[Athena E.]

AIBU 25.11.2024​

AIBU, which stands for 'Am I Being Unreasonable', is the perfect platform for sharing your thoughts and opinions! So, for today's AIBU discussion, we have this story from Reddit/justmamacita:

Am I being unreasonable for refusing to hand over my grandmother's jewellery to my cousin who was promised it first?

'My grandmother passed away last year, and she left me a beautiful jewellery collection in her will. Growing up, I was very close to her, and we spent countless weekends together where she would let me try on her pieces. It always felt like our little thing, so when she left them to me, I was deeply touched.'

'Here’s where it gets complicated. My cousin, let’s call her Emma, insists that my grandmother “verbally” promised her the collection years ago, even though there’s no mention of her in the will. Emma claims that the jewellery is hers by right because she was the oldest grandchild and used to model the pieces during family events when she was younger. She’s even told everyone that my grandmother’s decision must have been a mistake or made under pressure.'

'Emma called me last week, demanding I hand the jewellery over to “honour” what she says was my grandmother’s real wish. When I said no, she called me selfish and accused me of stealing what was meant for her. The family is now divided, with some saying I should just give Emma a few pieces to keep the peace, and others telling me to hold my ground because the will was clear. Emma is now posting passive-aggressive messages on social media, making me out to be the villain.'

'I feel terrible because I don’t want to cause family drama, but I also believe my grandmother knew exactly what she was doing when she left the collection to me. Am I being unreasonable?'

 

[Rosi Gordon]

It was you grandmother's wish for you to have it. A verbal promise years ago could've been made to shut your cousin up but that is o ly hearsay so no, keep the gift your grandmother left you.

 

[Mrtnst]

No you're not being unreasonable.

Firstly, it doesn't matter what your grandmother might have said years ago, her will is the only indication of her wishes on the matter.

Secondly, the rude and defamatory remarks of your cousin, that you have described, should not be rewarded in any way.

If she had been polite and respectful of your grandmother's wishes, then sharing a few items with her might be good for family harmony.

But giving in to her demands now would be unlikely to stop her from continuing to demand the handover of all the collection.

 

[Wattoval]

A verbally wish from your grandmother, is completely different to what she had in her will.
I feel your cousin, “ Emma” is stretching the truth and could it be that Granma hadn’t left her anything in the will and she is now being bitchy.
There is a reason you were left the jewellery, it sounds like sour grapes on your cousins part.
No reason to explain to the family, disregard the social media posts and delete them.
Being the “oldest” grandchild does not give one Priority.
Granma obviously wasn’t stupid and I would say, knew her grandchildren very well.

 

[harrywwc]

I am not a lawyer nor do I play one in a TV show...

it would seem to me that anyone could wander up and say "several years ago when I was visiting her, granny promised me <insert valuable item(s) here>."

sadly, there is no way to verify such a claim, it could well be true.

or not.

the only proof you (or anyone) have of your granny's desires are in her last will and testament. and if "<valuable item(s)>" are not promised to 'random rello', then the only onus on the executor of the estate is to follow the directions in that will.

no more, no less.

 

[Jo Piper3]

No you're not being unreasonable.

Firstly, it doesn't matter what your grandmother might have said years ago, her will is the only indication of her wishes on the matter. it

Secondly, the rude and defamatory remarks of your cousin, that you have described, should not be rewarded in any way.

If she had been polite and respectful of your grandmother's wishes, then sharing a few items with her might be good for family harmony.

But giving in to her demands now would be unlikely to stop her from continuing to demand the handover of all the collection.

I too thought sharing some items would keep the peace but as the cousin has been so hostile don't offer to share anything.

 

[Trevor Heard]

What is written in the will is what happens whether those left behind like it or not. You must honour the wishes of the departed person.

 

[Barbara V]

Go by the will , my daughter was promised by my mother in law a beautiful ring but because it wasn't in the will and she passed away in Britain my daughter never got it. We asked but was refused as was 2 vases so we just let it go

 

[lynstacker]

Your grandmother signed a legal document to ensure the jewelery would go to you. Stand your ground

 

[bjakes]

What is written in the will is what happens whether those left behind like it or not. You must honour the wishes of the departed person.

Yes I agree

 

[Haka76]

I think stick to the legal will

 

[Veggiepatch]

All the more reason to rid one's life of relatives. My parents got it right. They did not keep in contact with anybody on both sides of their extended families.

The only relative I met was my paternal grandmother - once! No aunties, uncles, cousins, nephews, nieces, etc. Not that I would know who they are or were anyway.

 

[Luckyus]

No your grand mother left her jewellery to you end of, If your cousins wants she can contest the will which she would likely lose. So make she pays your judicial expenses otherwise just tell her to phuck off?

 

[Barbara V]

All the more reason to rid one's life of relatives. My parents got it right. They did not keep in contact with anybody on both sides of their extended families.

The only relative I met was my paternal grandmother - once! No aunties, uncles, cousins, nephews, nieces, etc. Not that I would know who they are or were anyway.

Same here

 

[Luckyus]

I'll go out with what I came in with I've made sue that my missus has it all and I'm in the process of taking my name off the title and my body goes to science. Just trying to make sure she'll have sufficient?

 

[relljube]

There's a reason your Gran did not leave it to your cousin - that's because she obviously recognised the greed in your cousin - end of. Enjoy your windfall and do not let the beatch bother you.

 

[bjakes]

I'll go out with what I came in with I've made sue that my missus has it all and I'm in the process of taking my name off the title and my body goes to science. Just trying to make sure she'll have sufficient?

Going through a similar process with my son

 

[DLHM]

It’s sad how the greed really takes hold with some people when there’s a death. I expected nothing and received nothing when my parents died.

 

[Ezzy]

Your Grandmother's written Will carries more power than the verbal statement of a cousin if this went to a Court of Law. A verbal statement is considered under the LAW OF THE LAND to be no more than HEARSAY and not admissable.

Stick to your guns, you are legally entitled to the jewellery per your Grandmother's Will. If at some time you feel you wish to share something of your gift from Grandma, do so, but be selective. Do not of course do this because of any intimidation your cousin tries to cause you.

 

[Janice McKay]

If the Will leaves the jewellery to you, then you keep it. Don't let a greedy cousin take what your grandmother wanted.