[Gerada]

Abandoned by my siblings.​

My mother, who I adored, turned 90 in November, 2019. We had a huge family party at her nursing home. 4 days later, on Tuesday night, she was sent to hospital for unknown pains? The doctor did blood tests & told my sisters, that her kidneys were failing at 6%. He encouraged them to put her on 'Palliative Care' I was under the impression, as the oldest of 7, that I was 'Enduring Power of Attorney', but apparently they had talked Mum into giving them the 'Power' They went ahead with the order & mum was taken off all her meds & expected to die quickly. Long story short, I battled with them to reverse the order. The nurse in attendance, told me that the doctor lied, or made a mistake in saying 6% ,when it was actually 60%! All my siblings (6) sided with my sisters & left mum on Care. Which meant no meds, no food, water & increasing the Morphine each day. The doctor at the Nursing Home said she would not have done this to mum & I would need my sisters to tell doctor at hospital to reverse the order, before she could do anything. They refused. My mother lived for another 12 days, until the Morphine killed her. My family have cut me off on FB, Messenger, & Phone calls. Because I would not agree wirh their plan. Since then, I've tried to talk to 1 sister, who I thought was my closest sibling. She says I acted 'Appalling' & won't bother with me anymore. I think on this everyday & it is consuming my life. They all stick together & I'm out in the cold. I have helped everyone in the past, financially, physically. I feel they owe me some consideration. Should I try to reach out again, or leave it go. Being part of a big family, was my life & now I'm just empty.

 

[Sethia Soliman]

My mother, who I adored, turned 90 in November, 2019. We had a huge family party at her nursing home. 4 days later, on Tuesday night, she was sent to hospital for unknown pains? The doctor did blood tests & told my sisters, that her kidneys were failing at 6%. He encouraged them to put her on 'Palliative Care' I was under the impression, as the oldest of 7, that I was 'Enduring Power of Attorney', but apparently they had talked Mum into giving them the 'Power' They went ahead with the order & mum was taken off all her meds & expected to die quickly. Long story short, I battled with them to reverse the order. The nurse in attendance, told me that the doctor lied, or made a mistake in saying 6% ,when it was actually 60%! All my siblings (6) sided with my sisters & left mum on Care. Which meant no meds, no food, water & increasing the Morphine each day. The doctor at the Nursing Home said she would not have done this to mum & I would need my sisters to tell doctor at hospital to reverse the order, before she could do anything. They refused. My mother lived for another 12 days, until the Morphine killed her. My family have cut me off on FB, Messenger, & Phone calls. Because I would not agree wirh their plan. Since then, I've tried to talk to 1 sister, who I thought was my closest sibling. She says I acted 'Appalling' & won't bother with me anymore. I think on this everyday & it is consuming my life. They all stick together & I'm out in the cold. I have helped everyone in the past, financially, physically. I feel they owe me some consideration. Should I try to reach out again, or leave it go. Being part of a big family, was my life & now I'm just empty.

Hello, @Gerada

Thank you for being brave enough to share this story with us. Do know that everything I'm about to say is merely my personal opinion. I am not a professional.

I don't see why you're being unreasonable at all... if I understood your story correctly, the doctor was at fault here too and you just wanted to reverse a plan that isn't what was actually what your mom needed. All your feelings are valid and I can't imagine how heavy it is to have your siblings turn against you. It's completely understandable to want to fix things between family - as it's one of the most important areas in anyone's life.

I think there's nothing wrong with trying to sit down and talk about the issue with your siblings if it helps provide you with even a little bit of closure. Sometimes, just being able to communicate how you feel is sufficient enough to take some weight off your chest - but know that how they respond is completely out of your control so it might be best to manage your expectations too if you ever decide to do it...

I somewhat know how this feels because I went through a similar situation. When my grandfather was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer, deciding on whether we should put him on treatment or let him be and well.. that completely tore my family apart too. He passed away 4 years ago and the fight between my family members still hasn't improved at all.

When the matter at hand is between life and death for someone else, it can really send people into chaos as morals are challenged on an extreme level... I want you to know that you're definitely not alone in this fight. I genuinely hope you find your peace eventually.

The SDC is sending you warm and tight hugs.

 

[Gerada]

My mother, who I adored, turned 90 in November, 2019. We had a huge family party at her nursing home. 4 days later, on Tuesday night, she was sent to hospital for unknown pains? The doctor did blood tests & told my sisters, that her kidneys were failing at 6%. He encouraged them to put her on 'Palliative Care' I was under the impression, as the oldest of 7, that I was 'Enduring Power of Attorney', but apparently they had talked Mum into giving them the 'Power' They went ahead with the order & mum was taken off all her meds & expected to die quickly. Long story short, I battled with them to reverse the order. The nurse in attendance, told me that the doctor lied, or made a mistake in saying 6% ,when it was actually 60%! All my siblings (6) sided with my sisters & left mum on Care. Which meant no meds, no food, water & increasing the Morphine each day. The doctor at the Nursing Home said she would not have done this to mum & I would need my sisters to tell doctor at hospital to reverse the order, before she could do anything. They refused. My mother lived for another 12 days, until the Morphine killed her. My family have cut me off on FB, Messenger, & Phone calls. Because I would not agree wirh their plan. Since then, I've tried to talk to 1 sister, who I thought was my closest sibling. She says I acted 'Appalling' & won't bother with me anymore. I think on this everyday & it is consuming my life. They all stick together & I'm out in the cold. I have helped everyone in the past, financially, physically. I feel they owe me some consideration. Should I try to reach out again, or leave it go. Being part of a big family, was my life & now I'm just empty.

