[Luckyus]

Poor Bastard (Very NON-PC)​

Bloke walks into a pub with a cat on one shoulder and a flamingo on the other.

He says to the barman "I'll have a pint of lager for me, large scotch for the cat, and a vodka and tonic for the flamingo please"

The barman serves him and says, that's £14.52 please"

The cat says "bloody hell, that's extortionate, its only around a tenner in Wetherspoons!", but the bloke tells him to shut up, they drink their drinks and leave.

Next day, the bloke goes back into the pub. Again, he's got a cat on one shoulder and a flamingo on the other. He asks for a lager for himself, large scotch for the cat and vodka and tonic for the flamingo. The barman says, "that'll be £14.52 please" and the cat says "**** me, you have to take out a second mortgage to drink in here", but the bloke tells him to shut up, they drink their drinks and leave.

Next day the bloke goes back into the pub, cat on one shoulder, flamingo on the other. The barman says "look, before you say anything, I know you'll want a pint of lager for yourself, a large scotch for the cat and a vodka and tonic for the flamingo, and the cat will complain about the price. But can I just ask why you go around with a cat on one shoulder and a flamingo on the other?"

The bloke replies, "Well, it's like this, I was digging my garden one day, when I came across a grubby old lamp buried in the soil. I gave it a rub to try to clean it up, and a genie popped out and told me I could have any wish I want granted."
"Wow" says the barman. "So what did you ask for?"

And the bloke replies "A bird with long legs and a tight pussy"