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3 Little Words

The Coach

BEAR REPELLENT

Customer Service Please

The New Groom A Lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still pure." "What," said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married 10 times?" "Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative...

Granny with a gun.

The Suitcase I was just looking under my Mum's bed, when I came across a suitcase. Curiosity got the better of me, so I opened it. Inside was a leather mask, leather cape, crotchless leather shorts and a leather whip...... I couldn't believe it.......... My Mum....... A super hero !!.....

A young Scottish couple A young Scottish Lad and Lass were sitting on a low stonewall, holding hands, gazing out over the loch. For several minutes they sat silently then finally the girl looked at the boy and said, "A penny for your thoughts, Angus." Well, uh, I was thinkin'...perhaps it's...

New bike Little Johnny asked for a bike for his birthday. His Dad said, "We'd get you one son but our mortgage is $80.000 and your Mum just lost her job." Next day, little Johnny walked out with his suitcase all packed and his Dad asks, "Where are you going son?" Little Johnny replied, "I...

I've decided to get married Boy aged 4: Dad, I've decided to get married. Dad: Wonderful, do you have a girl in mind? Boy: Yes....Grandma! She said she loves me, I love her too....and she's the best cook and story teller in the whole world!! Dad: That's nice, but we have a small problem there...

The New Sales Rep A man was interviewing for a sales representative position. One man would have been ideal for the position except that he had a disconcerting mannerism. He kept winking. "Look here. I'd like to give you this job - you've got good references and experience. The trouble is this...

AN ACCIDENT

Marriage in Old Age A senior citizen said to his eighty-year-old buddy. "So, I hear you are getting married?" "Yep!" "Do I know her?" "Nope." "This woman, is she good looking?" "No, not really." "Is she a good cook?" "Naw. She can't cook too well." "Does she have lots of money?" "Nope, poor as...

Hospital Regulations Hospital regulations require a wheelchair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted that he didn't need my help to leave the...

LADIES NIGHT OUT

HORSE RIDING

WINE TASTING At a winery, the regular taster died and the director started looking for a new one to hire. A drunkard with a ragged, dirty look came in to apply for the position. The director of the winery wondered how to send him away. He gave him a glass to drink. The drunk tried it and...

MEN's HELP LINE MEN's HELP LINE---LETER OF THE MONTH Hi John, I really need your advice on a serious problem: I have suspected for some time now, that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs: if the phone rings and I answer, the caller hangs up, she goes out with the girls a lot. I...

LEMON PICKERS NEEDED Ms Sally Mulligan, read in her local newspaper that Lemon Pickers were needed. She decided to apply for one of the jobs that many are not willing to do. She submitted her application for a job, as a Lemon Fruit Picker, but seemed far too qualified for the job. She has a...

SLIDE SHOW WE ARE ACTUALLY HAVING A SLIDE SHOW ON TUESDAY. THE NEW MANAGER AT OUR RETIREMENT VILLAGE IS GOING TO SHOW US HIS PHOTOS OF HIS TRAVELS IN EGYPT. I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO THAT.