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Punch bowl And people used to wonder why I went for the fruit in the punch- the fruit soaked up the alcohol!!!

Venerable Bede Hooray for the Venerable Bede, Who frequently scattered his seed, Twixt alter and pew, He would seek postures new, And wherever it rained, cried God speed.

Cat joke (Dialect reduced). A Yorkshire Dales farmer says to his wife "Our old cat's constipated, better ring Vitnary and get some medicine". Vet was Scottish and was still learning dialect, sent up a very large bottle of laxative with instructions and says he will ring later. A couple of days...