‘It’s my inheritance!’: What happens when adult kids feel entitled to your money
- Replies 0
It’s a scene playing out in homes across Australia: grey-haired parents enjoying a cuppa in their paid-off family home, when their adult children start dropping hints about “their” inheritance. As one Sydney real estate agent observed, the sense of entitlement some grown kids feel toward their parents’ money and property is nothing short of “astounding”. Elder advocates warn this isn’t just cheeky optimism – it’s feeding a rise in financial elder abuse, with many adult children treating Mum and Dad’s assets as a done deal before the will is even read.
In this lively look at a growing intergenerational flashpoint, we’ll explore why some adult kids are acting like heirs apparent to everything their parents own, how seniors are responding (from tough love to joining the “SKI Club” – Spending the Kids’ Inheritance!), and what it all means for Aussie families. Pour yourself a cuppa (or maybe something stronger), and let’s dive into the great inheritance showdown. After all, you’ve seen a thing or two in your time – but even you might raise an eyebrow at some of these stories!
Talk to any group of older Australians and you’ll hear murmurs of recognition – “Yes, my son has joked about his future house…”, “My daughter keeps asking what exactly is in the will…”. What used to be taboo – openly coveting your parents’ money – is now, for some families, disturbingly normal. A term has even emerged for this impatient heir syndrome: “inheritance impatience,” also dubbed “early inheritance syndrome.” It describes adult children who aren’t prepared to wait for nature to take its course – they want their portion now, thank you very much.
Thankfully, most scenarios aren’t that extreme. But many seniors report subtler pressures from their adult kids. Perhaps your daughter insists you downsize the family home “for your own good” – and conveniently, free up cash for the kids. Or a son moves back in “temporarily,” then acts as if your home is now his castle. Little comments like “When this house is mine…” or “Don’t spend too much, remember it’ll be my money one day,” can cut deep.
So, what’s fueling this rise in entitled attitudes? Longer lifespans, for starters. Aussie parents are living well into their 80s and beyond, which is wonderful – but it means the kids (now 50-somethings themselves) are waiting much longer for any inheritance. As lifespans increase, the waiting time for kids to come into their inheritance grows, giving rise to what’s bluntly called “Inheritance Impatience,” a phenomenon on the rise in Australia. Sounds harsh, doesn’t it? We all love our children and have sacrificed a lot for them. It’s hard to imagine our own flesh and blood as greedy or impatient. But times have changed, and parent–child relationships are getting more complicated than in the past.
One big factor is the soaring cost of housing and living. Many young (and not-so-young) Aussies simply can’t afford a home without help. In fact, 72% of Australians aged 18–34 feel they will never be able to buy a house of their own. Two in five young adults (25–34) say they intend to rely on family support to buy a house. With property prices in the stratosphere, it’s no wonder some look at Mum and Dad’s mortgage-free house and see their only hope. As one 36-year-old Adelaide woman put it bluntly (if a bit grimly): “I’m basically just waiting for my parents to die.” Yikes. She isn’t wishing her parents ill – she’s describing, with painful honesty, that her only path to home ownership may be an inheritance. For a generation priced out of the property market, Mum and Dad’s estate starts to look less like a windfall and more like a lifeline.
There’s also the matter of parental support throughout life. Today’s seniors have often helped their kids multiple times – paying for education, weddings, perhaps chipping in for that first home deposit. (The “Bank of Mum and Dad” is now one of Australia’s largest lenders, collectively worth an estimated $35 billion in loans and gifts!) More than 60% of first home buyers in Australia receive some financial assistance from their parents. Many parents are happy to help while alive – but this can set up an expectation for more later. Adult children might think, “Well, they helped me before; of course they’ll leave me the house or a big inheritance.”
Combine that with a modern sense of entitlement culture – some of today’s middle-aged “kids” grew up not hearing ‘no’ often – and you have a recipe for conflict. A Queensland retiree I spoke with chuckled that her 50-year-old son “still thinks I’m his personal ATM.” She set him straight – with love, but firmly. Not all parents find it so easy.
Most Aussies want to lend a hand to their kids where they can. But there’s a dark side when help turns into expectation. “Early inheritance syndrome” is what elder abuse experts call it. It starts innocently enough: maybe you agree to gift a tidy sum to your daughter to help with her mortgage – after all, you’re downsizing anyway. Or you let your recently divorced son move back home rent-free so he can get back on his feet. These are kind, normal family gestures.
