[Athena E.]

'Am I in the wrong for not cooking 'fancier' meals—even if my partner keeps asking?'​

AIBU, which stands for 'Am I Being Unreasonable', is the perfect platform for sharing your thoughts and opinions! So, for today's AIBU discussion, we have this story from Reddit/Local_Moment_4782:

Am I being unreasonable for not cooking 'fancier' meals?

'I'm the only one who cooks in our house. It's just 4 of us, my husband, me, and my daughter and little brother. My husband is 27 and I'm 25.'

'My husband barely knows how to make eggs, even though I've tried to talk to him constantly about learning how to cook. My daughter and brother are still in elementary school so they only help me cook.'

'The responsibility falls on me and it's honestly exhausting.. so, I just set up a system in my head. It's easy, for breakfast It's just something with eggs or cereal. Lunch is some sort of sandwich, burger, or leftovers. Dinner is the meal I usually plan but I have like 10 dishes I repeat. Sometimes I'll go off, especially Sunday, but generally I stay because it's easier for me mentally.'

'Well, one day I made just pasta alfredo with chicken, and as we were eating, my husband mentions that it would be nice if I made "fancier" dishes. I asked him what he meant, and he explained he wants me to change things up, add some more meat dishes and variety.'

'Next time, we went out shopping and I was putting ingredients I don't usually buy into the trolley. As the ingredients started piling up, my husband was getting all puffy and upset. We got to the meat aisle and I started picking out beef, and that's when my husband lost it and started taking things out of the trolley. Saying that we can't afford my "fancy living". I blinked at him and tried to explain that he was the one who asked for variety and different dishes, so I'm buying different ingredients.'

'He rolled his eyes and told me that I'm being dramatic. I just let him do his thing, taking out most of the ingredients out.'

'The next week, I made the same dishes because that's all I had ingredients for. A week passed, and my husband was all pouting that I made fried rice again and that he's sick of chicken. When I pointed out that he took out all the beef out of our trolley, he blew up on me again and said I'm being an a****** because he doesn't know how to cook?'

'Am I being unreasonable?'

 

[KarenD]

Absolutely not with the rising cost of food.

 

[Miss Jewel]

No you are not being unreasonable. Your husband is the arsehole here. Would not be surprised if he is controlling or blaming you for other things too.

 

[MariaG]

I am so angry at this bloke on behalf of his hard working "partner in life".
My guess would be that he doesn't contribute to any housework or care of the kids. He seems like that kind of bloke.
No, it's not being unreasonable to dig the heels in.
My only suggestion is to go off on a holiday and let him see what it's like running a household. I would venture to say that the fast food bill would skyrocket.

 

[Witty]

I think everyone who does the household shopping knows only too well that prices just keep going up and we all have had to make some adjustments to what we buy.
Could I suggest that you ask him what he calls "fancy Meals" When he names something look up a recipe for it. It sounds like you go shopping together so have the list of ingredients ready - he has already named a "fancy meal" that he would like. Buy the ingredients - any hassle, just remind him that this is a dish that he wants. Again, suggest that the two of you make "his" dish at the weekend. The two of you together - he might learn something. If this works out well, get him to name another "fancy dish" and each week add one of his choices to the shopping and again make it together at the weekend or a night that suits you both. Any complaints about the cost - just remind him that this is what HE wants. Who knows he might not like his choices!!!!! My husband always says something if he enjoys it. Otherwise he says nothing - smart man. Do not criticise something that I have spent ages cooking as his plate could go in the bin and he can get his own. Many moons ago I made Swedish meatballs and they were horrible and went in the bin. Our youngest daughter came home from netball practice and unfortunately she said "yuk, what is this" Well she had to sit and eat everything on her plate. Never complained again. All husbands need to know how to cook something - who knows when a time will come and he has to. Best of luck.

