[Observer]

Vows not vowels​

 

[Dennis]

Dennis R's Afternoon Joke. The Ceo Of IKEA was just made president of Sweden. He should have his cabinet together by next week.

As you missed out on Anzac Day I have included another one . I went into a posh club in a pair of filthy overalls, This snotty manager said I am sorry you cannot come in here dressed like that. OK I said whilst leaving if you want your air conditioner fixing do it yourself.

 

[Barbara V]

Must admit this newsletter was a bit boring

 

[Ingot]

From Facebook
***************
A cowboy, who just moved to Montana from Texas,
walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Bud.
He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.

When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar
and orders three more.

The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy:
"You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it.
It would taste better if you bought one at a time."

The cowboy replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers.
One is in Arizona, the other is in Colorado.

When we all left our home in Texas, we promised that
we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together.
So I'm drinking one beer for each of my brothers and one for myself."

The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.

The cowboy becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way.
He orders three mugs and drinks them in turn.

One day, he comes in and only orders two mugs.
All the regulars take notice and fall silent.

When he comes back to the bar for the second round,
the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief,
but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss."

The cowboy looks quite puzzled for a moment,
then a light dawns in his eyes and he laughs.

"Oh, no, everybody's just fine," he explains.
"It's just that my wife and I joined the Baptist Church
and I had to quit drinking."
“It hasn't affected my brothers though."

 

[SM17453]

Oh BarbaraV. You must be a sour curmudgeon. If, at some stage you found the newsletter boring, simply unsubscribe. I, and I'm sure many other subscribers, love the newsletter. Topical content and laugh out loud moments. Please just stop, stop, stop trying to bring down the mood.

 

[Ingot]

From Facebook:
***************
A man and his wife planned to go on vacation.
But the wife was engaged in business briefly,
so the man went to the destination first and
his wife would meet him the next day.

When he reached his hotel, he decided to
send his wife a quick email.

Unfortunately, when typing her email address, he
mistyped a letter and his note was directed
instead to an elderly preacher’s wife whose
husband had passed away only the day before.

When the grieving widow checked her email,
she took one look at the monitor, let out a
piercing scream, and fell to the floor in a dead faint.

At the sound, her family rushed into the room
and saw this note on the screen:

"Dearest Wife,
Just got checked in.
Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
P.S. Sure is hot down here."