached a Critical Problem now. I need to find a Dietician who has an understanding of Autism who can assist him to change his thinking of food, and not refuse the same food after a few times.
His Mum passed away two years ago, but he has been in my care permanently
since he was 12years of Age.
I am at a total loss of how to proceed .
with this as it is now critical.
Any advice would be very well received,
in any manner.of assistance.

Hi Brody I’m sorry for the struggle you are experiencing with your grandson I would like to write an article addressing parenting of grandchildren. Both you and Brody have suffered some significant losses and gone through some tough times together. Difficulty with ASD though, the person maybe older physically, ,emotionally, they are still very young. I understand the difficulties associated with dietary requirements for children with ASD and also ODD. I Strongly recommend you have psychological therapy with a trained and understanding autistic specialist. A visit to your GP and Specialised healthcare Plan addressing behaviour, management and dietary needs. Please seek out Respite Care in your area if only to give yourself a break. If you don’t look after yourself there will not be enough of you to take care of Brody. Also if you are not already on the NDIS you must apply and use this to fund a carer to give you respite and Brody a different person to learn from. My suggestion would be to contact Autism Australia find out if they know any specialist. Pick your battles with the ODD And let the small issues flow away. I’m sure you are suffering grief and loss, but it is important that you take care of yourself first. Please know that there are people around you who will be able to help. First port of call GP
Wellways Support for Carers 1800 422 737
ASD Australia 02 6181 0974
Autism Spectrum Australia 1800 277 328
! Good luck and best wishes for you both and my sincere sympathy for the loss you both have suffered Joy

 

[Brody]

Hi Brody I’m sorry for the struggle you are experiencing with your grandson I would like to write an article addressing parenting of grandchildren. Both you and Brody have suffered some significant losses and gone through some tough times together. Difficulty with ASD though, the person maybe older physically, ,emotionally, they are still very young. I understand the difficulties associated with dietary requirements for children with ASD and also ODD. I Strongly recommend you have psychological therapy with a trained and understanding autistic specialist. A visit to your GP and Specialised healthcare Plan addressing behaviour, management and dietary needs. Please seek out Respite Care in your area if only to give yourself a break. If you don’t look after yourself there will not be enough of you to take care of Brody. Also if you are not already on the NDIS you must apply and use this to fund a carer to give you respite and Brody a different person to learn from. My suggestion would be to contact Autism Australia find out if they know any specialist. Pick your battles with the ODD And let the small issues flow away. I’m sure you are suffering grief and loss, but it is important that you take care of yourself first. Please know that there are people around you who will be able to help. First port of call GP
Wellways Support for Carers 1800 422 737
ASD Australia 02 6181 0974
Autism Spectrum Australia 1800 277 328
! Good luck and best wishes for you both and my sincere sympathy for the loss you both have suffered Joy

 

[Brody]

Thank you Joy he does have some excellent people who help immensely. It just seems difficult to find specific people for a specific problem. But I will take on board your suggestions and see what may come of it.
Thank you very much for your suggestions they are very welcome.