Note from the Editor:
This article was kindly written for the SDC by member @Doctor Alan.

Like a lot of things in life, marriage is like a lottery. You meet somebody who seems to share your views and communicates well with you, and when you’re happy that things are ticking along nicely, you might decide to get married.

Of course, you don’t have to - a lot of people choose to simply live together. So, what is marriage, when did it start, and what’s it for?

I read a news article about Jeff Bezos’ marriage and was horrified by its extravagance – but more of that later.



Why marry?
The first recorded evidence of marriage ceremonies uniting one woman and one man dates from about 2350 BC, in Mesopotamia. In those early marriages, the union was probably arranged, as advantages were seen by both sides in terms of wealth, social standing or power. Women generally had very little say in the matter. The couple’s feelings weren’t regarded as being of any importance. Arranged marriages are quite common in some countries, even today.

In the Medieval period, the Church became increasingly involved in marriage, but it wasn’t until the Renaissance in about the 14th century that ‘individual choice’ became more prominent, and the concept of ‘romantic love’ emerged as the main reason for couples to marry. It was about this period (14th to 17th century) that ‘humanist celebrants’ began conducting marriage ceremonies offering an alternative to religious weddings.



How much did your wedding ring cost?

In the 19th and 20th centuries, women’s rights were more generally recognised, including the right to divorce and to participate more equally in their marriages. The word ‘obey’ was generally dropped from the marriage service, and this optional change dated back to 1922 (Episcopal Church in the US) and 1928 (Anglican Church in the UK). ‘White weddings’, where the bride wore a white dress to symbolise purity and innocence, gained popularity in this period.

In the so-called ‘Modern Era’, marriages have become more diverse and are increasingly subject to individual preference, with same-sex marriage being allowed in many countries.



Cost:
I suppose the whole idea of a lavish wedding is to let as many people as possible know that you intend to stay married for a very long time – ‘till Death Us Do Part’ at least!

Princess Diana and that Charles bloke’s marriage cost around $48 million ($152 million today, adjusting for inflation), and Jeff Bezos’ wedding cost around $50 million.
Our wedding (where I married the most beautiful girl in the world – if you think that’s an extravagant boast, look at the picture!) cost almost nothing, over 57 years ago. My wife paid for the flowers, and her wedding dress was bought from a relative. We had no choir, no ‘limousine’, no lavish reception and so on. I think the marriage licence was 7/6 (seven shillings and sixpence) and the amount we paid to the clergyman (I’d elected to marry in Church, although I hadn’t set foot inside a church for about 15 years!) was really how much you wanted to pay. There was no set fee.



Longevity of marriage isn’t dependent upon the money you outlay – well, I suppose it is in a way, but not the way you’d think. Apparently, several studies have shown that more expensive weddings have the shortest life span. It is thought that couples who focus on extravagance might be prioritising immediate gratification or external validation over the long-term commitment of marriage.



We simply couldn’t afford any more for the wedding – I paid £4 for the wedding ring and £18 for the engagement ring. (Wages at the time were roughly about £12 a week, so you could say that in today’s money, the wedding ring cost about $300 and the engagement ring about $1200). Our wedding reception was at a relative’s house and we had a week on the Isle of White for our honeymoon. My only regret is not ‘eloping’ to Scotland – although I think in those days you had to ‘reside’ there for two weeks before you could be married. It would have been a good ‘fun’ story to tell our grandchildren if we had any!

Princess Diana was married in 1981 and divorced in 1996. So much for an expensive wedding! Let’s hope Jeff has better luck in the marriage lottery!


From the Editor:
Members, we’d love to hear your wedding stories. Share them in the comments below!

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