[Luckyus]

The Wedding (Non-PC)​

It was a typical Irish wedding... lots of Guinness, Jameson's and mead. There was singing and a troupe of delightful Irish dancers, while the happy male guests swung pretty partners around the floor.
Traditionally, late in the festivities, there was a bit of a ruckus. However, it didn't take long for it to escalate into a fully blown donnybrook. Tables, chairs, bottles and glasses flew around the venue and resulted in a visit by a number of Garda with truncheons drawn.
Inevitably, the following day, a group of men were arraigned in the local courtroom. One of them was directed to the dock, where he took the Oath.

"Seamus O'Doherty," the judge said, looking at him sternly, "I note that the charge sheet indicates you were the man responsible for instigating the violence at this wedding, which you lot attended."

Seamus, hanging his head said, "Yes, Your Honour."

"Well, O'Doherty, please tell the court in your own words, how this came about."

"It was like this, Your Honour, I'd had a few tipples you see and being sat next to the bride, her heady perfume in my nostrils, while her hot thigh was pressed against mine, was all a bit much to take, so I asked her for the first dance as the lights over the dance floor dimmed."

"How would that cause a problem, most of the men at a wedding get to dance with the bride?"

"Perhaps I was dancing a bit close to her. I was holding her from behind and her head was leaning back on my shoulder."

"It says here, O'Doherty, that you were the bridegroom, so traditionally you would receive the first dance. I don't see a little closeness as a problem sufficient enough to cause such an affray."

"The groom didn't see it that way, Your Honour."

"What did he say?"

"He didn't say anything, Your Honour, he just rushed across the dance floor and kicked the bride fair in the crutch."

"Oh! That was shocking, it must have been extremely painful!"

"It certainly was, Your Honour,

the bastard broke my thumb and two fooking fingers!"