[Athena E.]

AIBU 29.07.2024​

AIBU, which stands for 'Am I Being Unreasonable', is the perfect platform for sharing your thoughts and opinions! So, for today's AIBU discussion, we have this story from Reddit/Dinory542:

Am I being unreasonable for yelling at a lady on the train?​

'Hey, I'm a 23-year-old guy with a limp in my left leg due to an injury I got last year. I fell about 70 cm while running after my little brother at a playground, and my left leg took the full impact, breaking badly. Despite surgery and rehab, I can't stand for more than 10 minutes without a cane before the pain kicks in.'

'One day, I was taking a crowded train home from university and managed to find a seat. About 12 minutes into the ride, an older lady, probably in her 50s or 60s, asked if I could give her my seat. I politely declined, explaining that I couldn't stand for long periods. She started yelling, accusing me of being an entitled young person.'

'People were staring, so I decided to match her energy. I yelled back, explaining that I'm disabled and can't stand for over an hour until my stop. I even showed her my cane, which was hidden behind my backpack.'

'She looked annoyed but eventually moved to the next cabin. I felt somewhat justified, but the old man sitting next to me said I could have handled it more politely. He was right; I didn't need to stoop to her level. But some part of me is glad I did, hoping that I taught her some lesson.'

'So, am I unreasonable for yelling at her?'

 

[Penny4]

Here's the thing ... we aren't perfect all the time. Lesson learned on the train is not to hide your cane, but hold it with your hand so people can see it. I doubt anyone would start berating you when they see your cane.

 

[Dynamo]

Here's the thing ... we aren't perfect all the time. Lesson learned on the train is not to hide your cane, but hold it with your hand so people can see it. I doubt anyone would start berating you when they see your cane.

Good idea.

 

[Dynamo]

You were polite first time with your explanation. She should have moved on

 

[Suzanne rose]

I don't think he should have yelled back. He was right in telling her he was disabled and showing her his cane.

That would have been uncomfortable sitting with a backpack on and cane behind him.

After explaining to her he had a disability he should have just totally ignored her. Two wrongs don't make a right

 

[Jest]

please yourself. you did it and i do not care.

 

[Bullwinkle]

I do not think he should have lowered himself to her level, by yelling back at her, but he did politely decline when first asked.
Just keep that cane in full view so people can see that you need it….

 

[MIZMAC]

I can understand your frustration but , you would have been better to not yell. Don't fall down to the level of such an ignoramus.

 

[PepeLePew]

No you didn't do anything wrong. I have found that some elderly people are the ones who believe that they are more entitled because of their age and don't give a shit about anyone else including those in a wheelchair. So yeah, I probably would have yelled at her too.

 

[MariaG]

When I travel on public transport, I usually do so with a mobility aid. All the years I have been doing this have been trouble free. I stick to the allocated seating, and, if there are no seats in the disabled sections, I'll fold the aid and slide it in front of my legs. Although I usually don't expect anybody offering me their seat, I have more than once, been grateful for offered assistance by many a younger travelling companion.

I feel that unless you have a mobility issue, one should not expect to be treated any differently than the average traveller. It's part and parcel of using the public system. If the woman had not communicated in such a fashion, it's quite possible the reaction would have been different as well. We are all human and have the occasional "moment"when one speaks without thinking.

There are no right or wrongs in my opinion, except to say, if you have a mobility issue, it should be obvious to avoid knee jerk reactions.

 

[OldButNotOut]

I'm 73 and I would never ask anyone to give me their seat, he paid his fare same as her if he offers her his seat great if not too bad, she needs to act her age and stop thinking she had the right to demand he stand for her to sit. I'm sick to death of older people complaining all the time and expecting everyone to fall in line with their thoughts I would have told her off too I wouldn't be yelled at by anyone, he doesn't owe her any explanation why he was sitting you never know who is disabled and far worse off than you are.

 

[BellaB18]

I understand the frustration you must have felt. Maybe you could have been the bigger person. Saying to the lady something like l would happily give you my seat, but at present l have a serious injury which l have to use a cane for. I am unable to stand for long periods due to extreme pain. Have a nice day. With doing that you would have made her look the silly one for making an assumption which was incorrect. Remember the one who shouts the loudest is the most defeated.
Kind regards to all Vicki

 

[what]

NO!

 

[Hollingworthlake]

Yes I can understand how angry he would have been with this awful woman. It’s ok to say how one would handle things butgiven the shock of the moment you often don’t click into ‘best response mode’. What an awful woman and it just shows how you have to consider that you can’t always be right or see what you should.

 

[OldButNotOut]

I understand the frustration you must have felt. Maybe you could have been the bigger person. Saying to the lady something like l would happily give you my seat, but at present l have a serious injury which l have to use a cane for. I am unable to stand for long periods due to extreme pain. Have a nice day. With doing that you would have made her look the silly one for making an assumption which was incorrect. Remember the one who shouts the loudest is the most defeated.
Kind regards to all Vicki

Not a snowballs chance in hell, he owes her no explanation and she needs to shut her mouth.

 

[BellaB18]

Not a snowballs chance in hell, he owes her no explanation and she needs to shut her mouth.

I understand where you are coming from. And agree the woman was in the wrong. In saying that why escalate the situation there is so much anger in the world. Maybe some thing l live in la-la land and maybe l do but to me lot of people seem to feel intituled no matter what age. There is so much anger and disrepect in the world. All I was suggesting is always be the bigger person. Maybe l am the silly one thinking this way.
Kind regards Vicki

 

[Janice McKay]

No. She was being entitled to ask you for your seat. After explaining she should have just let it go.

 

[Noon]

No, you weren't unreasonable, some oldies just think they're entitled to treat younger ones than themselves like dirt, yet obviously an older man berated you to doing the same. What's good for the goose, is good for the gander. She's probably one of those cranky old ladies we have around & speaks like that quite often. Good for you letting her know she's not entitled.