10 secrets to successful online dating, no matter your age
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Dating in this digitised day and age can be quite daunting – no matter your age. But there’s really nothing to fear!
Even if you’ve been out of the dating game for a while, all these dating apps can still make meeting people easier, safer, and more fun. Of course, there are no hard and fast rules to follow. What works best for you and what your boundaries are should always be your priority.
But if you want some general guidelines on how to get started with online dating, here are 10 things to keep in mind:
Tip #1: Accept the process.
It’s okay to feel awkward about online dating.
CEO of Relationships Australia NSW, Elisabeth Shaw, suggested thinking of online dating as a digital version of a matchmaker.
Start with something small, like joining like-minded groups or an app for making friends – which helps build confidence in socialising– so there’s less pressure to find a partner.
Tip #2: Recruit a ‘cheer squad’.
Okay, we don’t mean an *actual* cheer squad. But maybe you can ask for help from a younger family member, or a friend, who can help you set up your online profile.
It’s also nice to have someone beside you, cheering you on and supporting your endeavours, when you start meeting new people.
Tip #3: Zoom in.
Okay, you’ve done it. You met someone online that you clicked with.
But! You don’t always have to meet them face-to-face – well, not immediately anyway.
Set up a call with them – preferably a video call – so you at least know what they look like. Doing so can lessen the awkwardness when you go on your first date, and helps you gauge whether that ‘spark’ is there or not.
Tip #4: Paint a picture.
‘Deception is never a good basis for a relationship,’ Ms Shaw said.
So, instead of writing a profile about yourself, try and explain the kind of life you’d like to share with a partner. Be clear and honest about what you want, what your needs are, and who you are.
Tip #5: Tell your family.
Let the people in your life know that you’re going to start entering the dating scene again. They’re your support system and have your best interests at heart, too. This is also important from a safety perspective.
Tip #6: Take your time.
The search for love can be one big, emotional roller-coaster.
Annie Gurton, a 72-year-old Sydney-based Couples Counsellor and Psychotherapist, said she spent several years on a dating website before meeting her now-husband Peter, who is 77.
‘Give yourself an occasional break and recognise it can take a long time to meet someone.’
You don’t want to settle for someone who isn’t right for you, after all!
Tip #7: List your ‘non-negotiables’.
For older adults in the dating scene, it’s important to be clear about what you want. Ask yourself if you’d like a casual or part-time relationship so you have more time for family and friends, or if you’d like to get (re)married.
Annie said: ‘What you’re looking for later in life will be different to what you wanted when younger. We have different life experiences and well-formed different tastes.’
Tip #8: Enjoy your age.
Annie said that a major barrier to dating is the fear of judgement about our changed bodies. But she explained that there’s ‘attractiveness in wrinkles – they show life experience’.
Losing libido might also be an issue, so it’s important to be honest and discuss how you’re feeling and your levels of ‘desire’ in a relationship. Also, consult with your GP if you have other major concerns.
Tip #9: Consider your personal safety.
The eSafety Commissioner, a resource that details safety hazards when it comes to meeting someone you’ve been chatting with online, gives advice that is relevant to online dating.
One piece of advice that you must always remember is to meet in a public place, and always let someone you trust know who you’re with, where you’re going, and what you’re doing.
Also, save any conversations or contact information you have with the other person so you have evidence should you find yourself needing to file a complaint. (Which we hope would never happen).
And finally…
Tip #10: Be confident!
It’s important to be your biggest cheerleader when you start to date again. Everyone has their quirks, their flaws, and their strengths. In short, no one is perfect so don’t be too scared to dip your toes in the water.
Give people a chance to impress you, and be open to meeting new friends and acquaintances too. Remember that you, yourself, are special and unique and you have lots to offer! You never know, love could be waiting for you with just one click of a button.
There you have it, members! What can you say about these 10 tips? Share your thoughts with us in the comments below!
Even if you’ve been out of the dating game for a while, all these dating apps can still make meeting people easier, safer, and more fun. Of course, there are no hard and fast rules to follow. What works best for you and what your boundaries are should always be your priority.
But if you want some general guidelines on how to get started with online dating, here are 10 things to keep in mind:
Tip #1: Accept the process.
It’s okay to feel awkward about online dating.
CEO of Relationships Australia NSW, Elisabeth Shaw, suggested thinking of online dating as a digital version of a matchmaker.
Start with something small, like joining like-minded groups or an app for making friends – which helps build confidence in socialising– so there’s less pressure to find a partner.
Tip #2: Recruit a ‘cheer squad’.
Okay, we don’t mean an *actual* cheer squad. But maybe you can ask for help from a younger family member, or a friend, who can help you set up your online profile.
It’s also nice to have someone beside you, cheering you on and supporting your endeavours, when you start meeting new people.
Everyone still gets the ‘first date’ jitters – no matter their age. Credit: Clem Onojeghuo in Pexels
Tip #3: Zoom in.
Okay, you’ve done it. You met someone online that you clicked with.
But! You don’t always have to meet them face-to-face – well, not immediately anyway.
Set up a call with them – preferably a video call – so you at least know what they look like. Doing so can lessen the awkwardness when you go on your first date, and helps you gauge whether that ‘spark’ is there or not.
Tip #4: Paint a picture.
‘Deception is never a good basis for a relationship,’ Ms Shaw said.
So, instead of writing a profile about yourself, try and explain the kind of life you’d like to share with a partner. Be clear and honest about what you want, what your needs are, and who you are.
Tip #5: Tell your family.
Let the people in your life know that you’re going to start entering the dating scene again. They’re your support system and have your best interests at heart, too. This is also important from a safety perspective.
Tip #6: Take your time.
The search for love can be one big, emotional roller-coaster.
Annie Gurton, a 72-year-old Sydney-based Couples Counsellor and Psychotherapist, said she spent several years on a dating website before meeting her now-husband Peter, who is 77.
‘Give yourself an occasional break and recognise it can take a long time to meet someone.’
You don’t want to settle for someone who isn’t right for you, after all!
Tip #7: List your ‘non-negotiables’.
For older adults in the dating scene, it’s important to be clear about what you want. Ask yourself if you’d like a casual or part-time relationship so you have more time for family and friends, or if you’d like to get (re)married.
Annie said: ‘What you’re looking for later in life will be different to what you wanted when younger. We have different life experiences and well-formed different tastes.’
Take your time when it comes to online dating, and be clear about your boundaries. Credit: Anastasia Shuraeva in Pexels
Tip #8: Enjoy your age.
Annie said that a major barrier to dating is the fear of judgement about our changed bodies. But she explained that there’s ‘attractiveness in wrinkles – they show life experience’.
Losing libido might also be an issue, so it’s important to be honest and discuss how you’re feeling and your levels of ‘desire’ in a relationship. Also, consult with your GP if you have other major concerns.
Tip #9: Consider your personal safety.
The eSafety Commissioner, a resource that details safety hazards when it comes to meeting someone you’ve been chatting with online, gives advice that is relevant to online dating.
One piece of advice that you must always remember is to meet in a public place, and always let someone you trust know who you’re with, where you’re going, and what you’re doing.
Also, save any conversations or contact information you have with the other person so you have evidence should you find yourself needing to file a complaint. (Which we hope would never happen).
And finally…
Tip #10: Be confident!
It’s important to be your biggest cheerleader when you start to date again. Everyone has their quirks, their flaws, and their strengths. In short, no one is perfect so don’t be too scared to dip your toes in the water.
Give people a chance to impress you, and be open to meeting new friends and acquaintances too. Remember that you, yourself, are special and unique and you have lots to offer! You never know, love could be waiting for you with just one click of a button.
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