[Luckyus]

Quickies >​

quickies

In the Pub the other day I was telling that old joke about what do you do if you see an epileptic having a fit in the bath ? Answer. Throw in your washing. We were all having a good laugh about this when this big bastard tapped me on the shoulder and said '' I don’t find that very funny. My brother was an epileptic and he died in the bath during one of his fit's'' I said '' Sorry mate did he drown'' No he said '' he choked on a sock ''

Visited a brothel and asked ''How much for Anal'' She said £60 ''Too much I said, far too expensive I will just leave it''
She said ''F*cking tight arse'' ''Oh go on then'' I said.

My Mum walked in on me masturbating. I wish she would stay in her own room doing it!

For years I thought my Wife had Tourettes, but apparently I am a fat arse and she really does want me to f*ck Off

The wife said to me last night ''If you turn the bedside lamp off I'll take it up the bulb.
Maybe I should have waited for the bulb to cool down first.

Wife said to me what were you doing on the computer last night. Looking for cheap flights I said.
She got all exited and told me she loved me, unzipped my pants and gave me the best blowjob ever
which is very odd because she's never shown any interest in darts before.

My mate reckons he always cries after sex. Mind you. He is in Prison.

That's the last time I use my Sean Connery accent to tell the wife to sit on my face.

Shagged my best mates wife last night and today I feel like shit. She must have had the flu or something.

The wife came out of the bathroom and said ''I have just shaved my pussy and you know what that means don't you'' I said ''Yeah the f**king plug hole is blocked again''

Dear Abbie. I was watching my next door neighbour's 15 year old daughter sunbathing from my bedroom window. The sight got too much for me and I started knocking one out. I had just finished and was wiping my knob on the curtains when I noticed my wife standing in the bedroom door. She had watched me from start to finish without saying a word. Is she a pervert?

A little kid said to me ''what's your favourite Telly Tubby'' I said ''Probably the Samsung 42 inch flat screen you cheeky little Bastard.

Nearly shagged a Ladyboy last night. Picked him up in a night club. He Looked like a woman. Smelled like a woman. Danced like a woman. Even kissed like a woman, but as we arrived back at his apartment he reversed his car into a tight parking slot in one fluid movement. That's when I thought ''Fkin hang about !!!!''

I saw my mate Charlie this morning, he's only got one arm bless him. I shouted ''Where you off to Charlie'' he said ''I'm off to change a light bulb'' Well I just cracked up, couldn't stop laughing. I said'' That's gonna be a bit awkward init''
''Not really'' He said.'' I still have the receipt you insensitive bastard''

I used to go out with a girl who punched me in the face when she orgasmed.
I didn't mind too much until I found out she was faking them.

 

[Jarred Santos]

Quickies >​

quickies

In the Pub the other day I was telling that old joke about what do you do if you see an epileptic having a fit in the bath ? Answer. Throw in your washing. We were all having a good laugh about this when this big bastard tapped me on the shoulder and said '' I don’t find that very funny. My brother was an epileptic and he died in the bath during one of his fit's'' I said '' Sorry mate did he drown'' No he said '' he choked on a sock ''

Visited a brothel and asked ''How much for Anal'' She said £60 ''Too much I said, far too expensive I will just leave it''
She said ''F*cking tight arse'' ''Oh go on then'' I said.

My Mum walked in on me masturbating. I wish she would stay in her own room doing it!

For years I thought my Wife had Tourettes, but apparently I am a fat arse and she really does want me to f*ck Off

The wife said to me last night ''If you turn the bedside lamp off I'll take it up the bulb.
Maybe I should have waited for the bulb to cool down first.

Wife said to me what were you doing on the computer last night. Looking for cheap flights I said.
She got all exited and told me she loved me, unzipped my pants and gave me the best blowjob ever
which is very odd because she's never shown any interest in darts before.

My mate reckons he always cries after sex. Mind you. He is in Prison.

That's the last time I use my Sean Connery accent to tell the wife to sit on my face.

Shagged my best mates wife last night and today I feel like shit. She must have had the flu or something.

The wife came out of the bathroom and said ''I have just shaved my pussy and you know what that means don't you'' I said ''Yeah the f**king plug hole is blocked again''

Dear Abbie. I was watching my next door neighbour's 15 year old daughter sunbathing from my bedroom window. The sight got too much for me and I started knocking one out. I had just finished and was wiping my knob on the curtains when I noticed my wife standing in the bedroom door. She had watched me from start to finish without saying a word. Is she a pervert?

A little kid said to me ''what's your favourite Telly Tubby'' I said ''Probably the Samsung 42 inch flat screen you cheeky little Bastard.

Nearly shagged a Ladyboy last night. Picked him up in a night club. He Looked like a woman. Smelled like a woman. Danced like a woman. Even kissed like a woman, but as we arrived back at his apartment he reversed his car into a tight parking slot in one fluid movement. That's when I thought ''Fkin hang about !!!!''

I saw my mate Charlie this morning, he's only got one arm bless him. I shouted ''Where you off to Charlie'' he said ''I'm off to change a light bulb'' Well I just cracked up, couldn't stop laughing. I said'' That's gonna be a bit awkward init''
''Not really'' He said.'' I still have the receipt you insensitive bastard''

I used to go out with a girl who punched me in the face when she orgasmed.
I didn't mind too much until I found out she was faking them.

It's always the last line that's a gem!

 

[Wandiwa]

Everyone loves a quicky.