[Sethia Soliman]

AIBU 29.04.2024​

AIBU, which stands for 'Am I Being Unreasonable', is the perfect platform for sharing your thoughts and opinions! So, for today's AIBU discussion, we have this story from Reddit/Curious_Monk3333.

'Am I being unreasonable for thinking my husband should have had my back in this situation?'

'My husband and I started dating around 3 years ago. At the time we were dating, his best friend was a woman. We’ll call her Megan. I tried to befriend Megan, but from the beginning, she was icy to me… Even rude.

She would constantly minimise and disrespect our relationship, call it merely "carnal”, and ignore me while attempting to have my now-husband focus his attention on her and ignore me… She would invite him places and make it very clear that I was not to be included.'

'When our relationship became serious, Megan talked negatively about me to mutual friends and cut him off as a friend if he was choosing to be with me. Anytime since then, she will completely turn her back on me and refuse to speak to me.'

'Fast forward 3 years… We are married now. Last night, we were invited to a trivia night with a group of friends. An hour into the night, Megan showed up. We did not know she would be there. Of course, she would not even say hello, wouldn’t look my way, and was rude and dismissive yet again.'

'As we were getting ready to leave, my husband and I stood up and walked around to say our goodbyes. He walks up to Megan, gives her a big hug and kisses her cheek. I’m right behind him, and she literally turned her back and walked away, refusing to even say goodbye or anything. Once again, rude and disrespectful to me. My husband said absolutely nothing to her about her behaviour yet again toward me.'

'I was frustrated and angry. I believe my husband’s actions allow her to believe she can be kind/friendly to him, and rude/dismissive toward me, and he is ok with that. He could have said anything to her, like “It’s not ok for you to be rude to my wife while accepting towards me”. He could have just walked away without hugging/kissing her cheek when he saw how she treated me/us yet again just because she could not stand our relationship.'

'He thinks I’m wrong, but I believe the message he is giving is she can continue to treat me this way, and he will continue to turn his cheek to it.'

We're eager to hear your perspectives, members! Please feel free to share your thoughts in the comments below.

 

[gayle222]

I totally agree that yr husband is agreeing to her behaviours towards you by being friendly to her. I would be really annoyed that I was not supported by the man who choice me to spend the rest of his life with. I would like him to maybe have a chat to this other woman and find out what the problem is. Then he needs to let her know what she is doing to you is unacceptable, cant be my wife’s friend,can’t be my friend….simple.

 

[Johan van Zalen]

I can't understand why your husband is so nice to her when she is so rude towards you. He should be sticking up for you

 

[emorc]

R U SURE they are not behaving behind yr back?

 

[Mrtnst]

In my opinion, he is definitely not giving you the support any spouse is entitled to.

What marriage vow did he make?
"I promise to love and honour you, except when Megan is around"

 

[marni]

This guy should be an ex before children are on the scene. She can have him.

 

[Cyberchook]

They have a history. She wanted it to grow he didn't and she is strutting down the wrong aisle still hoping. Sad but many like this. Women ( or men) who act possessively do not realise they are hurting only themselves, as the author has the man and he is happy with her.

 

[Suzy Q]

Yep he should definitely grow a pair and have your back, I just can’t believe he thinks this behaviour is acceptable.

 

[relljube]

Yep he should definitely grow a pair and have your back, I just can’t believe he thinks this behaviour is acceptable.

Totally - if he were my husband he would need ear muffs to cut off the nasty abuse that you have been subjected to over the years. He is spineless and need to be made aware of it.
Better yet - force the issue if you are confronted by her again and drag him into the argument. Make him take a stand once and for all. He either stands with you or agin' you.

 

[chinkapook]

I would tell him to Nick off

 

[APapaz]

If he can’t see that there is something wrong with that situation, then there’s absolutely something wrong with him!! Talk to him and reverse the situation. If he still can’t see it??????? Red flag!!

 

[bodusmobile47]

If he cannot have respect for the woman he married and tell the other woman to respect you then it is time for you tell him to get out

 

[MariaG]

R U SURE they are not behaving behind yr back?

Have to agree.
I would want to know how they RELATED to each other before you came along. Then, seeing that hubby is being a spineless fool, time to confront the woman and spell things out. You are married to him, she is not.
No point whining in hubby's ear all the time. He ego will be boosted having 2 women with him in the middle. He is an ego stroking drone.

 

[Gweneth]

As a couples therapist, I would be having a conversation about what’s going on for him that he thinks that behaviour is ok. Would he accept that behaviour in someone else?
I strongly suggest getting some counselling for this issue to find a resolution so that it doesn’t become a bigger issue between the two of you.

 

[Observer]

I am in agreement with Gweneth
I would be suggesting to put the shoe on the other foot and imagine reverse roles. How would he feel if you had a male friend that treated him that way and was still affectionate towards you. If he wouldn't like it, then he needs to sort out the current situation you 3 are currently in. If he says it wouldn't bother him, time he got the flick. Either he is dedicated and supportive to you in your relationship or he is not. Can't have it both ways.

 

[Luckyus]

If i was you and I'm a fellah would be to tell him to pack his bags and PHUCK off as this will end in grief and keep taking the pill, then there will be one possible less arsehole?

 

[DrivingGirl]

Definitely NOT OKAY. .

 

[Ezzy]

Definitely not the correct action on his part. If he felt he really needed to approach this lady surely a hello & handshake would have sufficed. If she made a move to kiss or embrace your hubby he should then have put his arms up making it clear he didn't want any part of that. HE IS NOW A MARRIED MAN.

You have my sympathy Sethia.

 

[Veggiepatch]

Time for hubby to jump the fence and become gay....