[Skipton]

The Chicken And The Duck​

A duck was standing by a busy roadside,​

waiting for a break in traffic as cars went roaring by. ​

A chicken walks up and says,

"Don't do it, mate.

You'll never hear the end of it."

 

[thomas]

Patrick and Mick are walking down the street in Sydney, and they see a sign on a store which reads, "Suits $5.00 each, shirts $2.00 each, trousers $2.50 each.”

Patrick says to his pal, "hey Mick, look here! We could buy lots of these, take 'em back to Dublin, sell 'em to our friends, and make a fortune.

Just let me do the talkin' cause if they hear your accent, they might think we're ignorant, and won't wanna sell that stuff to us. Now, I'll talk in a slow Aussie accent, so's they don't know we’re from Dublin.”

They go in and Patrick says with his best fake Aussie accent, "I'll take 50 of them suits at $5.00 each, 100 of them there shirts at $2.00 each, 50 pairs of them there trousers at $2.50 each. I'll back up my ute and …."

The owner of the shop interrupts, "you blokes are from Ireland aren’t you”

"Well...yeah," says a surprised Patrick...."How come you know that?”


"Because this is a dry cleaners.

 

[thomas]

"Chet" the Christmas Carol Parrot One Christmas Eve, a frenzied young man ran into a pet shop looking for an unusual Christmas gift for his wife. The shop owner suggested a parrot, named Chet, which could sing famous Christmas carols. This seemed like the perfect gift. "How do I get him to sing?" The young man asked, excitedly. "Simply hold a lighted match directly under his feet." was the shop owner's reply. The shop owner held a lighted match under the parrot's left foot. Chet began to sing: "Jingle Bells! Jingle Bells! ..." The shop owner then held another match under the parrot's right foot. Then Chet's tune changed, and the air was filled with: " Silent Night, Holy Night..." The young man was so impressed that he paid the shop-keeper and ran home as quickly as he could with Chet under his arm. When the wife saw her gift she was overwhelmed. "How beautiful!" She exclaimed, "Can he talk?" "No," the young man replied, "But he can sing. Let me show you." So the young man whipped out his lighter and placed it under Chet's left foot, as the shop-keeper had shown him, and Chet crooned: "Jingle Bells! Jingle bells!..." The man then moved the lighter to Chet's right foot, and out came: "Silent Night, Holy night..." The wife, her face filled with curiosity, then asked, "What if we hold the lighter between his legs?" The man did not know. "Let's try it," he answered, eager to please his wife. So they held the lighter between Chet's legs. Chet twisted his face, cleared his throat, and the little parrot sang out loudly like it was the performance of his life: "Chet's nuts roasting on an open fire...."