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Ask Joy: Finding a Positive Path through Dementia

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By April Bradford
  • Replies 15
Note from the Editor:
This article was kindly written for the SDC by retired psychologist/ member @Joy Straw.

There is a great deal of fear associated with the word dementia. Fear that you may or may not have this, or your loved one may or may not have this, and the inevitable ‘what will happen in the future’. If you’re on this path, there are a couple of things you can do to help ease the confusion and fear.

First and foremost, finding out if you or your loved one has dementia and then learning about this disease. There will not be a diagnosis in this article, but I’m hoping it will show you a pathway that will help answer some questions and lead you to finding more of your own answers.

The first thing to do is find out if you or your loved one has dementia. There’s little point in sitting there, hoping that it’s not going to happen, putting your head in the sand and hoping it will all go away. Fear can be our biggest enemy, but information can be our support. Dementia comes in many shapes and forms.

If you suspect there is a problem, these are what you should look for and note down.

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April Bradford said:
Note from the Editor:
This article was kindly written for the SDC by retired psychologist/ member @Joy Straw.

There is a great deal of fear associated with the word dementia. Fear that you may or may not have this, or your loved one may or may not have this, and the inevitable ‘what will happen in the future’. If you’re on this path, there are a couple of things you can do to help ease the confusion and fear.

First and foremost, finding out if you or your loved one has dementia and then learning about this disease. There will not be a diagnosis in this article, but I’m hoping it will show you a pathway that will help answer some questions and lead you to finding more of your own answers.

The first thing to do is find out if you or your loved one has dementia. There’s little point in sitting there, hoping that it’s not going to happen, putting your head in the sand and hoping it will all go away. Fear can be our biggest enemy, but information can be our support. Dementia comes in many shapes and forms.

If you suspect there is a problem, these are what you should look for and note down.

I ve been working with people with dementia for almost 20 years now, but recently I spend time with a friend who has been diagnosed with it, and it is another level. Seeing someone close to you going through those changes, getting frustrated and angry ... even if you ve been trained to handle these situations and are doing the hopefully right thing on autopilot... it hurts to see a loved one so confused! And I always said: At least I can go home at the end of the day! The partner/family can not!
 
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Reactions: Joy Straw, johno cpfc, NicholaM and 3 others
April Bradford said:
Note from the Editor:
This article was kindly written for the SDC by retired psychologist/ member @Joy Straw.

There is a great deal of fear associated with the word dementia. Fear that you may or may not have this, or your loved one may or may not have this, and the inevitable ‘what will happen in the future’. If you’re on this path, there are a couple of things you can do to help ease the confusion and fear.

First and foremost, finding out if you or your loved one has dementia and then learning about this disease. There will not be a diagnosis in this article, but I’m hoping it will show you a pathway that will help answer some questions and lead you to finding more of your own answers.

The first thing to do is find out if you or your loved one has dementia. There’s little point in sitting there, hoping that it’s not going to happen, putting your head in the sand and hoping it will all go away. Fear can be our biggest enemy, but information can be our support. Dementia comes in many shapes and forms.

If you suspect there is a problem, these are what you should look for and note down.

  • Like
  • Love
Reactions: Joy Straw, Knell, MIZMAC and 2 others
April Bradford said:
Note from the Editor:
This article was kindly written for the SDC by retired psychologist/ member @Joy Straw.

There is a great deal of fear associated with the word dementia. Fear that you may or may not have this, or your loved one may or may not have this, and the inevitable ‘what will happen in the future’. If you’re on this path, there are a couple of things you can do to help ease the confusion and fear.

First and foremost, finding out if you or your loved one has dementia and then learning about this disease. There will not be a diagnosis in this article, but I’m hoping it will show you a pathway that will help answer some questions and lead you to finding more of your own answers.

The first thing to do is find out if you or your loved one has dementia. There’s little point in sitting there, hoping that it’s not going to happen, putting your head in the sand and hoping it will all go away. Fear can be our biggest enemy, but information can be our support. Dementia comes in many shapes and forms.

If you suspect there is a problem, these are what you should look for and note down.

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April Bradford said:
Note from the Editor:
This article was kindly written for the SDC by retired psychologist/ member @Joy Straw.

There is a great deal of fear associated with the word dementia. Fear that you may or may not have this, or your loved one may or may not have this, and the inevitable ‘what will happen in the future’. If you’re on this path, there are a couple of things you can do to help ease the confusion and fear.

First and foremost, finding out if you or your loved one has dementia and then learning about this disease. There will not be a diagnosis in this article, but I’m hoping it will show you a pathway that will help answer some questions and lead you to finding more of your own answers.