Source: GBNews / YouTube
The trouble comes if the adult child starts treating it as their right. The Taylor & Scott Lawyers firm warns that what begins as help can slide into financial, emotional, or even physical abuse if the child’s “sense of entitlement” grows. They note cases of adult children pressuring parents relentlessly: “There have been instances where adult children withhold access to the grandkids or refuse to visit the parents until their financial ‘demands’ are met – like making the parent a guarantor for their home loan, against their will.” It often goes unreported, because what parent wants to admit their own child is bullying or blackmailing them?
Such abuse is often silent and unacknowledged, and older parents may be reluctant to label it abuse – they excuse it as normal family drama. But experts say we must call it what it is. If your adult son is making sinister threats or your daughter is helping herself to your bank account, that’s not just “kids being kids” – that’s elder abuse. Australia has even set up helplines for this: if you or someone you know is facing this kind of pressure, you can call 1800 ELDERHelp (1800 353 374) for advice. No one, absolutely no one, has the right to your money or home while you’re alive without your willing consent.
Let’s address one big point of confusion: the family home. Many adult kids assume that if Mum or Dad owns the house outright, eventually it’ll be theirs – and some act like it’s already promised. This gets especially sticky if the child is living at home with an elderly parent. You might have a 60-year-old parent still housing a 30-something “kidult” who’s convinced they’ll inherit the place and therefore can’t be kicked out.
Time for a reality check! In Australia, an adult child has no automatic legal right to occupy or inherit a parent’s home – not until that parent passes and leaves it to them in a valid will. Even if you’ve been living there for years, if Mum says “It’s time for you to move on,” you have no legal entitlement to stay in that house once her permission is withdrawn. As one NSW lawyer put it bluntly: there’s “not a cat’s whisker” of legal right for an adult child to stay if the parent wants them out. Ouch. But it’s true – your parents’ home is their property, and allowing you to live there is a favour, not an obligation.
We’ve seen some nasty showdowns when an elderly parent decides to sell the home (perhaps to fund retirement or moving to aged care) and an adult child refuses to leave. In such cases, police or court orders can come into play – a scenario no family wants. Seniors’ advocacy groups urge parents to set clear boundaries: living at home past a certain age should be by mutual agreement, with understanding that it’s temporary or conditional, not a permanent free ride.
If you’re a parent in this situation, you might consider a written agreement (even just a simple one) about any financial contributions or the expectations for how long junior can stay. It sounds formal, but it can save a lot of heartache later. Remember, your home is your sanctuary – you shouldn’t feel like a hostage in it because you’re afraid of making your child upset by asking them to move out.
There’s an old saying in estate law circles: “Inheritance is a privilege, NOT a right.” No one – not even your beloved child – is owed a chunk of your money. As harsh as that may sound, it’s backed up by the courts.
A recent (and rather dramatic) case in the NSW Supreme Court serves as a warning. Two middle-aged brothers took their own mother to court, fighting for a bigger slice of Grandpa’s $5.5 million estate (Grandpa had left everything to their mum, presumably trusting she’d provide for them eventually). One brother, Robert, pushed on with the lawsuit even after the other dropped out. The judge was scathing, describing Robert’s claim as driven by a “highly developed and unhealthy sense of entitlement.” In his judgment, the judge basically told the man off for planning his life around an inheritance instead of fending for himself.
“No-one is responsible for the position in which Robert now finds himself, except himself,” the judge wrote, noting that Robert had squandered opportunities and “like many an expectant heir… had not made the most of his opportunities, imprudently assuming” he’d get a windfall from Grandpa. The court rejected his claim outright.
This case echoes a sentiment many of us share: If you count on an inheritance and make that your life plan, you might be in for a rude shock. One commentator put it this way: “If they’re counting on it or waiting for it, they don’t deserve it – and if they’re not, they won’t care.” In other words, the only people who might deserve an inheritance are those who aren’t entitled brats about it. It’s a viewpoint plenty of Aussie seniors agree with, judging by the nods of approval whenever this topic comes up at community halls and RSL clubs.
Legally speaking, unless there’s a binding will that says otherwise, parents can leave their estate to whomever they please – charity, the cat, the kindly neighbour – or they can spend it all themselves. Adult children (unlike a dependent spouse or minor kids) aren’t automatically entitled to any inheritance under Australian law. Yes, children can contest a will they feel is unfair, but they’ll need to convince a court they have a valid claim (for example, they were financially dependent or the parent had a responsibility to provide for them). Simply whining “but I expected a fortune!” won’t cut it in court. In fact, judges are increasingly unimpressed with greedy claims, as we saw in Robert’s case.
