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Sperm Count
An 70 year old man went to the docs for a routine check up, after he was finished the doc said we'll have to do a sperm count, take this sample jar and bring it back tomorrow.
Next day he brings the jar back empty, the doctor says " what happened" well he says, I tried with each hand but couldn't manage.
Then the wife tried with each hand, and her mouth, nothing.
Then our neighbour Elsie tried with each hand
and squeezed it between her knees, nothing.
The doctor looked at him, " you asked your neighbour?"
Aye he said, none of us could get the bloody top off the jar.