[Sethia Soliman]

AIBU 06.05.2024​

AIBU, which stands for 'Am I Being Unreasonable', is the perfect platform for sharing your thoughts and opinions! So, for today's AIBU discussion, we have this story from Reddit/Straight-Lime2605:

Am I being unreasonable for not wanting to eat my mother's leftovers at a buffet?

My mum likes inviting me and my older sister who lives on her own to eat at a Chinese buffet once or twice a year. For context, my mum and sister are both a bit overweight and I’m thinner.

My mum has a habit of loading everything she sees at the buffet on her plate because she wants to taste everything. Then she usually finds she doesn’t like some stuff although she puts a lot on her plate at once, or gets too full to finish. Since I was young she would always put the food she didn’t finish on my plate and tell me to finish it since I’m young and skinny and I’ll be fine. The last time we went, I actually ate too much and felt sick after, so I decided to eat less this time.

Right when we went to pick our food, my mum was looking at what I was grabbing and said why wasn’t I taking more, it’s not worth the price if I don’t take as much as I can. I said if I was still hungry I could get more, but she already seemed annoyed.

Then we ate and I finished what was on my plate and didn’t want to go for a second round. My mum argued with me for about 5 minutes telling me to go with her to get more food or else it’s not going to feel like a family meal. I tried politely telling her I didn’t want to eat anymore. My sister was silent through this all. Finally, they went to get more food and my mum came back with another full plate.

As I expected she finished less than half of the second plate she got. She said she didn’t want more because she still wanted to get dessert and told me to have the rest. I declined and said I was full and she shouldn’t load up her plate so much.

She got very mad at this and said I was embarrassing her and to just eat it because I’ve always ate more before and I was just trying to embarrass her. She said everyone in the restaurant was staring at us because of the argument I started and that I was making her look like a fat pig by not eating more and she said didn’t know why I was doing this.

I told her then I would pay for my own food if she’s that upset and she said I was being cruel and manipulative and she didn’t know why I had such an attitude problem today. Anyway, she finally saw I didn’t want to dig through her leftovers and gave up and got some cake and ice cream for dessert. She didn’t talk to me for the rest of the day.

Later after my sister left she sent me a text saying I was being very selfish and ruined our family outing. Do you think I was in the wrong in this?

 

[Mrtnst]

No you weren't doing anything wrong.

It is wrong for anyone to try to make you to eat more than you feel is good for you, unless you're suffering from a diagnosed eating disorder.

Even then doing so in a public place and creating a scene, then blaming you for it would be totally out of order.

 

[SandyM]

You are definitely not in the wrong! Could your Mum & sister be jealous of the fact that you are slimmer than them? I think that it might be a good idea to avoid going to "all you can eat buffets" with them in the future. It will only cause more scenes like this.

 

[DougC]

You are right

 

[Jo Piper3]

I'm a problem to take out to eat as I don't eat much and am a very slow eater. The mum should not blamed her daughter for her unwillingness to make a pig of herself.

 

[blueevie]

No, you're not being unreasonable. In fact, you're being strong in the face of major manipulation.
Well, done!
Let your Mum and your sister go for the meal in future. You don't need this!

 

[starrysnan]

It's not an enjoyable outing if you are pressured into eating more than you want and then made to feel guilty because you don't eat your Mum's leftovers. I would not go out with them as you have rights too.

 

[AnnT]

You did right

 

[forgetful88]

no its not wrong when we went to pplaces like that we always start small so we could go back an enjoy the food

 

[wjs1957]

Your mother is a nut, so yes she is unreasonable. Tell her that if she likes to try everything that is a good thing, but try just a mouthful to ensure that she likes it. That way she can stack her plate with stuff she likes while avoiding wasting food which someone else may love. Good Luck!!

 

[Johan van Zalen]

No l don't think you were wrong, your mother is being inconsiderate by not thinking about your health and how much you should want to eat

 

[maxesmum]

Your mother is a greedy pig. Nuff said.

 

[richmich.4422@gmail]

Isn't smorgasbords/buffets where you can go back for repeats etc. This reminds me of a smorgasbord dinner provided at our bowling club on a monthly basis. A wife of one of our members, she is, what you would describe as a rather large lady, hubby tall & thin, a typical situation. Well she went up to the helpings, completely filled her plate like there was no tomorrow. On her first mouth full, the food was sticking out of her mouth where she had to use her fingers to shove it all in. It was a "Sight" to see. Unbelievable to say the least. Gluteny is the only way to describe such happenings.

 

[Johnnie boy]

Obviously you are right especially because your mother and sister are fatter. What a ridiculous response from her and you are to be complemented on refusing. It must have been difficult for you though and so thoughtless of her

 

[lynstacker]

Your mother is the selfish, manipulative one. How awful to be put it that position

 

[Scruffy62]

You are right to stand up for yourself against your mother and sister. Only you know your likes and dislikes and how much you can eat. As you mentioned in your story, one time after eating your mother’s leftovers you became sick. That’s not good. Like your mother, my body shape is more rounded than it should be, but like you, when I attend a buffet I take only small portions of the food I want to eat and make certain that there is enough for everyone still hungry. Your mother may not know it but ‘big’ people are always judged on the amount of food they have on a plate. At a buffet, everyone assumes you’re going to devour everything in front of you and unfortunately your mother is one of those people. Do your own thing, for your own health and stop worrying about what your mother and sister ‘want’. Sit at a separate table or sit as far away from your mum as you possibly can. Your plate Your territory!

 

[natalielocket]

It happens all the time. I have seen people fill their plate, leave half of it, but will do the same of desert. I would only eat what I knew I could. I`m glad now that not too many eat all you can buffets around. All I could see is so much food in the bin. Why doesn`t your mother get a doggy bag But suppose it is not allowed at All you can eat Buffet`s. Best you just decline, `Have another engagement.` Good luck.

 

[Luckyus]

No you were being perfectly reasonable, unfortunately if the fault of your mother and to lesser extent you sibling. In future i wouldn't go on any more family meals. The one thing these all you can restaurants loath are the selfish pigs who fill their plates too over brimming knowing full well that they can't it eat it. There is only one rule moderation? You can get more whenever you want, moreover fresher to boot Four ued to spend a very pleasant evening in particular venue which eventually closed, due to selfishness?

 

[Jest]

pelican, pelican your eyes are bigger than your bellican. your mother is a guts.

 

[Luckyus]

pelican, pelican your eyes are bigger than your bellican. your mother is a guts.

Haven't heard that one in a long time, A wonderful bird is the Pelican, It can hold more it's beak, than you can eat in a week. I wonder how the hell it can?