[James Gutierrez]

AIBU 05.07.2024​

AIBU, which stands for 'Am I Being Unreasonable', is the perfect platform for sharing your thoughts and opinions! So, for today's AIBU discussion, we have this story from Reddit/Basurero_moral:

Am I being unreasonable for shrugging when my dad's wife told me they need all of dad's money right now?

'I'm a 17-year-old guy. My dad left my mum for another woman when I was 14. Despite that, he wanted me to see him as a good dad. But I couldn't easily change my mind. We knew I'd split time between them until I turned 17. My mum struggled financially without child support since it was split evenly, and she didn't earn as much as my dad.

When my dad asked for another chance, I insisted he support my mum financially instead. He agreed to pay what would've been child support, which helped my mum go back to school. She's less stressed now. Dad's still paying, knowing it's one reason I maintain a relationship with him.

His wife, however, resented the money going to my mum. Their household finances got tighter, so her kids had to drop some activities. She blamed me for insisting on the support, saying her kids needed the money more than my mum did. I stood firm, saying they weren't my responsibility. She argued they were family, but I disagreed, emphasising they were dad's family, not mine. She criticised me for not caring enough about my half-sibling's life (only one of her kids is technically my half-sibling). Am I being unreasonable?'

We're eager to hear your perspectives, members! Please feel free to share your thoughts in the comments below.

 

[emorc]

Who paid funeral bill? What does the will say? Who pId all his debts? Your solicitor will sort it all out then you will know who is right

 

[Jo Piper3]

Who paid funeral bill? What does the will say? Who pId all his debts? Your solicitor will sort it all out then you will know who is right

Where does it state that the father is deceased?

 

[MariaG]

No funeral yet. His dad is still alive and living up to his responsibilities, namely, supporting his child.
I married into a ready-made family, except, my hubby was the one being hounded for money, constantly.
He was diligent with his support payments. Back in the day, one had to go to the local court house and pay over the counter. He never missed his payments, not once.
However, the ex-wife decided that because he re-married, as did she, a portion of my wages should go towards her stash as well. I'm sure you can guess what I had to say about that.
The main thing I felt very strongly about, was never to get between my hubby and his ex when it came to disagreements. They had to sort things out between them and I had no input into the support of the kids, or, the way the 2 parents interacted with each other. The only reason I was in any way involved was because she tried to take my wages as well. My solicitor fixed that up quick smart.
I do know that no matter what arrangements are made between the 2 parents, things have to be done legally. Shared custody is something that has to be sorted in family court, as is child support.
Things can get very messy. The people who have to stand back and keep their opinions to themselves, are the spouses.
In the story offered, it is indeed a shame that the son is the one doing the deals. Not good.
Dad might need to step up and tell his wife to butt out, talk to the son about his expectations, and, keep his cool. The boy is now a young man. What he is seeing now will stay with him forever. Both parents must set a good example by communicating with each other. It's not the child's place to do anything to make things better, but, you can't really blame him.

 

[Vikster]

Sounds like a very selfish woman only been with your father for 3 years and yes he should pay your mum child support, I am sure if the new wife left your father she would not hold back on demanding child support. Don't let this woman guilt you into taking from your mother what she deserves. I am sure you could not do activites as money was tight.
Maybe the new wife might need to get a job if things are so tight.
Your Mother worked to support you and the new wife can do the same

 

[Viellarde]

Who paid funeral bill? What does the will say? Who pId all his debts? Your solicitor will sort it all out then you will know who is right

She's not dead.

 

[Brody]

Everybody has a story about this, or they have heard .of one.
Dangerous Territory.
Money or the lack of it brings
the worst out in people, especially in second Family's
It's not fair to engender
everyone into this scenario but it is rampart nevertheless.
Good Luck Honey I hope it
goes well for your Family.

 

[Brody]

Everybody has a story about this, or they have heard .of one.
Dangerous Territory.
Money or the lack of it brings
the worst out in people, especially in second Family's
It's not fair to engender
everyone into this scenario but it is rampart nevertheless.
Good Luck Honey I hope it
goes well for your Family.

 

[DLHM]

No funeral yet. His dad is still alive and living up to his responsibilities, namely, supporting his child.
I married into a ready-made family, except, my hubby was the one being hounded for money, constantly.
He was diligent with his support payments. Back in the day, one had to go to the local court house and pay over the counter. He never missed his payments, not once.
However, the ex-wife decided that because he re-married, as did she, a portion of my wages should go towards her stash as well. I'm sure you can guess what I had to say about that.
The main thing I felt very strongly about, was never to get between my hubby and his ex when it came to disagreements. They had to sort things out between them and I had no input into the support of the kids, or, the way the 2 parents interacted with each other. The only reason I was in any way involved was because she tried to take my wages as well. My solicitor fixed that up quick smart.
I do know that no matter what arrangements are made between the 2 parents, things have to be done legally. Shared custody is something that has to be sorted in family court, as is child support.
Things can get very messy. The people who have to stand back and keep their opinions to themselves, are the spouses.
In the story offered, it is indeed a shame that the son is the one doing the deals. Not good.
Dad might need to step up and tell his wife to butt out, talk to the son about his expectations, and, keep his cool. The boy is now a young man. What he is seeing now will stay with him forever. Both parents must set a good example by communicating with each other. It's not the child's place to do anything to make things better, but, you can't really blame him.

You sound like a wise and reasonable woman, @MariaG. What you say makes good sense.

 

[Jules1]

You aren't being unreasonable, and dad's new spouse should back off. Dad should continue to reimburse your mum for his financial obligation to his first-borns from his first relationship. Dad had to factor that obligation into all future financial/new family decisions.

 

[novezar]

When I was divorced after 18 yrs of marriage, I was only too happy to financially support my 3 sons, until their schooling was completed as it was no fault by them. Took them to many games of rugby league all over the metro area & watched the 3 games played to wherever they wanted to go & see. This was all before my 2nd marriage 7 yrs later.

In the above story/posting, Why Isn't the ex hubby financially supporting his own kids etc. i.e. regardless if the ex wife is remarried. It doesn't matter.

The young bloke is right & shud still stick up for himself & keep his friendship going with his dad. The "Other Crew" really aren't his family. Basically, they are "Blow-ins".

Not every, but, numerous families are in the same position, self included. You still have to do the "RIGHT" thing and carry on. I've done it & survived admirably & still help out many, many yrs later.

I realise, in many instances, "Easier Said Than Done".