We often hear about the coming “great wealth transfer” – billions set to pass from the Baby Boomers to their kids. And yes, Australian seniors as a whole are wealthier than any generation before, thanks to rising property values and superannuation. But here’s a twist: a lot of seniors today are saying, “Actually… I’m going to enjoy my money!”
There’s even a cheeky acronym: SKI, which stands for “Spending the Kids’ Inheritance.” It’s not just a joke; it’s a movement of sorts, embraced by many grey nomads and retirees who are prioritizing living their best life over penny-pinching for the sake of an inheritance. Why scrimp and save in old age just to leave a hefty estate? As one 70-year-old SKI enthusiast said on a forum, “We’re taking the cruises, fixing up the house, and if there’s nothing left for the kids, so be it. They should be happy we’re happy!”
This trend is backed by data. A National Seniors Australia survey of 5,770 older Australians found that only 3% planned to preserve all their savings for their kids. The rest? 97% intended to use their savings for their own retirement needs and enjoyment, at least to some degree. In fact, 10% expected to spend everything (go out with a bang!), and 41% more planned to spend most of their savings, leaving maybe a token amount. About 46% said they’d probably spend some but try to leave some – which, frankly, sounds like a pretty balanced approach. The key point is that very few feel obligated to leave the entirety of their wealth to the next generation.
Not to mention, many parents are helping in advance instead. Dr. Rees noted a trend of parents giving financial help earlier in life – such as for housing – rather than saving it all for a posthumous inheritance. This can actually be a win-win: the kids get the money when they truly need it (to buy a first home, for instance), and the parents get the satisfaction of seeing their gift put to use while they’re still around. But, it can also mean come will-time, the pot is smaller – and some offspring forget the help they already received.
Source: The Project / YouTube
Given these changing attitudes, it’s more important than ever for families to talk openly about inheritance and expectations. It might be an uncomfortable chat – money often is – but clear communication can prevent a world of hurt and misunderstanding later. If you’re a senior, consider letting your kids know, gently, what to expect. You don’t have to show them your bank balance or your will (in fact, it’s wise to keep control over your documents), but you might say, “We plan to use our money for our retirement; if anything’s left, you’ll get a share, but don’t bank on a huge inheritance.” Hearing that directly can set them straight.
As one frank father told his children, “We’re spending the lot – if you’re counting on an inheritance, you better make other plans!” (Needless to say, that started a lively dinner conversation – but ultimately, the kids appreciated the honesty.)
For their part, adult children should remember that any inheritance is essentially a gift, not something owed to them. Financial planners often advise the younger generation: don’t count your chickens before they hatch. Live your life as if you’ll have to stand on your own feet – because you will. If a windfall comes, great, bonus! If not, you won’t be left high and dry because you weren’t banking on it.
Seniors, if you feel your child is crossing lines – maybe pressuring you about money, or behaving as if your assets are theirs – it’s okay to set firm boundaries. You might involve a neutral third party, like a family counsellor or mediator, for a tough conversation. In cases of outright financial abuse (e.g., a child taking control of your accounts, coercing you to sign papers, or not letting you access your own funds), seek professional help immediately. Every state in Australia has elder abuse hotlines and legal aid. As mentioned, 1800 ELDERHelp is a national number that can guide you. Don’t be ashamed – sadly, it’s more common than many think, and help is available.
It’s also wise to get your legal ducks in a row. Make sure you have a valid, up-to-date will. If you’re worried about disputes, talk to a lawyer about strategies to make your will harder to contest (there are ways to structure bequests or use trusts to that effect). Consider your power of attorney arrangements carefully – the person who can manage your finances if you become unable. Choose someone trustworthy. Some experts even suggest appointing two people jointly, so there’s a check and balance. For instance, if you have two children and trust them both, making them co-attorneys means they’d have to agree on decisions, which can reduce the chance of one acting unilaterally out of self-interest.
Another idea is creating a formal family agreement if you do give a substantial gift or asset during your lifetime. For example, if a son is going to move in and act as a carer, perhaps put in writing what that entails and whether it affects his share of the estate later. It might feel awkward, but writing it down avoids confusion (or convenient “forgetfulness”) later. It can actually keep peace in the family by managing expectations.
