Are you guilty of this 'rude' party faux pas that's shocking parents across the country?

Navigating social etiquette can often feel like walking through a minefield, especially when cultural expectations clash. This is something many of us have experienced at one point or another, but it seems to be particularly perplexing for newcomers to Australia, as one mum's recent experience highlights.


The mum, an expat who has recently settled Down Under, was left scratching her head after throwing a birthday bash for her husband. Despite the party's success, there was one aspect that left her feeling disappointed: the apparent lack of gift-giving by the guests.


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An expat in Australia is surprised by the lack of gifts at her husband's birthday party, sparking a debate on birthday etiquette. Credit: Shutterstock


In a post to a local community group, the mum expressed her confusion over the guests arriving empty-handed, despite her hint that cash gifts would be appreciated to help her husband save for a special purchase. This sparked a lively debate among Australians and expats alike, with over 100 responses flooding in to weigh in on the issue.


The question of whether to bring a gift to an adult's birthday party seems to have divided opinions. Some argue that in Australia, the practice of gifting, particularly giving cash, is not as common for adults as it is for children or for significant milestones like weddings or landmark birthdays. The top comment, which garnered significant support, suggested that adult gift-giving isn't a big thing in Australia, especially when it comes to cash.

Others pointed out that the host's own invitation may have contributed to the confusion. By stating that gifts were not mandatory, she may have inadvertently signalled to guests that their presence was gift enough. In times of economic uncertainty, when many are feeling the pinch, a 'no gifts' request is likely to be taken at face value more than ever.

Yet, there's a contingent that feels strongly about the importance of not showing up to a party empty-handed. A bottle of wine, a box of chocolates, or even a simple card are seen as gestures of appreciation and celebration. This group argues that it's a matter of common courtesy, a way to show gratitude for the host's hospitality.


The debate also touched on cultural differences in gift-giving. For some cultures, presenting cash at celebrations is the norm, and arriving without a gift would be considered impolite. The discussion revealed that what might be seen as a transactional or impersonal gesture in one culture could be a traditional and expected offering in another.

So, where does this leave us? It seems that the answer to whether or not to bring a gift to an adult's birthday party in Australia is not clear-cut. It's a nuanced issue that depends on a variety of factors, including cultural background, the nature of the event, and the specific wording of the invitation.

For our senior members, who have seen social norms evolve over the years, this might be a familiar dilemma. Have you noticed a shift in gift-giving etiquette over the decades? Do you think it's important to bring a gift to an adult's birthday party, or is the expectation outdated?

Key Takeaways
  • An expatriate living in Australia was surprised and disappointed by the lack of gifts at her husband's birthday party, sparking a debate about Australian birthday etiquette.
  • While some commenters suggested that gifting for adult birthdays isn't common in Australia, others found it rude to arrive empty-handed.
  • The woman's experience highlighted cultural differences in gifting, with some supporting the notion of always bringing a token of appreciation to a party.
  • The discussion also touched upon the appropriateness of requesting cash gifts, with varied opinions on whether this was considered polite or too transactional in Australian culture.
We'd love to hear your thoughts on this topic. Have you ever been surprised by the expectations around gift-giving at parties? Do you have any advice for those unsure about what to do? Share your experiences and insights in the comments below, and let's navigate the ever-changing landscape of social etiquette together.
 
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If we are invited to an adult birthday we always give a gift 🎁 depending on what that person is turning. If it's a 21st , 40th ect we give cash and ammount depends if it's a house party or reception.

All other birthdays we give a good bottle of wine and chocolates.

When we go to a wedding we give money. If it's a niece or nephew my husband and I give $1,000 our kids give their own gift usually $300 to $500 a couple.

If it's a non relative, we give between $300 to $500 from hubby and me.

I thought this was etiquette.
I also thought Aussies were very giving.
 
Times have changed.
In the past, gift giving may well have been the normal. We rarely go to birthday celebrations that are not for family members.
If we attend a child's birthday party, family or not, a gift is offered without hesitation.
If we attend an adult extended family member's birthday party, we usually ask what the person might want. Normally, the answer is, bring nothing but yourselves.
If it is a party for close family, it's either a present given in the form of cash, or something we know for sure they want or need. Mind you, apart from children, we don't hold many parties for birthdays. One has to be realistic in their expectations and ability to outlay the money for a full on bash.
Our family celebrations usually involve everyone bringing a contribution to the food, and, because we are predominantly a non-drinking family, guests who want to drink know to bring their own alcohol esky.

The only advise I would offer on the matter is this. If you are invited to a party and don't know the proper protocol....ask the host. Then, make your decision whether to go or not based on your feelings about the answer. It's not rocket science...just common sense.
 
I'm 63, and I was brought up to take something to a party, if you couldn't afford a present then take a card and put some money in it. Usually back then it was a couple of $1 notes or sticky tape some coins inside the card. As for adults my mum would take a cake she baked or offer to make a hot dish. 😊 I think young people to day, think money is easy to come by and expect to have what they want.
 
For Children, definitely a gift, kids really look forwards to a Birthday Gift, as good as Christmas to them BUT Adults are something else, Nothing wrong with giving a gift, maybe a Gift Card, to an Adult BUT suggesting that a a particular Gift OR a Cash Amount is EXPECTED, STINKS of typical American Consumerism to me. DEFINTELY UN- AUSTRALIAN !!!
 
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I am old school, if you are invited to a birthday party, in my opinion you should take a gift. Even if it is a bottle of wine or champagne or even a six pack of their favourite beers, just wrap a ribbon around it chocolates flowers.
A gift voucher. It is difficult as we get older to buy for someone. If the person is a gardener a nice plant. If it's a big birthday a newspaper from the day they were born
If they love to travel a passport folder. Bigger gifts maybe a few can put in.
I have noticed the young generation just turn up with nothing. Drink eat and not stay long and gone. Good manners are slowly disappearing sadly.
Kind regards to all Vicki
 
If we are invited to an adult birthday we always give a gift 🎁 depending on what that person is turning. If it's a 21st , 40th ect we give cash and ammount depends if it's a house party or reception.

All other birthdays we give a good bottle of wine and chocolates.

When we go to a wedding we give money. If it's a niece or nephew my husband and I give $1,000 our kids give their own gift usually $300 to $500 a couple.

If it's a non relative, we give between $300 to $500 from hubby and me.

I thought this was etiquette.
I also thought Aussies were very giving.
When I was younger a Birthday present was the same Christmas present, Booze or Fags? now it's just a card or text if they remember.
 
I think as an expat moving to Australia, this story is very true! Aussie in general are loud and very aggressive!
I'm Aussie through n through and have a large family and growing up knew alot of people , mostly Aussies and sorry to say they were not aggressive and they were just as loud as any one else having fun.

I met quite a few English people along the way and found them very loud and aggressive, they always thought they were right.

Then I met alot of Greeks and Italians and they were very loud when they were having fun.

My thing is when you go to another country , respect the people of that country or just go home.

As an Aussie I take offence at being told we are a very Aggressive bunch and loud
 

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