[Observer]

The Breakfast Meltdown​

A wife was **peacefully frying eggs** for breakfast when, out of nowhere, her husband **charged into the kitchen** like a man on a life-or-death mission.

**"Careful! CAREFUL!"** he yelled, eyes wide with panic. **"Add more butter! Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many eggs at once! TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW!"**

The wife froze, spatula in hand, as he continued his **dramatic performance.**

**"We need more butter! WHERE is the butter? They're going to stick! CAREFUL! I said BE CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! NEVER! TURN THEM! HURRY! Are you CRAZY? Have you lost your mind? And don’t forget the salt! You always forget the salt! USE THE SALT! THE SALT!”**

She slowly turned to him, eyebrow raised, spatula hovering mid-air.

**"What is WRONG with you? You think I don’t know how to fry eggs?"**

Her husband smirked. **"I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I’m driving."**

…He is now recovering in the hospital.

 

[Dennis]

Dennis R's Morning Joke. You are so dumb you left your job as a telephonist because you kept hearing voices.

 

[Reet]

A elderly lady was walking through town when she was stopped by a young man with a clipboard.
"
Excuse me Madam," he said, "We're conducting market research. Tell me, have you ever had a senior moment?"
The elderly lady looked thoughtful for a moment before replying "Sorry, dear, what was the question again?"
"We'll put you down for a 'yes'", he said as he ushered her on her way.

 

[Luckyus]

A LITTLE LIGHT READING TO WHILE AWAY AN EVENING

Why isn’t there a pregnant Barbie doll?
Ken came in another box.

How did Burger King get Dairy Queen pregnant?
He forgot to wrap his Whopper.

My wife asked me to spoon in bed, but I’d rather fork.

What’s the difference between peanut butter and jam?
Only one has nuts.

What do you call a nanny with breast implants?
A faux-pair.

Why couldn’t the lizard get a girlfriend?
Because he had a reptile dysfunction.

What’s the difference between ‘Oooh!’ and ‘Aaah!’?
About three inches.

What is Peter Pan’s favorite place to eat out?
Wendy’s.

What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?
She gagged.

Why did the sperm cross the road?
Because I put on the wrong sock this morning.

What’s the difference between you and an egg?
An egg gets laid.

I can be short or long, and women usually demand my full attention. What am I?
A conversation.

I asked my wife if she ever fantasizes about me, and she said yes—about me taking out the trash, mowing the lawn and doing the dishes.

What do you call an expert fisherman?
A master baiter.

Did you hear about the guy who died of a Viagra overdose?
They couldn’t close his casket.