[Michelle Engbino]

Should I have lowered my pride and helped out my ex-wife?​

AIBU, which stands for 'Am I Being Unreasonable', is the perfect platform for sharing your thoughts and opinions! So, for today's AIBU discussion, we have this story from Birgit_Kraft.

'Am I being unreasonable for refusing to take my ex-wife to the ER?'

'This incident occurred a decade ago, but recently came up in conversation with my oldest son, who was 7 at the time. While I believed I was justified in the moment, over the years I have come to the conclusion that I am not proud of my actions that day. My son maintains that I did the right thing.'

'Six months prior to the incident, my wife and I had agreed to divorce after her extra-marital activities came to light. We agreed on everything except who would keep the house. I told her that unless she took over the mortgage and utilities that I would not be leaving.'

'Two months prior, when it was evident that I was staying put, she made a play to remove me from the home, and had me served with a 2-week TRO. Caught off guard, I rented a room with a coworker in the neighbourhood and hired a lawyer.'

'I followed all the rules, went to court, answered all of the judge's questions, and the TRO was revoked. After 3 weeks I was back in my house and she was angrier than ever. I'm including this background only because it explains my combative state of mind during the event.'

'Two weeks prior, I took my kids out of state to visit family for Christmas and New Years. I asked Amy, my soon-to-be-ex-wife to shovel the walk and porch stairs while we were away. She didn't, and upon our return there was 2 inches of ice on the stairs and sidewalk.'

'The day after we returned, Amy had arranged to meet up with a craigslister to buy a piece of furniture for the house she had rented. She was going with her friend Lisa, who had also set up a CL purchase of her own. When Lisa pulled into the driveway, Amy hurriedly ran out the door, slipped on the icy porch steps, and landed on a ceramic planter, cutting her hand open.'

'It wasn't a life or death situation, but there was blood and she did need stitches. She came back in, freaking out. I told her to go wrap it up and have Lisa take her to the ER. Meanwhile, Lisa had come up to the door to see what the commotion was about. I told Lisa that she needed to take Amy to the ER.'

'Lisa said she wasn't going to blow off her CL meetup, and that I should take her. I said that ER visits weren't part of my role anymore. Lisa accused me of acting abusively. I sarcastically asked her why she would want to leave her friend dependent on her abuser.'

'Ultimately, Lisa left for her meetup, and I packed up the kids and dropped off Amy at the ER. I let her find her own way home.'

'If you had asked me the next day, I would have said I acted righteously and that Lisa should have stepped up for her friend. With the clarity of time, I feel that I should have swallowed my pride and better demonstrated for my kids how a father should act.'

'Lay it on me.'

'[Some suggest] that she could have driven herself. We owned only manual cars, and her injury would have made her unable to shift gears.'