Note from the Editor:
This article was written for the SDC by psychologist and member @Jan A. Jan A. works part-time, taking on clients under the Medicare Mental Health Care Plans. She works with people of all ages, from children to seniors!

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is a largely misunderstood condition. The condition is also known as ‘Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder’.

Those around a BPD person are confused and on edge, not knowing when or why the BPD person might become angry and abusive. They feel they are 'walking on eggshells' to keep the BPD person from exploding into a violent rage or threatening suicide.

The book I Hate You: Don’t Leave Me gives an excellent summary of BPD on its title page:

• Violent mood swings
• Chronic depression
• Self-destructive tendencies

One of the main defining features of this condition is a persistent fear of abandonment. They fear they will die if someone leaves them. High in self-blame, they believe abandonment implies they are bad, and they may engage in self-mutilation to relieve a sense of being unworthy. BPD is a dangerous condition. People with BPD frequently attempt suicide, and 8-10% of those succeed.

BPD stands for Borderline Personality Disorder. Image Credit: Shutterstock

They tend to idealise people in their relationships. If the BPD person believes people they care about let them down in some way, they will angrily accuse the other of not loving them or doing enough for them. They limit social or family contact for others to keep them focused on the BPD person and prevent anyone else from encouraging their loved one to leave. Unexpected changes to plans, e.g. someone is late, cause the BPD person to become distressed, seeing the changes as some kind of disparagement and rejection.

They may harm themselves to promote guilt in others, persuading them that if they leave and the BPD person commits suicide, it will be the other person’s fault. The BPD person swings from love to hate. If the loved one lets down the BPD person in some way, even if they are not aware they are doing so, the BPD person becomes enraged, abusive and even violent.

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[DLHM]

Your article is so familiar to me @Jan A.
I know someone quite well who’s been diagnosed with BPD. She’s my son’s partner and is the mother of their son. They’ve been together for 12 turbulent years. Very complicated story.

It’s a scary and worrying situation for my son and grandson, particularly with her unpredictable, violent temper. She’s been known to stab my son with knives and even a roasting fork.

It’s not easy getting psychiatric help, although she knows she needs it. I’ve tried helping by taking her to a mental facility but it didn’t work out. I’ve given her thousands of dollars over the years so she could get help, but she spends it on useless stuff for herself.

I know she enjoys the physical and mental pain she inflicts on those around her. She self medicates making the problems worse. She enjoys getting “high”.

Even my 10 yr old grandson has psychological problems from his mother’s drug use while she was pregnant with him. He was kept in hospital for three months after his birth to detox.

She’s beyond help and I wish she would die. Sounds heartless of me, but it would be the best solution for all. Life is hell for my grandson and son.

 

[Still Ebby]

Your article is so familiar to me @Jan A.
I know someone quite well who’s been diagnosed with BPD. She’s my son’s partner and is the mother of their son. They’ve been together for 12 turbulent years. Very complicated story.

It’s a scary and worrying situation for my son and grandson, particularly with her unpredictable, violent temper. She’s been known to stab my son with knives and even a roasting fork.

It’s not easy getting psychiatric help, although she knows she needs it. I’ve tried helping by taking her to a mental facility but it didn’t work out. I’ve given her thousands of dollars over the years so she could get help, but she spends it on useless stuff for herself.

I know she enjoys the physical and mental pain she inflicts on those around her. She self medicates making the problems worse. She enjoys getting “high”.

Even my 10 yr old grandson has psychological problems from his mother’s drug use while she was pregnant with him. He was kept in hospital for three months after his birth to detox.

She’s beyond help and I wish she would die. Sounds heartless of me, but it would be the best solution for all. Life is hell for my grandson and son.

Oh Debra how terrible for you all and l can see how you would wish her gone.Perhaps your son and grandson should leave her for their own safety .l hope she she can get the help she badly needs.So sorry l wish you well and hope things get better

 

[DLHM]

Oh Debra how terrible for you all and l can see how you would wish her gone.Perhaps your son and grandson should leave her for their own safety .l hope she she can get the help she badly needs.So sorry l wish you well and hope things get better

Thank you Ebby. The whole situation is so very complex. My son wants to leave with his son, but the whole story is so long, complicated and unbelievable that it would take volumes of books to write it all.

If only my son had listened to everyone long before the pregnancy, they wouldn’t be in this horrible position. My son thought he could help with her problems. But now he knows he should’ve listened to the good advice.

Life sure can be unpredictable (putting it mildly).

 

[Still Ebby]

Thank you Ebby. The whole situation is so very complex. My son wants to leave with his son, but the whole story is so long, complicated and unbelievable that it would take volumes of books to write it all.

If only my son had listened to everyone long before the pregnancy, they wouldn’t be in this horrible position. My son thought he could help with her problems. But now he knows he should’ve listened to the good advice.

Life sure can be unpredictable (putting it mildly).

Hope things improve.

 

[Macarj]

Sounds like my mate he has Bipolar syndrome

 

[Jan A]

What an awful situation for everyone involved. Non-professionals cannot help people who have psychiatric illnesses. It always ends in disaster. Regardless of how complex the situation is, the safest option is for him to leave and take the child with him. Her history of violence and mental instability will be in his favour in claiming full custody. The child’s welfare must be the primary consideration.

 

[RobbyNotTheRobot]

Psychiatry is full of Quacks who overcharge.
How do I know that?
I knew one and the things he told me in confidence, he is dead now so I can say it, the arguments they had back in university on what causes Transgenderism and yet all of them where learning the same thing in the same class in the same university shows me the Quackery of it all.

 

[DLHM]

Hope things improve.

She’s beyond help. The only way the whole situation could improve is if she dies. With the variety of drugs she takes, I don’t know how she keeps alive. She’s truly evil.

But thank you for your kind thoughts.

 

[Jest]

not to worry, it will not be long until all of society have some kind of mental problem. every man and his dog has one now.