In a society that often portrays men as the perpetually desirous gender, it's easy to overlook the fact that women, too, can experience an insatiable sexual appetite. For some, like the pseudonymous Veronica, thoughts of sex are a constant companion, a persistent whisper that can be both a source of pleasure and a cause for concern. The modern narrative around female sexuality is slowly shifting, recognizing that women's desires are as varied and complex as men's. Yet, for those like Veronica, who find themselves on the high end of the sexual desire spectrum, life can be a labyrinth of challenges and misunderstandings.

Understanding High Sexual Desire in Women

Veronica, a pseudonym for a woman with high sexual desire, described it as both 'lovely' and exhausting, posing daily challenges. Credit: Shutterstock

The concept of sexual desire in women has long been a topic of fascination and confusion. Sex educator Emily Nagoski sheds light on the subject by explaining that sexual response is a delicate balance between the excitatory and inhibitory systems. The 'gas pedal' of this system responds to all sex-related stimuli, whether external or internal, while the 'brakes' provide all the reasons not to engage in sexual activity at a given moment. This balance is unique to each individual, with some having more sensitive accelerators or brakes than others.

For women with low sensitivity brakes, the pursuit of sexual pleasure can sometimes lead to high-risk behaviors. These behaviors may be intellectually understood as dangerous, but the drive can be so overpowering that caution is cast aside. This can have profound implications for personal safety, relationships, and mental health.

The Impact of Constant Sexual Thoughts on Relationships and Self-Esteem

Veronica's experience is a testament to the complexities of living with an overactive sexual desire. Her constant thoughts about sex have led to feelings of shame, unsafe sexual practices, and strained relationships. The impulse to make sexual jokes or comments at inappropriate times can also create awkward social situations, further complicating her interactions with others.

In the realm of romantic relationships, the initial excitement of a partner who is willing to 'keep up' with a high sex drive often fades, leaving women like Veronica and Sarah (another pseudonym) feeling rejected and questioning their self-worth. The stereotype that men always want sex can exacerbate these feelings, leading to a damaging cycle of doubt and frustration.

Communicating About Desire with Sexual Partners

The key to navigating the waters of mismatched sexual desires lies in communication. Nagoski emphasizes the importance of discussing sexual needs with partners to find a middle ground that satisfies both parties. For those with high sexual desire, it's crucial to explore non-sexual ways to fulfill the need for connection and intimacy. Removing the pressure and expectation around sex can sometimes allow desire to flourish naturally, without the burden of obligation.

Finding a Sexual Match and Embracing Sexual Identity

For some, like Jade, the journey to understanding and embracing their sexual desire involves significant life changes, such as questioning their sexuality and leaving unsatisfying relationships. Jade's sexual awakening came later in life, and finding a partner with a matching libido has been a source of joy and fulfillment.

The fluctuating nature of sexual interest throughout life means that compatibility is not static. It's about how individuals feel at a particular moment, considering the myriad changes in their bodies, relationships, and overall life circumstances.

Living with High Sexual Desire

While high sexual desire can be overwhelming, as Veronica's story illustrates, it is possible to find a balance and make peace with one's sexual nature. Learning to control and channel sexual thoughts can lead to healthier decisions and a more harmonious existence.

For our readers over 60, it's important to remember that sexual desire does not simply fade with age. It can remain a vibrant and significant part of life, and for some, it may even intensify. Embracing your sexuality, communicating openly with partners, and seeking fulfillment in various aspects of life can lead to a rich and satisfying sexual journey, regardless of age.

Key Takeaways

• Veronica, a pseudonym for a woman who experiences high levels of sexual desire, describes the feeling as both 'lovely' and exhausting, presenting challenges in daily life.
• Sex educator Emily Nagoski explains that sexual response is influenced by a balance between excitatory and inhibitory processes, with some women having more sensitive 'accelerators' or 'brakes.'
• Women with high sexual desire can face feelings of shame, engage in risky behaviours, and experience challenges in relationships due to differences in sexual appetite.
• Communication about sexual needs with partners is important, and for some, finding alternative ways to experience connection can help alleviate the pressure of mismatched sex drives.

We invite you to share your experiences and thoughts on this topic. Have you or someone you know grappled with high sexual desire? How has it affected your relationships and self-perception? Join the conversation below and let's talk about the complexities and joys of sexuality in our later years.

 

[hdhensel]

Apart from a few snippets of truisms the article is written by someone with serious issues of self-doubt. The style of writing is more in the way of a psychologically illusionary rambling of imaginary experiences conjured up by female sex educators. Writing something for the sake of writing.

 

[DLHM]

Communication…honest, sincere communication is a top priority in a successful relationship.

 

[hdhensel]

Agreed. But it has to come from within - not from textbook stuff written by American sex educators

 

[DLHM]

Agreed. But it has to come from within - not from textbook stuff written by American sex educators

Absolutely!

 

[Kevin. A.]

Finding an even keel for both partners can be quite challenging. However, Communication, compassion and understanding is the key to equality for both partners for any intimate relationship.

