When tattoos meet traditions: The bridesmaid dilemma that's dividing Australian families

A text message between friends has sparked a heated online debate about modern weddings, traditional expectations, and where the line should be drawn when it comes to asking loved ones to change their appearance for photos.

The controversy began when a bridesmaid shared her story on social media after receiving an uncomfortable request from her bride friend.

Despite being asked to stand by her mate's side on the biggest day of her life, she was told to step out of all wedding photos because her tattoo sleeve might 'ruin them' and cause her to 'overshadow' the bride.

What followed was a torrent of responses from people around the world, with many calling the bride's behaviour 'extremely disrespectful' and 'humiliating' toward her friend.

The friendship-testing request

The woman, who had been friends with the bride for over 20 years, was initially excited about her role as bridesmaid.

However, her excitement quickly turned to disappointment when she received a text asking her to avoid the wedding photos due to her full tattoo sleeve, despite the fact that 'all of the bridesmaids and the bride will also all have visible tattoos (mine are larger though).'

The situation became even more awkward when another bridesmaid revealed that the bride was worried the tattooed bridesmaid would 'overshadow' her.

The story struck a nerve because it highlights a growing tension in Australian society between traditional wedding expectations and the reality that tattoos have become increasingly mainstream.

Australia's tattoo reality check

The irony of this situation becomes clear when you look at Australian tattoo statistics. Our latest research shows one in four Australians has a tattoo (25 per cent)—a record high, up from 20 per cent in 2018 and 19 per cent in 2016. What's particularly interesting is that the proportion of women with tattoos now exceeds that of men by more than ten percent (31 per cent women compared to 19 per cent men).

According to international surveys, 43 per cent of the Australian and Argentine populations are tattooed, putting Australia among the most tattooed countries in the world. Australia has the most women with tattoos globally, with 31 per cent of women having at least one tattoo.

This means the bride's concern about tattoos 'ruining' wedding photos goes against the grain of what's now considered normal in Australian society.

The wedding industry weighs in

Professional wedding photographers and planners have mixed views on handling tattoos in wedding photos. Many note that photographers can easily edit tattoos out of photos, though this comes with additional costs and complications.

For advanced editing like tattoo removal, couples can expect to spend as much as $10 per image or even more, with some photo editors charging an hourly fee of around $34 per hour.

Professional retouching experts describe tattoo removal as 'hours of professional, detail-oriented and difficult editing' that definitely warrants compensation, as it goes well beyond typical wedding photo editing.

Some wedding industry professionals take a strong stance against asking bridal party members to hide their tattoos. Bridal expert commentary suggests that 'you will be a bride so marvelously beautiful that NOTHING near you could possibly take away from that' and that 'our outward appearance is our identity. Asking anyone to specifically change any part of themselves to conform to your personal beauty standards is...well...it's a lot of adjectives.'

The generation gap in wedding expectations

As one wedding researcher noted: 'In a generation, tattoos have been transformed from a sign of rebellion and non-conformity, to symbols of personal meaning and life-change.' This shift helps explain why the bridesmaid situation has caused such passionate responses.

The trend reflects broader social changes: 'Many life-markers have disappeared from Australia's lives—from christenings, first Communions and marriages, to first pay cheques and moving out of home. This has created a yearning to symbolise the chapters of life with new markers and tattoos are part of the new symbolism.'

For older Australians, wedding photos have traditionally been about creating timeless, formal images that would look appropriate hanging in the family home for decades. For younger generations, authenticity and personal expression often matter more than conforming to traditional aesthetic standards.

Practical solutions that actually work

If you're facing this dilemma—whether as a bride, bridesmaid, or family member—there are several approaches that can satisfy everyone:

What the experts recommend

Wedding etiquette experts generally advise against asking bridal party members to significantly change their appearance. As one forum contributor noted: 'You are the bride, people WILL be drawn to you. Your photographer will know exactly how to position you so that you capture the spotlight. The day is temporary, but friendships should last longer.'

Professional wedding planners often remind couples: 'You cannot ask her to cover them because they are part of who she is. The exception is pornographic/violent/racist tattoos. If your guests disapprove, that is their issue. It's not your responsibility to prevent or respond to their reactions.'

The consensus seems to be that if tattoos were a genuine concern, they should have been considered before asking someone to be in the wedding party.

The social media response

The online response to the original story was overwhelmingly supportive of the bridesmaid, with comments like 'What's the point of you being in the wedding when not in the wedding photos? If you're a bridesmaid, it should mean the bride loves you for you' and 'Wedding pictures are to help you remember all of the moments and people that made your day special. If she doesn't want to remember you at her wedding, then why bother going?'

Many suggested that the bride's behaviour revealed deeper issues about insecurity and control rather than genuine aesthetic concerns. The fact that other bridal party members also had tattoos made the selective exclusion particularly problematic.

Moving forward with respect

This controversy highlights how Australian wedding traditions are evolving alongside our changing social attitudes. As researchers note: 'The proportion of Australians with a tattoo has steadily been increasing over the last few years and marks a shift away from linking tattoos to youthful rebellion, low class or crime.'

For couples planning weddings, the key lesson might be to have these conversations early and honestly. If certain appearances are important for your wedding vision, it's better to discuss this upfront rather than putting friends in uncomfortable positions later.

For friends and family members, understanding that weddings can bring out strong emotions and perfectionist tendencies in otherwise reasonable people can help navigate these tricky situations with grace.

Ultimately, the most beautiful wedding photos are often those that capture genuine love, joy, and the authentic relationships that matter most to the couple—tattoos and all.

What's your take on this wedding dilemma? Have you experienced similar situations where traditional expectations clashed with modern realities? Share your thoughts and experiences with fellow members!