In all this talk of entitlement and boundary-setting, it’s worth noting that empathy can go both ways. Many younger (and middle-aged) Australians truly are doing it tough – sky-high housing costs, insecure work, and now inflation biting into budgets. It’s understandable that some look toward their parents’ generation – who often had affordable homes and stable jobs – and feel a bit envious or frustrated. That doesn’t excuse greed or bad behavior, but it helps to understand where the sentiment comes from.
Some adult kids might not realise their casual remarks come off as grabby. “Gee Mum, your house would fetch $1.5 million now, imagine what we could all do with that,” said in jest, might actually be masking their genuine fear of never achieving the financial security their parents did.
Likewise, adult children should have empathy for their parents. Today’s seniors are living longer and don’t have the safety net their parents had – pensions aren’t a sure thing, healthcare and aged care are expensive, and they might need that money for themselves. Plus, after a lifetime of work, they’ve earned the right to spend their savings as they see fit – whether that’s on cruises, hobbies, or top-notch care in their later years. Remember, this is the generation that raised us, changed our nappies, paid our uni fees (or HELP loans), and perhaps sacrificed a lot to give us a good start. They don’t owe us a house deposit at the end of it all.
The happiest outcomes seem to come when families find a middle ground. Adult kids who are struggling can approach their parents with respect and gratitude, not entitlement, if they do need help. Many parents are willing to give an early inheritance if asked nicely and if they can afford it – for example, helping with a grandchild’s education fund or loaning money for a business venture. The key is treating it as a favour and a bonus, not a birthright. And being okay with no parents shouldn’t jeopardise their own security.
On the flip side, parents who have significant assets might consider the impact of leaving vastly unequal bequests or surprise decisions (like leaving the entire estate to one child or charity without telling anyone). That can sow discord.
Sometimes, entitlement issues flare up precisely because of secrecy or uncertainty. Clear communication (as much as you’re comfortable) and maybe even a family meeting about your wishes can prevent false expectations. If, say, you plan to leave more to a child who provided care or less to one whom you already helped buy a house, explaining your reasoning while you’re alive can help the kids accept it. They may not love it, but it’s better than a shock reading of the will later, which is how many contested wills and lifelong sibling feuds begin.
And hey, it’s not all doom and gloom. Plenty of families navigate this territory with love and laughter. I’ve heard of kids joking to their healthy 85-year-old dad, “Hurry up and spend my inheritance, old man – go on a cruise!” And the dad quips back, “I’m way ahead of you – business class tickets booked!” Everyone laughs, but it underscores a mutual understanding: the money belongs to the parents; if something’s left eventually, it’s gravy. If not, the kids will manage.
At the end of the day, Australian seniors have earned what they have, and how (or if) they pass it on is a personal choice, not an obligation. Most of us do want to give our kids a leg up if we’re able – that’s natural. But there’s a big difference between giving freely and feeling cornered into surrendering your financial security or tolerating disrespect. If you’re reading this and nodding along, perhaps it’s time to take stock: Are your adult children gracious and understanding, or are they inching into entitled territory? And have you clearly conveyed what you intend (or don’t intend) to do with your estate?
Remember, an inheritance isn’t something owed; it’s something that might be bestowed. As the saying goes, “an inheritance is a bonus, not a right”. You have every right to enjoy your life – travel, take up that hobby, improve your home, or pay for quality healthcare – without guilt. And you have every right to expect respect from your kids regardless of what they stand to receive.
So next time your son jokes about “my future beach house (a.k.a. your house)”, feel free to joke right back: “Keep dreaming, mate – this house is mine until I say otherwise!” And maybe follow it with a warm smile and a hug, just so they know you love them – even if you’re also gently setting them straight.
Parenting doesn’t exactly end when the kids grow up, does it? Even in your 60s, 70s, or 80s, you might still be teaching them lessons – including the big one that respect and gratitude matter more than any payday. Money and homes are important, sure, but family harmony and understanding are priceless.
Now, over to you: How are you handling the inheritance question in your family? Are you saving a legacy for the kids, helping them early, or joining the “SKI Club” and spending it guilt-free? And have you had “the talk” with your family about what happens with your money and home when you’re gone – or do you prefer they find out later? What’s your game plan for your hard-earned nest egg, and do your kids know it?
