Recent content by Skipton

Bad Day! I had a really bad day. First, my ex got run over by a bus. Then, I got fired from my job as a bus driver!

The Great Outdoors! During John's physical, the doctor asked him about his daily activity level. John replied, "Well, yesterday morning, I waded along the edge of a lake, escaped from wild dogs in the heavy brush, marched up and down several rocky hills, stood in a patch of poison ivy...

More One liners 1 - I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize. 2 - Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back. 3 - Half the people you know are below average. 4 - 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name. 5 - 82.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot. 6 - A conscience is what hurts...

Conditions (adult) A guy lives with his wife in the same little town where they both grew up. He has a job in the same town, and occasionally, on his walk home from work, he goes into the bookstore and sneaks a look at “The Joy of Sex” to find a new position to try with his wife. So one...

''Pull Over Sir.'' A senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little gray hair he had left. Amazing, he thought as he flew down I-94, pushing the pedal even more...

''That Your Dog?'' Englishman: "That your dog?" Welshman: "Aye" Englishman: "Mind if I speak to him?' Welshman: "Dog don't talk.” Englishman: Hey dog, how's it going?" Dog: "Doing all right." Welshman: (look of shock) Englishman: Is this your owner?" (Pointing at the Welshman) Dog: "Yep."...

Wish Me Luck

Naan Doin! I was having a meal in an Indian restaurant. I was just finishing up and thinking about getting the bill when this little old lady came up to my table. She said: “You are such a lovely boy, with beautiful manners. You are a credit to your mum and dad.” Then off she toddled. I said...

Divine Intervention A man suffered a serious heart attack while shopping in a store.The store clerks Called 000 when they saw him collapse to the floor. The paramedics rushed the man to the nearest hospital where he had emergency Open heart bypass surgery. He awakened from the surgery...

Pet Shop Boys! An Englishman, a Scottish man and an Irishman all go for a job at a pet shop. The interviewer tells all three of them that they can have the job if they can sing a song that includes a dog in the lyrics. The Englishman sings, ''How much is that doggie in the window?'' The...

''If I Were A Carpenter'' Jesus was walking around Heaven one day. In a small, secluded garden He saw an old man, crying. Alarmed, Jesus ran up to him and said, “Hey, now, what’s all this? This is paradise. There should be no tears or sorrow.” The old man wiped away his tears and said, “Oh, I...

Close Friends!! Four older men were playing golf. Three took turns at boasting about their sons, knowing the fourth son was gay, and having disparaging thoughts about him. The first chap says: My son has done extremely well this year. He has made such a pile that he was even able to make a...

Smelly Badger (adult) Me and our Doris were driving home early tonight and she ran over a Badger. We got out of the car to check on it and thankfully it was still alive but was shivering. I said put it between your legs to keep it warm ? She said but it’s all wet and smelly . I said well hold...

Last Words When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer... Always something more important to me. Finally, she thought of a clever way to make...

Love Making Tips For Seniors 1. Wear your glasses to make sure your partner is actually in the bed. 2. Set timer for 3 minutes, in case you doze off in the middle. 3. Set the mood with lighting. (Turn them ALL OFF!) 4. Make sure you put 911 on your speed dial before you begin. 5. Write...