[Danielle F.]

A heartfelt gesture or boundary crossed? One wedding gift reignited an unresolved family divide.​

AIBU, which stands for 'Am I Being Unreasonable', is the perfect platform for sharing your thoughts and opinions! So, for today's AIBU discussion, we have this story from Reddit/burner187_:

Am I being unreasonable for declining a wedding present from my mother’s new husband?​

'So some quick background on the situation, my mother and I reconciled over the previous holiday season and started speaking and meeting again for the first time in six years after she had cheated on my father and my parents got divorced.'


'In the 7 months since she first reached out to me via my sister, things had progressed well to the point where my wife and I felt comfortable inviting her to our wedding. The one outstanding issue/ disagreement we still have though was that I have zero interest in ever meeting her new husband Tim who was the man she was cheating on my father with.'

'She has made several attempts to try and introduce him to me however each time I rejected it and made it clear I have zero interest in ever meeting or interacting with the man. Anyways fast forward to Monday on my wedding night and as my wife is looking through some of our wedding gifts she notices one is labelled from “Tim”.'


'Later on I approached my mother and asked if Tim got my wife and I a wedding gift and she said he had and hoped it could be somewhat of an olive branch between him and I. I thanked her and Tim for the gift but later on after checking with my wife I approached my brother and gave him the gift and told him to drop it off at my mother and Tim’s house since I wasn’t going to accept it.'

'He took it and apparently dropped it off at their house tonight. Upon seeing my brother drop the gift off , my mother called me upset that I had refused to accept Tim’s present. I told her I was simply maintaining the same stance that I have had the entire time regarding Tim which is that I want nothing to do with him. So am I being unreasonable for rejecting my mothers new husbands wedding present?'

 

[Lisa]

Seriously grow up and get over yourself! YOU are not perfect either! Things happen and you have NO IDEA what caused this break up apart from the fact you BLAME your mother ENTIRELY for cheating...does it occur to you that it takes two to tango??? Your father has a share of blame here too and you are acting like a spoilt brat NOT AN ADULT! PLUS its NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS! ITS THEIRS

 

[Rita]

It takes 2 to tango! Why just take it out on Tim for the affair? Doesnt seem fair to me.

 

[Marilynne]

My gosh what a "Holier than Thou" attitude he needs to learn life happens and there are many reasons people have an affair being in an unhappy marriage would be top of the list.

 

[Aussie all the Way]

It takes 2 to tango! Why just take it out on Tim for the affair? Doesnt seem fair to me.

Agree totally, he should be pissed with mum as well and if he doesn't talk to one it should be the same for the other.

 

[Bullwinkle]

Time to get over yourself…life is too short…move on, let your mum be happy…gee family gatherings are going to be interesting, or will you invite mum, but not Tim…
Grow up, be a better human being!!

 

[Joydie]

If you love your mother, I would think you'd want her to be happy. For whatever reason, which by the way you have no idea about, your father wasn't making your mother happy. Your mother's relationship has nothing whatever to do with you. Just concentrate on your own marriage.

Give your mother a break and accept Tim. He doesn't have to become your best friend, but it's time you grew up and accepted reality.

 

[MariaG]

I'm thinking this one calls for ... casting the first stone.
Such goings on ... as the saying goes ... sh*t happens.

 

[7777]

If you dont want to have anything to do with your mother's new husband, so be it. Don't. No body wants a third person to enter their parents marriage. If your mother walked out, it was from her own free will. What ever happened to for better or worse, in sickness and in health, who was bullshitting when these words were promised to each other. No body here understands the pain that you felt and still hold, when you saw your mother with Tim, because Tim is not with their mother, Tim is with your mother, and it breaks your heart that the father that you love so dearly has been cheated on. How can people just say, grow up or get over it, shit happens. OMG, you are not plastic, you are human with feelings of care and family love. If that was me in your position, I would avoid Tim everywhere and anywhere I could. Had your father passed away, then it would seem reasonable for your mother to seek companionship. But your father is well and alive, and without appearing disrespectful, it looks like her physical needs over powered her devotion, her respect and love for your father. Shit does not happen, people create shit in their lives, please excuse me for my words. It's just that I can not tolerate cheating within a marriage. Yes you had every right to send the gift back that was from Tim. The reason you are the way you are, is because you love both your mother and father so much, that under no circumstances will you accept anyone coming in-between their love for one another. Good on you. May all the luck, success, prosperity and happiness in the world be blessed upon you and your wife in your marriage together forever.