READ MORE: Are families ready to ride 'Australia's wealth tsunami'? Here's why good legacy handover matters
In this lively look at a growing intergenerational flashpoint, we’ll explore why some adult kids are acting like heirs apparent to everything their parents own, how seniors are responding (from tough love to joining the “SKI Club” – Spending the Kids’ Inheritance!), and what it all means for Aussie families. Pour yourself a cuppa (or maybe something stronger), and let’s dive into the great inheritance showdown. After all, you’ve seen a thing or two in your time – but even you might raise an eyebrow at some of these stories!
“It’s Not Theirs Yet!” – When Kids Treat Parents’ Assets as a Right
Talk to any group of older Australians and you’ll hear murmurs of recognition – “Yes, my son has joked about his future house…”, “My daughter keeps asking what exactly is in the will…”. What used to be taboo – openly coveting your parents’ money – is now, for some families, disturbingly normal. A term has even emerged for this impatient heir syndrome: “inheritance impatience,” also dubbed “early inheritance syndrome.” It describes adult children who aren’t prepared to wait for nature to take its course – they want their portion now, thank you very much.
Thankfully, most scenarios aren’t that extreme. But many seniors report subtler pressures from their adult kids. Perhaps your daughter insists you downsize the family home “for your own good” – and conveniently, free up cash for the kids. Or a son moves back in “temporarily,” then acts as if your home is now his castle. Little comments like “When this house is mine…” or “Don’t spend too much, remember it’ll be my money one day,” can cut deep.
Source: freepik / Freepik
The New Normal or Just Plain Greed?
So, what’s fueling this rise in entitled attitudes? Longer lifespans, for starters. Aussie parents are living well into their 80s and beyond, which is wonderful – but it means the kids (now 50-somethings themselves) are waiting much longer for any inheritance. As lifespans increase, the waiting time for kids to come into their inheritance grows, giving rise to what’s bluntly called “Inheritance Impatience,” a phenomenon on the rise in Australia. Sounds harsh, doesn’t it? We all love our children and have sacrificed a lot for them. It’s hard to imagine our own flesh and blood as greedy or impatient. But times have changed, and parent–child relationships are getting more complicated than in the past.
One big factor is the soaring cost of housing and living. Many young (and not-so-young) Aussies simply can’t afford a home without help. In fact, 72% of Australians aged 18–34 feel they will never be able to buy a house of their own. Two in five young adults (25–34) say they intend to rely on family support to buy a house. With property prices in the stratosphere, it’s no wonder some look at Mum and Dad’s mortgage-free house and see their only hope. As one 36-year-old Adelaide woman put it bluntly (if a bit grimly): “I’m basically just waiting for my parents to die.” Yikes. She isn’t wishing her parents ill – she’s describing, with painful honesty, that her only path to home ownership may be an inheritance. For a generation priced out of the property market, Mum and Dad’s estate starts to look less like a windfall and more like a lifeline.
There’s also the matter of parental support throughout life. Today’s seniors have often helped their kids multiple times – paying for education, weddings, perhaps chipping in for that first home deposit. (The “Bank of Mum and Dad” is now one of Australia’s largest lenders, collectively worth an estimated $35 billion in loans and gifts!) More than 60% of first home buyers in Australia receive some financial assistance from their parents. Many parents are happy to help while alive – but this can set up an expectation for more later. Adult children might think, “Well, they helped me before; of course they’ll leave me the house or a big inheritance.”
Combine that with a modern sense of entitlement culture – some of today’s middle-aged “kids” grew up not hearing ‘no’ often – and you have a recipe for conflict. A Queensland retiree I spoke with chuckled that her 50-year-old son “still thinks I’m his personal ATM.” She set him straight – with love, but firmly. Not all parents find it so easy.
When Help Turns to Harm: Early Inheritance Syndrome
Most Aussies want to lend a hand to their kids where they can. But there’s a dark side when help turns into expectation. “Early inheritance syndrome” is what elder abuse experts call it. It starts innocently enough: maybe you agree to gift a tidy sum to your daughter to help with her mortgage – after all, you’re downsizing anyway. Or you let your recently divorced son move back home rent-free so he can get back on his feet. These are kind, normal family gestures.
Source: GBNews / YouTube
The trouble comes if the adult child starts treating it as their right. The Taylor & Scott Lawyers firm warns that what begins as help can slide into financial, emotional, or even physical abuse if the child’s “sense of entitlement” grows. They note cases of adult children pressuring parents relentlessly: “There have been instances where adult children withhold access to the grandkids or refuse to visit the parents until their financial ‘demands’ are met – like making the parent a guarantor for their home loan, against their will.” It often goes unreported, because what parent wants to admit their own child is bullying or blackmailing them?