Hello, @Gerada

Thank you for being brave enough to share this story with us. Do know that everything I'm about to say is merely my personal opinion. I am not a professional.

I don't see why you're being unreasonable at all... if I understood your story correctly, the doctor was at fault here too and you just wanted to reverse a plan that isn't what was actually what your mom needed. All your feelings are valid and I can't imagine how heavy it is to have your siblings turn against you. It's completely understandable to want to fix things between family - as it's one of the most important areas in anyone's life.

I think there's nothing wrong with trying to sit down and talk about the issue with your siblings if it helps provide you with even a little bit of closure. Sometimes, just being able to communicate how you feel is sufficient enough to take some weight off your chest - but know that how they respond is completely out of your control so it might be best to manage your expectations too if you ever decide to do it...

I somewhat know how this feels because I went through a similar situation. When my grandfather was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer, deciding on whether we should put him on treatment or let him be and well.. that completely tore my family apart too. He passed away 4 years ago and the fight between my family members still hasn't improved at all.

When the matter at hand is between life and death for someone else, it can really send people into chaos as morals are challenged on an extreme level... I want you to know that you're definitely not alone in this fight. I genuinely hope you find your peace eventually.

The SDC is sending you warm and tight hugs.

Thank you for your reply. I do understand about Palliative care order & when a person says, "I don't want to live like a vegetable or 4th stage cancer, put me to sleep" My dear friend Carol was only 60. She had stomach cancer & we said goodbye to her on 10 March. I have sat with 2 other people who instructed they wanted a care order if they got really bad. I don't know how I'd go about trying to talk to my siblings. They made the desicion to cut me off & now I'm debating whether I should even bother. It's always been me who fixes all the family problems & now it seems, I am the problem. Lol. Anyway, thanks for reaching out to me. I'll let you know if I decide to try & what happens when they blow me off.

 

[Defiant540]

Thank you for your reply. I do understand about Palliative care order & when a person says, "I don't want to live like a vegetable or 4th stage cancer, put me to sleep" My dear friend Carol was only 60. She had stomach cancer & we said goodbye to her on 10 March. I have sat with 2 other people who instructed they wanted a care order if they got really bad. I don't know how I'd go about trying to talk to my siblings. They made the desicion to cut me off & now I'm debating whether I should even bother. It's always been me who fixes all the family problems & now it seems, I am the problem. Lol. Anyway, thanks for reaching out to me. I'll let you know if I decide to try & what happens when they blow me off.

your situation is a carbon copy of mine so I feel for you, please take care and do what your heart says is right. Please don't go for Palliative care! my Mum had that and was crying out for pain relief that she never got!

 

[Kawi]

Abandoned by my siblings.​

My mother, who I adored, turned 90 in November, 2019. We had a huge family party at her nursing home. 4 days later, on Tuesday night, she was sent to hospital for unknown pains? The doctor did blood tests & told my sisters, that her kidneys were failing at 6%. He encouraged them to put her on 'Palliative Care' I was under the impression, as the oldest of 7, that I was 'Enduring Power of Attorney', but apparently they had talked Mum into giving them the 'Power' They went ahead with the order & mum was taken off all her meds & expected to die quickly. Long story short, I battled with them to reverse the order. The nurse in attendance, told me that the doctor lied, or made a mistake in saying 6% ,when it was actually 60%! All my siblings (6) sided with my sisters & left mum on Care. Which meant no meds, no food, water & increasing the Morphine each day. The doctor at the Nursing Home said she would not have done this to mum & I would need my sisters to tell doctor at hospital to reverse the order, before she could do anything. They refused. My mother lived for another 12 days, until the Morphine killed her. My family have cut me off on FB, Messenger, & Phone calls. Because I would not agree wirh their plan. Since then, I've tried to talk to 1 sister, who I thought was my closest sibling. She says I acted 'Appalling' & won't bother with me anymore. I think on this everyday & it is consuming my life. They all stick together & I'm out in the cold. I have helped everyone in the past, financially, physically. I feel they owe me some consideration. Should I try to reach out again, or leave it go. Being part of a big family, was my life & now I'm just empty.

So sorry to read about your pain. This scenario is more common than you think. The most moral member of the family is ostracised bc they put people before money, a rare quality these days. Possibly bc they make the others feel guilty by showing them up for who they are. By cutting you off they have demonstrated they are not of the same high calibre or ilk as you & therefore do not deserve a place in your life anyway.
Know your mum is at peace & one day you will meet again, surround yourself with those who deserve your goodness & don’t look back.