 

[hdhensel]

You should be finding that even keel before you decide to get married. If it means a lot of sailing so be it. If you hit some rocks I suggest a rethink. Don't let your hormones get the better of you

 

[Kevin. A.]

You should be finding that even keel before you decide to get married. If it means a lot of sailing so be it. If you hit some rocks I suggest a rethink. Don't let your hormones get the better of you

The only way you understand someone is when you live together. Both partners must want the relationship to work. Every relationship takes hard work, understanding and lots and lot and lots of give and take on every level.

 

[hdhensel]

Hi Kevin, if it takes THAT much give and take then you are not all that compatible. Working hard at keeping the relationship going on an even keel means that at some time you will hit the occasional snag. Hopefully you will be able to work it out with much damage done.

 

[hdhensel]

without

 

[Kevin. A.]

Hi Kevin, if it takes THAT much give and take then you are not all that compatible. Working hard at keeping the relationship going on an even keel means that at some time you will hit the occasional snag. Hopefully you will be able to work it out with much damage done.

My wife and I have been married for over 45 years. We have our differences, and we can read each other like a book. However, sometimes things do not go as planned and there are the inevitable differences in opinion, expectation, goals and solutions. We are human beings, and we are two different people and have different opinions and different ways of looking at things. No two people on this planet will ever see eye to eye on every issue life has to throw at you. Knowing and understanding that two people are different and respecting those differences is part of any loving relationship. My wife and I look and laugh when we hear some of these celebrities who get, married and a few weeks or years later, if that, they are in the divorce courts, citing inconsolable differences. If you wish a marriage to work, you have to want the marriage to work. Not a marriage of expectations, convenience or ownership. Two people in any marriage have to work through their differences, expectations, goals and problems, and it is a matter of give and take. No marriage is ever going to be that perfect walk in the park the reality is very different. The wide-eyed euphoric fuzzy feelings within the honeymoon period have to stop eventually, as you get on with normal life, and all of life's hurdles that come with it. The alarm is set for Monday 5am, you have been up with the sick kids since 2am you are tiered lack of sleep, and you have to get up and get back to work eventually.

 

[hdhensel]

Well said Kevin,
We were together for 45 years also but then along comes something unexpected and she thinks the grass is greener on the other side - only to find a lot of saltbush and prickles

 

[Kevin. A.]

Well said Kevin,
We were together for 45 years also but then along comes something unexpected and she thinks the grass is greener on the other side - only to find a lot of saltbush and prickles

You have to watch that saltbush it tends to hide a whole lot of tumbleweed with lots of thorns. Cheers.

 

[MaryEM]

My wife and I have been married for over 45 years. We have our differences, and we can read each other like a book. However, sometimes things do not go as planned and there are the inevitable differences in opinion, expectation, goals and solutions. We are human beings, and we are two different people and have different opinions and different ways of looking at things. No two people on this planet will ever see eye to eye on every issue life has to throw at you. Knowing and understanding that two people are different and respecting those differences is part of any loving relationship. My wife and I look and laugh when we hear some of these celebrities who get, married and a few weeks or years later, if that, they are in the divorce courts, citing inconsolable differences. If you wish a marriage to work, you have to want the marriage to work. Not a marriage of expectations, convenience or ownership. Two people in any marriage have to work through their differences, expectations, goals and problems, and it is a matter of give and take. No marriage is ever going to be that perfect walk in the park the reality is very different. The wide-eyed euphoric fuzzy feelings within the honeymoon period have to stop eventually, as you get on with normal life, and all of life's hurdles that come with it. The alarm is set for Monday 5am, you have been up with the sick kids since 2am you are tiered lack of sleep, and you have to get up and get back to work eventually.

Totally agree Kevin, I was married for 50 years, my husband passed away recently and left a hole in my life. I have never said that our marriage was perfect as we had our ups and downs over the years but raised three amazing children and have six grandchildren as a result of our union. We were short of money for many years when the children were young but worked together to provide a home and food on the table. The pressure at times put a strain on the relationship but instead of throwing it away we communicated and worked things through. I believe that it is way too easy to walk out on a relationship rather than try to work through the problems. Having said that if there is violence or one person in the relationship is controlling then separation is the best thing.

 

[Kevin. A.]

Totally agree Kevin, I was married for 50 years, my husband passed away recently and left a hole in my life. I have never said that our marriage was perfect as we had our ups and downs over the years but raised three amazing children and have six grandchildren as a result of our union. We were short of money for many years when the children were young but worked together to provide a home and food on the table. The pressure at times put a strain on the relationship but instead of throwing it away we communicated and worked things through. I believe that it is way too easy to walk out on a relationship rather than try to work through the problems. Having said that if there is violence or one person in the relationship is controlling then separation is the best thing.

I agree Mary absolutely. Marriage is never easy but both partners have to respect each other and communicate. There will always be those ups and downs, and there is no room for violence or a controlling partner. There has to be equality, respect, give and take, communication and a willingness to overcome every obstacle. The hardest things in life are never easy, but they give the greatest rewards. Cheers.