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THOUGHTS FOR THE DAY
(Most old, some new, most silly, some true.)
-It's been months since I bought the book, How To Scam People On-Line. It still hasn't arrived yet.
-If you have a red wine stain on your carpet, get some white wine and drink it until you don't care anymore.
-One good thing about being wrong is the joy it brings to others.
-Even rarer than a doctor who can't stand the sight of blood is a lawyer who can't stand the sight of money.
-If your palm itches, you are going to get something. If your crotch itches, you've already got it.
-My wife and I decided to never go to bed angry. We've been awake since Tuesday.
-My wife said: "That's the 4th time you've gone back for dessert! Doesn't it embarrass you?" I said, "No, I keep telling them it's for you."
-My wife and I started role-playing in the bedroom. Her favourite is The Sexy Librarian, where I have to sit quietly while she reads a book.
-Being old is when you don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go too.
-I now know how it will all end for me, one of my kids will unplug my life support to charge their phone.
-At a wedding reception, someone yelled: "All married people, please stand next to the one person that has made your life worth living." The bartender was almost crushed to death.
-I met my wife at a singles night. I was surprised because I thought she was home with the kids.
-I want someone I can share my entire life with who will leave me alone most of the time.
(Most old, some new, most silly, some true.)
-It's been months since I bought the book, How To Scam People On-Line. It still hasn't arrived yet.
-If you have a red wine stain on your carpet, get some white wine and drink it until you don't care anymore.
-One good thing about being wrong is the joy it brings to others.
-Even rarer than a doctor who can't stand the sight of blood is a lawyer who can't stand the sight of money.
-If your palm itches, you are going to get something. If your crotch itches, you've already got it.
-My wife and I decided to never go to bed angry. We've been awake since Tuesday.
-My wife said: "That's the 4th time you've gone back for dessert! Doesn't it embarrass you?" I said, "No, I keep telling them it's for you."
-My wife and I started role-playing in the bedroom. Her favourite is The Sexy Librarian, where I have to sit quietly while she reads a book.
-Being old is when you don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go too.
-I now know how it will all end for me, one of my kids will unplug my life support to charge their phone.
-At a wedding reception, someone yelled: "All married people, please stand next to the one person that has made your life worth living." The bartender was almost crushed to death.
-I met my wife at a singles night. I was surprised because I thought she was home with the kids.
-I want someone I can share my entire life with who will leave me alone most of the time.
