[Skipton]

Senior Humour​

The biggest joke on mankind is that computers have begun asking humans to prove they aren’t a robot.

I don’t mean to interrupt people but I just randomly remember things and get really excited.

I’m at that delusional age where I think everyone my age looks way older than I do.

Just once I want a username and password prompt to say CLOSE ENOUGH.

If I am ever on life support unplug me and plug me back in and see if that works.

Do you ever wake up in the morning and look in the mirror and think, “That can’t be accurate!”

I see people out there zip lining and mountain climbing and here I am feeling good about myself because I got
my leg through my underwear without losing my balance.

If Adam and Eve were Cajuns they would have eaten the snake instead of the Apple and saved us all a lot of trouble.

We celebrated last night with a couple of adult beverages…Metamucil and Ensure.

You know you are getting old when friends with benefits means having someone who can drive at night.

Weight loss goal: To be able to clip my toenails and breathe at the same time.

After watching how some people wear their masks I understand why contraception fails.

Some of my friends exercise every day, meanwhile I am watching a show I don’t like because the remote fell on the floor.

For those of you that don’t want Alexa listening in on your conversation they are making a male version….it doesn’t listen to anything.

Now that I have lived through a plague I totally understand why Italian renaissance paintings are full of fat people lying on couches.

Three thousand and twenty-seven years from now, life will either be really good or really bad. It’s 5050.

In Ancient Rome there were four types of poisons. Poisons I, II and III would all kill you but Poison IV would make you really itchy.

Just learned that a dentist who rents a space on the main floor of our building got arrested for selling drugs. Shows how wrong you can be about people. I’ve been going to him for years. Never knew he was a dentist.

What’s the difference between a kleptomaniac and a literalist? The literalist takes things literally. The kleptomaniac takes things, literally.

I came, I saw, I forgot what I was doing, retraced my steps, got distracted on my way back, have no idea what’s going on and now I have to pee.