Such abuse is often silent and unacknowledged, and older parents may be reluctant to label it abuse – they excuse it as normal family drama. But experts say we must call it what it is. If your adult son is making sinister threats or your daughter is helping herself to your bank account, that’s not just “kids being kids” – that’s elder abuse. Australia has even set up helplines for this: if you or someone you know is facing this kind of pressure, you can call 1800 ELDERHelp (1800 353 374) for advice. No one, absolutely no one, has the right to your money or home while you’re alive without your willing consent.
The Family Home: No, They Can’t Just Take It
Let’s address one big point of confusion: the family home. Many adult kids assume that if Mum or Dad owns the house outright, eventually it’ll be theirs – and some act like it’s already promised. This gets especially sticky if the child is living at home with an elderly parent. You might have a 60-year-old parent still housing a 30-something “kidult” who’s convinced they’ll inherit the place and therefore can’t be kicked out.
Time for a reality check! In Australia, an adult child has no automatic legal right to occupy or inherit a parent’s home – not until that parent passes and leaves it to them in a valid will. Even if you’ve been living there for years, if Mum says “It’s time for you to move on,” you have no legal entitlement to stay in that house once her permission is withdrawn. As one NSW lawyer put it bluntly: there’s “not a cat’s whisker” of legal right for an adult child to stay if the parent wants them out. Ouch. But it’s true – your parents’ home is their property, and allowing you to live there is a favour, not an obligation.
We’ve seen some nasty showdowns when an elderly parent decides to sell the home (perhaps to fund retirement or moving to aged care) and an adult child refuses to leave. In such cases, police or court orders can come into play – a scenario no family wants. Seniors’ advocacy groups urge parents to set clear boundaries: living at home past a certain age should be by mutual agreement, with understanding that it’s temporary or conditional, not a permanent free ride.
If you’re a parent in this situation, you might consider a written agreement (even just a simple one) about any financial contributions or the expectations for how long junior can stay. It sounds formal, but it can save a lot of heartache later. Remember, your home is your sanctuary – you shouldn’t feel like a hostage in it because you’re afraid of making your child upset by asking them to move out.
Inheritance: Privilege, Not a Promise
There’s an old saying in estate law circles: “Inheritance is a privilege, NOT a right.” No one – not even your beloved child – is owed a chunk of your money. As harsh as that may sound, it’s backed up by the courts.
A recent (and rather dramatic) case in the NSW Supreme Court serves as a warning. Two middle-aged brothers took their own mother to court, fighting for a bigger slice of Grandpa’s $5.5 million estate (Grandpa had left everything to their mum, presumably trusting she’d provide for them eventually). One brother, Robert, pushed on with the lawsuit even after the other dropped out. The judge was scathing, describing Robert’s claim as driven by a “highly developed and unhealthy sense of entitlement.” In his judgment, the judge basically told the man off for planning his life around an inheritance instead of fending for himself.
“No-one is responsible for the position in which Robert now finds himself, except himself,” the judge wrote, noting that Robert had squandered opportunities and “like many an expectant heir… had not made the most of his opportunities, imprudently assuming” he’d get a windfall from Grandpa. The court rejected his claim outright.
Source: Seniors Discount Club
This case echoes a sentiment many of us share: If you count on an inheritance and make that your life plan, you might be in for a rude shock. One commentator put it this way: “If they’re counting on it or waiting for it, they don’t deserve it – and if they’re not, they won’t care.” In other words, the only people who might deserve an inheritance are those who aren’t entitled brats about it. It’s a viewpoint plenty of Aussie seniors agree with, judging by the nods of approval whenever this topic comes up at community halls and RSL clubs.
Legally speaking, unless there’s a binding will that says otherwise, parents can leave their estate to whomever they please – charity, the cat, the kindly neighbour – or they can spend it all themselves. Adult children (unlike a dependent spouse or minor kids) aren’t automatically entitled to any inheritance under Australian law. Yes, children can contest a will they feel is unfair, but they’ll need to convince a court they have a valid claim (for example, they were financially dependent or the parent had a responsibility to provide for them). Simply whining “but I expected a fortune!” won’t cut it in court. In fact, judges are increasingly unimpressed with greedy claims, as we saw in Robert’s case.