The first thing to do is find out if you or your loved one has dementia. There’s little point in sitting there, hoping that it’s not going to happen, putting your head in the sand and hoping it will all go away. Fear can be our biggest enemy, but information can be our support. Dementia comes in many shapes and forms.

If you suspect there is a problem, these are what you should look for and note down.

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  • Like
Reactions: Joy Straw and Knell
Thank you,Joy. My mother and now my beloved sister and my brother both have this horrible thing. I can’t begin to tell you how much I despise this creeping menace that takes so much from us in such a horrible manner. For those of us who care for our loved ones….you die a little every day,as they do. Every. Damned. Day. I’m not coping. I’m angry and sad all the time but I’m good when dealing with the “sibs”. It just breaks my heart. It’s so,so bloody cruel.
 
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maxesmum said:
Thank you,Joy. My mother and now my beloved sister and my brother both have this horrible thing. I can’t begin to tell you how much I despise this creeping menace that takes so much from us in such a horrible manner. For those of us who care for our loved ones….you die a little every day,as they do. Every. Damned. Day. I’m not coping. I’m angry and sad all the time but I’m good when dealing with the “sibs”. It just breaks my heart. It’s so,so bloody cruel.
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I have just started on this journey with my darling wife of 59 years and i am struggling with it at the moment and i have to stop and wait before answering her strange questions but i try not to get angry as i know she already knows the answer to them but the dementia is getting in the way. I love her deeply and am i bit scared and anxious about what is going to happen in the not so distant future . She has accepted the diagnosis at the moment so we are just going about our normal day to day things and hoping for the best.
 
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johno cpfc said:
I have just started on this journey with my darling wife of 59 years and i am struggling with it at the moment and i have to stop and wait before answering her strange questions but i try not to get angry as i know she already knows the answer to them but the dementia is getting in the way. I love her deeply and am i bit scared and anxious about what is going to happen in the not so distant future . She has accepted the diagnosis at the moment so we are just going about our normal day to day things and hoping for the best.
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Hey,johno,if you ever want to chat,need a shoulder,whatever,message me. Sometimes it’s good to have someone outside the family to have a whinge to….or a cry. Cheers to you and your darling wife and bless you for taking her on her challenging journey.
 
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maxesmum said:
Thank you,Joy. My mother and now my beloved sister and my brother both have this horrible thing. I can’t begin to tell you how much I despise this creeping menace that takes so much from us in such a horrible manner. For those of us who care for our loved ones….you die a little every day,as they do. Every. Damned. Day. I’m not coping. I’m angry and sad all the time but I’m good when dealing with the “sibs”. It just breaks my heart. It’s so,so bloody cruel.
Click to expand...
Dear Maxesmum, it is a soul sucking illness an I’m so sorry you are going through this. My closest friend is also going through this with her husband and even though I know a lot of facts it doesn’t lessen the emotional impact that watching someone you love go through this. Please read the article on Grief and take care of yourself this is a slow and long journey Joy
 
johno cpfc said:
I have just started on this journey with my darling wife of 59 years and i am struggling with it at the moment and i have to stop and wait before answering her strange questions but i try not to get angry as i know she already knows the answer to them but the dementia is getting in the way. I love her deeply and am i bit scared and anxious about what is going to happen in the not so distant future . She has accepted the diagnosis at the moment so we are just going about our normal day to day things and hoping for the best.
Click to expand...
Dear John this is not usually a fast journey but it is an exhausting journey, both physically and emotionally. Several people I know have copied the “How to respond “ table and put on their fridge so they can remind themselves how best to avoid clashes. Please remember that you darling wife is still in their and your love will never be lost it will however be hidden behind all that Dementia throws at you. Please look after yourself my thoughts are with you Joy ❤️‍🩹
 
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Thankyou for this article Joy. I do mosaics with a lady who's husband has dementia. I have known him for some time & regularly ask this lady how he is. The things she tells me would be funny except for the fact the whole experience is dragging her down. His actions & questions are repetitious & annoying to her due to his lack of memory. He doesn't want to go out with anyone but her for a coffee or whatever for the fear that the person, even family member, will put him into a home. He is in his 90's &, sad to say, she has stated that it would be nice if he was taken from her. One thing that hasn't changed with him whenever we meet, is his droll sense of humour, which l guess we can be thankful for. All l can do is listen to her & try to lend a comforting word & occasional hug whenever possible. I find this very sad for her but she has a supportive family.
 
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