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WHEN THINGS GO WRONG, AS THEY USUASLLY WILL AND YOUR DAILY ROAD SEEMS ALL UPHILL WHEN YOUR FUNDS ARE LOW AND YOUR DEBTS ARE HIGH WHEN YOU TRY TO SMILE BUT CAN ONLY CRY AND YOU REALLY FEEL YOU'D LIKE TO QUIT DON'T RUN TO ME, I DONT GIVE A S--T. Cannot be a member of SDC.

Dennis R's Morning Pun. Doctor - Doctor, will my measles be better by next Monday? I don't want to make any rash promises.

you should have looked before you leapt. What happens to winter fat? It becomes spring rolls.

I do not know why more Australians did not buy there own homes, when we arrived in Australia with not much money our first target was to buy a block of land and then build a house on it, It was a struggle but we achieved it and it is now paying off.

Would have been sitting in the chair for a long while, I hate to think what the barber charged him. Dennis R's Morning Pun. What do you call a dumb skeleton. A numbskull.

I can live with my pension quite comfortable, since reaching pension age I have stuck to this saying, If you cannot afford it do not buy it.

Short time ago was reading in Adelaide,s Advertiser That a woman has lost 800,000 on a new home scan.

Maybe she would be sore but she would be satisfied,

Dennis R's Afternoon Joke. What's the difference between a cat and a comma? A cat has claws at the end of it's paws and a comma is a pause at the end of a clause.

She was only the pawn brokers daughter, but she knew how to kiss under the balls.

It is nice to know that someone appreciates my efforts, being 95 now it helps to pass the day.

Dennis R's Morning Pun. Who was the smallest man in the world? The guard who fell asleep on his watch.

On a trip to the UK in 1996 my wife and friend who took us spent a pleasant day in Lincoln.

Some thing new, this week I was going through my files when I came across the first poem I wrote on the day 50 years from when starting our voyage to Australia, I thought you might like to read it. A NEW LIFE. FIFTY YEARS AGO FROM THE CITY OF...

Dennis R's Morning pun. What do you call a sleeping Bull? A bulldozer.

Beware the mighty. Dennis R's Morning Pun. Knock- Knock. Who's there? Waiter Waiter who? Waiter a minute while I tie my shoe.

A beauty where do you find them?

Good one but an oldie. Dennis R's Afternoon Joke. Why should you never trust atoms? They make up everything.

Part of my medication is a fluid tablet so number 10 top of list. Dennis R's Morning pun. Doctor - Doctor I feel like a window. Where's the pane?

A few weeks ago, I received from my Beyond bank an e/m saying I had been admitted to their 50 years business club I was a member of their Credit union for about 6 months before they became a bank, last week I received a new membership Card from my RAA motor insurance saying I had become a 50...