[Xe]

AIBU for abandoning my son and refusing to collect him after my ex told me to?​

Totally unreasonable to me. What do you think?​

I have a 4-year-old son with my ex-husband. We’ve been in the middle of divorce since our son was 1. My ex has made settling the divorce and deciding custody of our son hell for me, both financially and emotionally.

I finally reached my boiling point two months ago when I realised just how bad my finances are at the moment and the fact that I would need to stop the divorce and move to an even cheaper but dangerous area to just survive at this point. I don’t want my son to have to live there too. So, I decided that the next time my ex was in the country, I would take my son and leave him with his dad since he wants custody so badly.

My ex assumed it was just for the day but when I didn’t come to pick him up in the evening and I wasn’t home when he tried to drop him off, he started texting and calling me non-stop telling me I needed to come collect our son since he didn’t have his nanny there and he was very busy. I ignored him for over a week, until he started threatening to have someone come and find me.

We had a conversation where my ex was asking me what type of mother just ups and abandons her child like I had done. He wanted to know where I was and wanted to know when I was going to come back. When I told him I wasn’t, he told me he had learnt his lesson and I needed to stop punishing our son to make a point. I told him I wouldn’t come back, because my ex was right, he had the money to give our son a better life so he had won. He asked me what he was supposed to tell our son and I told him he should tell him the truth, that his dad liked to bully people with his money and it made me have to go away. He got really angry and told me not to play games and that we would go back to our old financial agreement that we had before I filed for divorce if I would just come back.

AIBU?

 

[Velstar]

Totally unreasonable to me. What do you think?​

I have a 4-year-old son with my ex-husband. We’ve been in the middle of divorce since our son was 1. My ex has made settling the divorce and deciding custody of our son hell for me, both financially and emotionally.

I finally reached my boiling point two months ago when I realised just how bad my finances are at the moment and the fact that I would need to stop the divorce and move to an even cheaper but dangerous area to just survive at this point. I don’t want my son to have to live there too. So, I decided that the next time my ex was in the country, I would take my son and leave him with his dad since he wants custody so badly.

My ex assumed it was just for the day but when I didn’t come to pick him up in the evening and I wasn’t home when he tried to drop him off, he started texting and calling me non-stop telling me I needed to come collect our son since he didn’t have his nanny there and he was very busy. I ignored him for over a week, until he started threatening to have someone come and find me.

We had a conversation where my ex was asking me what type of mother just ups and abandons her child like I had done. He wanted to know where I was and wanted to know when I was going to come back. When I told him I wasn’t, he told me he had learnt his lesson and I needed to stop punishing our son to make a point. I told him I wouldn’t come back, because my ex was right, he had the money to give our son a better life so he had won. He asked me what he was supposed to tell our son and I told him he should tell him the truth, that his dad liked to bully people with his money and it made me have to go away. He got really angry and told me not to play games and that we would go back to our old financial agreement that we had before I filed for divorce if I would just come back.

AIBU?

HI Xe,
I am sorry that this is happening to you, but know that your son at 4 years of age will remember this time. Don't let him feel unwanted or unloved as it will scar him for the rest of his life, so put his well being first. If your ex has offered you a previous financial agreement and it was sufficient to keep you and your son in a safe and acceptable manner take the offer BUT make sure it is in writing by a lawyer and the financial support must be in place until your son turns 18. Make sure to add that the agreed $ amount will need to increase yearly as CPI increases. Wishing you the very best.

 

[Xe]

HI Xe,
I am sorry that this is happening to you, but know that your son at 4 years of age will remember this time. Don't let him feel unwanted or unloved as it will scar him for the rest of his life, so put his well being first. If your ex has offered you a previous financial agreement and it was sufficient to keep you and your son in a safe and acceptable manner take the offer BUT make sure it is in writing by a lawyer and the financial support must be in place until your son turns 18. Make sure to add that the agreed $ amount will need to increase yearly as CPI increases. Wishing you the very best.

Hi Velstar! I should have clarified that this isn't my story But yes, I totally agree with you. These posts are simply to see how people feel about various conflicting scenarios. It's great to hear your opinions! Please keep sharing.

 

[Vinylted]

Hypothetical stories.. now come on folks.... gauging opinions of such a scenario should be stated right at the start. There are enough real heartbreakers out there for everyone.

 

[Xe]

Hypothetical stories.. now come on folks.... gauging opinions of such a scenario should be stated right at the start. There are enough real heartbreakers out there for everyone.

Hi Ted. This isn't actually hypothetical. The story is from a source where people post their real-life experiences

 

[Vinylted]

Hi Ted. This isn't actually hypothetical. The story is from a source where people post their real-life experiences

Hmm and perhaps belongs on that source?

 

[BabsL]

Totally unreasonable to me. What do you think?​

I have a 4-year-old son with my ex-husband. We’ve been in the middle of divorce since our son was 1. My ex has made settling the divorce and deciding custody of our son hell for me, both financially and emotionally.

I finally reached my boiling point two months ago when I realised just how bad my finances are at the moment and the fact that I would need to stop the divorce and move to an even cheaper but dangerous area to just survive at this point. I don’t want my son to have to live there too. So, I decided that the next time my ex was in the country, I would take my son and leave him with his dad since he wants custody so badly.

My ex assumed it was just for the day but when I didn’t come to pick him up in the evening and I wasn’t home when he tried to drop him off, he started texting and calling me non-stop telling me I needed to come collect our son since he didn’t have his nanny there and he was very busy. I ignored him for over a week, until he started threatening to have someone come and find me.

We had a conversation where my ex was asking me what type of mother just ups and abandons her child like I had done. He wanted to know where I was and wanted to know when I was going to come back. When I told him I wasn’t, he told me he had learnt his lesson and I needed to stop punishing our son to make a point. I told him I wouldn’t come back, because my ex was right, he had the money to give our son a better life so he had won. He asked me what he was supposed to tell our son and I told him he should tell him the truth, that his dad liked to bully people with his money and it made me have to go away. He got really angry and told me not to play games and that we would go back to our old financial agreement that we had before I filed for divorce if I would just come back.

AIBU?

Have you discussed all of this w yr lawyer? If not, DO IT NOW!
Discuss it w yr doctor and get their support, and yr reasons, on file.
You could be can be charged with Abandonment of a child. Legitimise your decision now. Prove you cannot afford to support yr child properly, and his father can afford it. After this, the divorce should move more quickly.