[Danielle F.]

A dream holiday or a nightmare in the making: Is a solo trip selfish while in a relationship?​

AIBU, which stands for 'Am I Being Unreasonable', is the perfect platform for sharing your thoughts and opinions! So, for today's AIBU discussion, we have this story from Reddit/Cold_Day_352:

'I(30F) have had this holiday planned since I was in middle school.

It centres around a movie/book series I am in love with, and I am a massive fan. I have a holiday booked to see the filming locations, I’m staying in some of the filming locations, and I have a strict itinerary.

This has been a dream of mine forever and I am unwilling to compromise on a single instance of it. It sounds crazy but I had a rough home life, this series was my escape, now I have adult money and I will see this to fruition.

My partner (M30) wants to come along and is willing to pay for anything he also wants to do.

I love him, he’s great, I’d be happy for him to come along. However he does not like this series, it wouldn’t be fun for him, and he wants to add some national parks and other things to the trip. But that would mess with my time sensitive itinerary since its planned for every day exactly.

I told him if he comes along everything he wants to do is on his own time, as my itinerary is what I am sticking to exactly.

I have this week planned to the minute and will regret if I miss a single thing. He’s upset because he feels this defeats the point of him coming along, he wants to spend that time with me, and he’s worried about me flying solo as a woman across the country.

He wants to be there in case the rental car breaks down, or something happens so I’m not anxious and alone trying to problem solve.

I get those concerns, I think they’re valid and his desire to support me is very sweet. There would be a 4-hour time difference between us if something happened which is another concern of his.

He feels I’m being very concrete on this and is frustrated by my lack of willingness to budge on it.

I told him its no different than if he wanted to go to New Zealand to see the Lord of the Rings (LOTR) stuff and I tried to plan other non-LOTR things on those days where he was wanting to visit hobbitville or whatever the shire village is called.

I told him if he wants to come he can either do his own thing, follow my itinerary, or just not come at all. I told him honestly I want to go alone. I want to go on this trip because I want to be with someone who I know who will appreciate it as much as I will, which is me.

Now he’s upset because he feels like I’m not seeing the big picture and don’t want to spend that time together.'

Would she be unreasonable if she did not let her partner go on the trip with her?

 

[MelanieJune]

Some people are just so stoic.

 

[gayle222]

No you stick to what you have wanted to do for so many years. His disrespecting you but asking you to change yr holiday to suit him. Have you told him the full story and yr childhood? If you haven’t,please do as it may make him understand more. If you have told him……RUN because his self centred and has no compassion for your reason for doing this holiday. Oh ,by the way..yr not a child who can’t be left alone to fend for themself. Bon Voyage enjoy yr holiday

 

[Mickie Stoner]

NO

 

[HelenB55]

Maybe he thinks she’s going off to have an affair.
If he truely lives her then he would be happy to see her have her childhood dream come true.
Plus….. they are not married, & after all… everyone does need time to themselves.

 

[Jo Piper3]

Follow your dream

 

[Bullwinkle]

Go on your own…Do not give in to pressure…you will have an awesome holiday…take no one….what happens on the holiday, stays on the holiday…answer to no one…
I always take overseas holidays on my own, or with my besties….never any partners

 

[thomas]

if you go on your own, your partner will be suspicious. if you take your partner he will want it all his way \ his time
if you take your partner and let him do his own thing, he will say you don't want to be with him and "why did you ask me to come if we don't do things together?"
if your partner loves you and trusts you there SHOULD NOT be any problem. i let my pertner go on a trip with her ladyfriend to Scotland and Machu Puchu (or whatever it's called, away for 2 months and they really enjoyed it, no problems from me. you don't always have to go everywhere together, what if you had to go into convalescence somewhere, you would be on your own then. take your holiday and if he loves you enough he will be there when you get home, if not, then better you know now than later down the track. GO

 

[Luciemcm]

No do what you want and have planned.

 

[relljube]

Ooh I would be running away from this fellow - he is not interested in going with you, he is only interested in controlling you - worried about a breakdown - what a load rubbish - maybe the world might end or even revolve without him! He is manipulative in his insistence that you have to alter your long-held holiday to suit him.
Run girl run - and have a good time.

 

[Parrot]

Tell your Partner to go ahead and do what he would like to do but to stay out of your way and let you enjoy what you have dreamed about doing for ages.
Stick to your Guns Girl..Don’t give in..

 

[novezar]

Simple, just go & do it. If you don't, you wont.

 

[Winks]

Go & do what you have planned since long before you met him. He is being emotionally immature. You could discuss going on a holiday together when you return.

 

[marni]

It’s only a week for Pete’s sake. How long has he been your partner? Tell him to go on his own holiday for the week and you both will have a great time showing photos of your journey.