The Great Wealth Transfer (or Not?): Seniors Weighing Their Legacy
We often hear about the coming “great wealth transfer” – billions set to pass from the Baby Boomers to their kids. And yes, Australian seniors as a whole are wealthier than any generation before, thanks to rising property values and superannuation. But here’s a twist: a lot of seniors today are saying, “Actually… I’m going to enjoy my money!”
There’s even a cheeky acronym: SKI, which stands for “Spending the Kids’ Inheritance.” It’s not just a joke; it’s a movement of sorts, embraced by many grey nomads and retirees who are prioritizing living their best life over penny-pinching for the sake of an inheritance. Why scrimp and save in old age just to leave a hefty estate? As one 70-year-old SKI enthusiast said on a forum, “We’re taking the cruises, fixing up the house, and if there’s nothing left for the kids, so be it. They should be happy we’re happy!”
This trend is backed by data. A National Seniors Australia survey of 5,770 older Australians found that only 3% planned to preserve all their savings for their kids. The rest? 97% intended to use their savings for their own retirement needs and enjoyment, at least to some degree. In fact, 10% expected to spend everything (go out with a bang!), and 41% more planned to spend most of their savings, leaving maybe a token amount. About 46% said they’d probably spend some but try to leave some – which, frankly, sounds like a pretty balanced approach. The key point is that very few feel obligated to leave the entirety of their wealth to the next generation.
Not to mention, many parents are helping in advance instead. Dr. Rees noted a trend of parents giving financial help earlier in life – such as for housing – rather than saving it all for a posthumous inheritance. This can actually be a win-win: the kids get the money when they truly need it (to buy a first home, for instance), and the parents get the satisfaction of seeing their gift put to use while they’re still around. But, it can also mean come will-time, the pot is smaller – and some offspring forget the help they already received.
Source: The Project / YouTube
Bridging the Expectation Gap: Communication is Key
Given these changing attitudes, it’s more important than ever for families to talk openly about inheritance and expectations. It might be an uncomfortable chat – money often is – but clear communication can prevent a world of hurt and misunderstanding later. If you’re a senior, consider letting your kids know, gently, what to expect. You don’t have to show them your bank balance or your will (in fact, it’s wise to keep control over your documents), but you might say, “We plan to use our money for our retirement; if anything’s left, you’ll get a share, but don’t bank on a huge inheritance.” Hearing that directly can set them straight.
As one frank father told his children, “We’re spending the lot – if you’re counting on an inheritance, you better make other plans!” (Needless to say, that started a lively dinner conversation – but ultimately, the kids appreciated the honesty.)
For their part, adult children should remember that any inheritance is essentially a gift, not something owed to them. Financial planners often advise the younger generation: don’t count your chickens before they hatch. Live your life as if you’ll have to stand on your own feet – because you will. If a windfall comes, great, bonus! If not, you won’t be left high and dry because you weren’t banking on it.
Setting Boundaries and Seeking Advice
Seniors, if you feel your child is crossing lines – maybe pressuring you about money, or behaving as if your assets are theirs – it’s okay to set firm boundaries. You might involve a neutral third party, like a family counsellor or mediator, for a tough conversation. In cases of outright financial abuse (e.g., a child taking control of your accounts, coercing you to sign papers, or not letting you access your own funds), seek professional help immediately. Every state in Australia has elder abuse hotlines and legal aid. As mentioned, 1800 ELDERHelp is a national number that can guide you. Don’t be ashamed – sadly, it’s more common than many think, and help is available.
It’s also wise to get your legal ducks in a row. Make sure you have a valid, up-to-date will. If you’re worried about disputes, talk to a lawyer about strategies to make your will harder to contest (there are ways to structure bequests or use trusts to that effect). Consider your power of attorney arrangements carefully – the person who can manage your finances if you become unable. Choose someone trustworthy. Some experts even suggest appointing two people jointly, so there’s a check and balance. For instance, if you have two children and trust them both, making them co-attorneys means they’d have to agree on decisions, which can reduce the chance of one acting unilaterally out of self-interest.
Another idea is creating a formal family agreement if you do give a substantial gift or asset during your lifetime. For example, if a son is going to move in and act as a carer, perhaps put in writing what that entails and whether it affects his share of the estate later. It might feel awkward, but writing it down avoids confusion (or convenient “forgetfulness”) later. It can actually keep peace in the family by managing expectations.
