Note from the Editor:
This article was kindly written for the SDC by retired psychologist/ member @Joy Straw.

Domestic Violence is an enormous issue in Australia today, and we should all be working to help resolve it.

‘In the year 2021/22, 4620 women aged 15 years and over (average 13 women per day) were hospitalised due to family or domestic violence 1 in 4 women (27%) had experienced violence, emotional abuse or economic abuse by a cohabiting partner since the age of 15 years.’

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[Col@45]

Men who hit and abuse women are nothing but cowards....if another man fronted them, they'd run a mile.

 

[marni]

.

 

[DLHM]

I’m glad that @Joy Straw clarified that the perpetrator is “he” for the sake of the article. I know, first hand that there are a lot more males suffering at the hands of females than what has been reported.

 

[Veggiepatch]

I’m glad that @Joy Straw clarified that the perpetrator is “he” for the sake of the article. I know, first hand that there are a lot more males suffering at the hands of females than what has been reported.

There is a stigma surrounding males reporting domestic violence at the hands of female perpetrators. Generally, allegations of male/female instances of DV are presumptive in that is the male is ALWAYS the perpetrator. A matter of "he said....she said" scenario where the female generally wins, regardless of the facts.

Just ask me. Having been struck over the head with a wooden doll's house, I suffered a gash to my forehead which bled profusely. My reaction was to restrain my former partner who cried "You've broken my shoulder!"

The attending police officers told me to take a 20 minute walk to settle down with blood pissing out everywhere. Such a lovely sight for the neighbours!

Next day, I was asked to attend the Bundaberg Police Station for a "five minute interview" regarding the incident which lasted almost an hour. Then I spent the next six days in custody, charged with aggravated assault and spent the next 33 days in Maryborough Correctional Centre.

Go figure!

 

[marni]

I’m glad that @Joy Straw clarified that the perpetrator is “he” for the sake of the article. I know, first hand that there are a lot more males suffering at the hands of females than what has been reported.

Why are they not reporting. It’s abuse no matter who does it. It’s time we called it out without embarrassment. Here in a village we asked why he put up with it and the answer was she cooks and cleans. Aaaagggh

 

[Jest]

to those who suffer, be strong, and be independent.

 

[Jarred Santos]

Thanks so much for this, @Joy Straw! Another insightful read.

How do you advise people to deal with friends/loved ones who are stuck in abusive relationships but who also have no desire to leave because they still believe their partners can change (among the many, many other reasons)?

 

[Joy Straw]

Thanks so much for this, @Joy Straw! Another insightful read.

How do you advise people to deal with friends/loved ones who are stuck in abusive relationships but who also have no desire to leave because they still believe their partners can change (among the many, many other reasons)?

Stand by your friend/relative but don’t force the issue. Offer constructive ideas for leaving but remember they are usually in love or enmeshed with the abuser and it can be very difficult to leave. Remember their self worth has been seriously impaired or they wouldn’t allow the abuse. Praising them and stating what they are good at (no matter how small) and how much they deserve good things in their lives is important, however never force the issue. Forcing the issue can backfire and lead to more abuse or a tightening of control by the abuser. As soon as the person expresses they want to leave then offer as much support as possible but remember this is the time of greatest danger to the victim. Empower them to realise they do have control and can make a difference in their life.

Why are they not reporting. It’s abuse no matter who does it. It’s time we called it out without embarrassment. Here in a village we asked why he put up with itand the answer was she cooks and cleans. Aaaagggh

 

[Joy Straw]

Why are they not reporting. It’s abuse no matter who does it. It’s time we called it out without embarrassment. Here in a village we asked why he put up with it and the answer was she cooks and cleans. Aaaagggh

Marni yes your point is very true but sometimes it’s easier to say nothing. You also have the right to make a statement to police or child welfare if you believe someone is being abused. It is why now police can take out an AVO on behalf of a victim of abuse because it can be very difficult for them to speak up against the abuse. I hope more people speak up and call it for what it is

 

[Jarred Santos]

Stand by your friend/relative but don’t force the issue. Offer constructive ideas for leaving but remember they are usually in love or enmeshed with the abuser and it can be very difficult to leave. Remember their self worth has been seriously impaired or they wouldn’t allow the abuse. Praising them and stating what they are good at (no matter how small) and how much they deserve good things in their lives is important, however never force the issue. Forcing the issue can backfire and lead to more abuse or a tightening of control by the abuser. As soon as the person expresses they want to leave then offer as much support as possible but remember this is the time of greatest danger to the victim. Empower them to realise they do have control and can make a difference in their life.

Thank you for the response, Joy! I'll take this to heart. Sometimes because we care too much, we can be too rough even with the intent to knock some sense to our friends and loved ones in such relationships.