 

[KarenD]

I am so angry at this bloke on behalf of his hard working "partner in life".
My guess would be that he doesn't contribute to any housework or care of the kids. He seems like that kind of bloke.
No, it's not being unreasonable to dig the heels in.
My only suggestion is to go off on a holiday and let him see what it's like running a household. I would venture to say that the fast food bill would skyrocket.

Could not agree more

 

[Veggiepatch]

Why is the wife's brother living with the family when he is most probably five to ten years old? Twenty years younger than the wife. Ummm....

 

[MariaG]

There would be a back story there.
It happens when parents don't want to, or are unable to, care for a child. It's either fostering, the streets, or a big hearted older sister.
There's a lot of rubbish going on out there, some of which would make your hair curl.

 

[HelenB55]

You are not being unreasonable at all.

If hubby won’t specifically say the type of meals he wants, then just keep cooking the meals you know he will eat.

Trying to think of different meals to eat all the time is very exhausting.

My hubby rarely complains as he will eat anything I cook him. He would eat anything that can be made into a sandwich or pie.

I sometimes cook a special meal to add some variety to my meal plans, but mostly I cook the same things every couple of weeks.

 

[Jo Piper3]

Ask him to cook for you if he is so unhappy.

 

[Joydie]

Run, don't walk. This man is a control freak and will only get worse as time goes on. My husband has refused to share the cooking for 57 years, despite knowing that I loathe it. There was no way our son was going to miss out on good nutrition, so despite working full time as a nurse, shift work as well, I cooked.

I remember one Sunday when I'd started work at 6am, mentioning to a workmate that I was going home to cook a baked dinner, because Hubby liked a roast on a Sunday. She told me I was mad, that normal people have something simple like baked beans on toast on Sundays. This was a huge bone of contention between us, but that was one storm we weathered.

I'm happy to say that I no longer cook. I'm not physically able to prepare food that needs peeling or cutting up, and I can't be trusted with handling heat sources. Bummer! LitenEasy is a boon.

If you're not able to just ignore this manchild and carry on doing things your way despite his whining, you're going to have to leave, because he's unlikely to change.

 

[Keswickian]

I could cook for myself if I had to but my wife is so much better at it so I'm grateful for every meal she puts in front of me.

 

[Miss Jewel]

Why is the wife's brother living with the family when he is most probably five to ten years old? Twenty years younger than the wife. Ummm....

Ah, so what?

 

[Luckyus]

Lets face it sweetheart, your husbands a useless prick. He isn't a politician by any chance?

 

[Toni Wrinkles]

Be Very careful ok, I have been in your predicament his anger and shopping action was uncalled for, you have your daughter and brother to think of too, your husband I feel might be leading to DV I hope I am wrong but it sounds like he wants the fancy food but doesn't want to pay for it, he may resent the kids sweetie and may take it out on you, when I say be careful I mean Be Aware...............I certainly hope things work our and I am just a silly old worry wart........take care

 

[gordon1940]

I am so angry at this bloke on behalf of his hard working "partner in life".
My guess would be that he doesn't contribute to any housework or care of the kids. He seems like that kind of bloke.
No, it's not being unreasonable to dig the heels in.
My only suggestion is to go off on a holiday and let him see what it's like running a household. I would venture to say that the fast food bill would skyrocket.

My thoughts too.

 

[magpie1]

Next time that you are due to go shopping together, feign sickness and tell him that he will need to do the shopping without you...then tell him to just buy the usual or whatever he wants and see what he comes up with...and at the same time check how much the bill is. Who knows he might surprise you with his choices for meals....might make him a happy chappy rather than a grumpy ungrateful R's hole. Good luck.

 

[Parrot]

He is being a jerk .. tell him to do the Shopping and the cooking if He is that unhappy
With what you serve .

 

[Charlotte59]

My answer to this question is simple, and it's my standard for men who can't or won't try to cook. Quite simply, Any man who can't get himself a feed, isn't worth feeding.

 

[Bill MacL]

Tell him it's TV shows like masterchef that are causing the cost-of-living crisis, if he doesn't like your cooking, cook his own.