Source: Seniors Discount Club
A Two-Way Street: Empathy Between Generations
In all this talk of entitlement and boundary-setting, it’s worth noting that empathy can go both ways. Many younger (and middle-aged) Australians truly are doing it tough – sky-high housing costs, insecure work, and now inflation biting into budgets. It’s understandable that some look toward their parents’ generation – who often had affordable homes and stable jobs – and feel a bit envious or frustrated. That doesn’t excuse greed or bad behavior, but it helps to understand where the sentiment comes from.
Some adult kids might not realise their casual remarks come off as grabby. “Gee Mum, your house would fetch $1.5 million now, imagine what we could all do with that,” said in jest, might actually be masking their genuine fear of never achieving the financial security their parents did.
Likewise, adult children should have empathy for their parents. Today’s seniors are living longer and don’t have the safety net their parents had – pensions aren’t a sure thing, healthcare and aged care are expensive, and they might need that money for themselves. Plus, after a lifetime of work, they’ve earned the right to spend their savings as they see fit – whether that’s on cruises, hobbies, or top-notch care in their later years. Remember, this is the generation that raised us, changed our nappies, paid our uni fees (or HELP loans), and perhaps sacrificed a lot to give us a good start. They don’t owe us a house deposit at the end of it all.
Finding the Middle Ground
The happiest outcomes seem to come when families find a middle ground. Adult kids who are struggling can approach their parents with respect and gratitude, not entitlement, if they do need help. Many parents are willing to give an early inheritance if asked nicely and if they can afford it – for example, helping with a grandchild’s education fund or loaning money for a business venture. The key is treating it as a favour and a bonus, not a birthright. And being okay with no parents shouldn’t jeopardise their own security.
On the flip side, parents who have significant assets might consider the impact of leaving vastly unequal bequests or surprise decisions (like leaving the entire estate to one child or charity without telling anyone). That can sow discord.
Sometimes, entitlement issues flare up precisely because of secrecy or uncertainty. Clear communication (as much as you’re comfortable) and maybe even a family meeting about your wishes can prevent false expectations. If, say, you plan to leave more to a child who provided care or less to one whom you already helped buy a house, explaining your reasoning while you’re alive can help the kids accept it. They may not love it, but it’s better than a shock reading of the will later, which is how many contested wills and lifelong sibling feuds begin.
Source: Seniors Discount Club
And hey, it’s not all doom and gloom. Plenty of families navigate this territory with love and laughter. I’ve heard of kids joking to their healthy 85-year-old dad, “Hurry up and spend my inheritance, old man – go on a cruise!” And the dad quips back, “I’m way ahead of you – business class tickets booked!” Everyone laughs, but it underscores a mutual understanding: the money belongs to the parents; if something’s left eventually, it’s gravy. If not, the kids will manage.
The Last Word: Your Money, Your Home, Your Choice
At the end of the day, Australian seniors have earned what they have, and how (or if) they pass it on is a personal choice, not an obligation. Most of us do want to give our kids a leg up if we’re able – that’s natural. But there’s a big difference between giving freely and feeling cornered into surrendering your financial security or tolerating disrespect. If you’re reading this and nodding along, perhaps it’s time to take stock: Are your adult children gracious and understanding, or are they inching into entitled territory? And have you clearly conveyed what you intend (or don’t intend) to do with your estate?
Remember, an inheritance isn’t something owed; it’s something that might be bestowed. As the saying goes, “an inheritance is a bonus, not a right”. You have every right to enjoy your life – travel, take up that hobby, improve your home, or pay for quality healthcare – without guilt. And you have every right to expect respect from your kids regardless of what they stand to receive.
So next time your son jokes about “my future beach house (a.k.a. your house)”, feel free to joke right back: “Keep dreaming, mate – this house is mine until I say otherwise!” And maybe follow it with a warm smile and a hug, just so they know you love them – even if you’re also gently setting them straight.
Parenting doesn’t exactly end when the kids grow up, does it? Even in your 60s, 70s, or 80s, you might still be teaching them lessons – including the big one that respect and gratitude matter more than any payday. Money and homes are important, sure, but family harmony and understanding are priceless.
Now, over to you: How are you handling the inheritance question in your family? Are you saving a legacy for the kids, helping them early, or joining the “SKI Club” and spending it guilt-free? And have you had “the talk” with your family about what happens with your money and home when you’re gone – or do you prefer they find out later? What’s your game plan for your hard-earned nest egg, and do your kids know it?
READ MORE: Are families ready to ride 'Australia's wealth tsunami'? Here's why good legacy handover matters
