Family dynamics can sometimes lead to a bit of a pickle, and fairness becomes a blurred line when it comes to parents treating their children equally. At the Seniors Discount Club, we understand that family often becomes the most significant factor in our lives, and we’re here to provide support and advice in every scenario—even this one.

Recently, we stumbled upon an issue that sparked a heated debate among the online community and even within our team. It involves a woman being left in a bit of a huff after her parents gifted their second house to her sister while she had to save for years to buy her own. Now she wonders if her frustration is justified.

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The anonymous woman took to Mumsnet, a British forum, to share her dilemma. She detailed how she bought her house at the age of 25 through 'hard work and years of saving’, but her 20-year-old sister does not own a home yet. Their parents, who possess two properties, suggested giving one house to their younger daughter.

As you can imagine, this idea didn't sit well with the older sibling. She felt that the situation was unfair because while she had to work hard for her accomplishments, her sister seemingly received the same outcome without any effort.

The older sister's post received mixed opinions on the forum. Some users sympathised with her and agreed that the situation seemed unfair. However, others believed that her having saved to buy a house at 25 shouldn't be considered a disadvantage. A few even suggested that the situation might balance out in the long run, with roles reversed in another life event.

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One commenter wrote, 'Maybe they are planning to even things up somewhere along the line. Perhaps in their wills, although I can understand that may not feel like a fair solution either.'

Another user added, 'You are not being unreasonable, but could it be that they are thinking that you have a house so don't need one and maybe will leave the house they live in to you?'

But many more sided with the woman. One user stated, 'Your parents would be fools to do this. It is grossly unfair.'

Another wrote, 'Your parents should sell up and split the money between you and your sister. Your sister will have a good chunk of money for a deposit, and you can pay off a chunk of the mortgage.'

As these clashes of opinions continue to fill the discussion, it's evident that there's no one-size-fits-all answer to the debate. In the end, ensuring open communication within families and creating a plan that meets everyone's needs and expectations is essential.

Psychological Effects of Perceived Favouritism in Families​

Research indicates that the unequal distribution of familial wealth, resources, and attention can lead to long-term psychological effects among siblings. It can often have a powerful and enduring negative impact on the relationship between siblings and parents. An imbalance in the allocation of familial resources can contribute to feelings of anger, resentment, jealousy, and inadequacy in the sibling who receives less attention, support, or tangible assets.

Perceived favouritism among siblings can also lead to animosity and tension between those siblings. Families who have unequal distribution of resources between siblings can see a decline in family cohesion and an increase in emotional distress and communication problems for family members. It has been suggested that the experience of perceived favouritism among siblings can also interfere with the ability of affected individuals to form satisfactory relationships with others outside of the family.

If the family in this article does decide to distribute their resources in an unequal manner, these long-term psychological effects are something that they and their family members should be aware of.

Key Takeaways

• An anonymous woman sparked an online debate after expressing anger that her parents gifted a house to her sister, despite not offering her a house when she was getting on the property ladder.
• The woman posted on a British forum, Mumsnet, explaining that she had saved and worked hard to buy her house at 25, while her sister is set to be given a home at the age of 20.
• The post received mixed opinions, with many agreeing that the situation is unfair, while others suggested the situation may balance out over time.
• Some responses supported the woman's frustration and encouraged her to discuss the matter with her parents, while others urged her not to feel overshadowed by her sister's good fortune.

For all our seniors with adult children, remember that life isn't always fair, but it's essential to find a balance that works for the individual family. Treat these situations as opportunities for teaching moments and healthy discussions, helping your children understand that life is a series of growth and compromises.

How do you approach finding balance within your own family when faced with challenging situations? Share your insights and experiences on navigating life's inevitable ups and downs and how you foster growth and understanding within your family dynamics.

We wish both these sisters and their parents the best of luck in resolving this issue and hope that the family can find a solution that brings them closer rather than driving them apart.

 

[Gezzabel]

Legally, she can’t have it. Both siblings are entitled to half. The courts would see it that way, as it’s unfair. If contested, she would get half. True.

 

[laima]

You can't contest a gift, only a will

 

[Gezzabel]

The only thing that these stupid parents have done, is ensure the 2 siblings never speak again, and rip family apart. Now left the expense of legal action as well. What idiots!

 

[DLHM]

On the surface, it appears to be very unfair to the older sister. The story seems quite one-sided and makes me wonder if there’s more to it that hasn’t been told.

 

[MariaG]

I wonder if she actually asked her parents the question why?
A bit of calm discussion can go a long way.
In the end, sell and split the money between the 2 is a much friendlier and fair proposition.
Also, I think 20 years old is too young to be told, here take this, now you don't need to work, save and do the hard work for yourself.
Mind you, it could be turned around by talking to the parents and suggesting they leave the family home to her seeing that little sister got the other one. Hmmmm .... I wonder how long it would take for the fur to fly when that happens.

 

[SGH]

I agree with Gezzabel there is a huge wall being placed between these girls and I talk from experience. My mother loaned me money for my first house, however, there were quite a few conditions that were placed on this loan. The house had to be in the same district as my parents place. She had to agree on the house that my ex-husband and I were being shown by the real estate. The whole business was happening for her to keep me under her control, and her grandchildren close by, I had to hand over my passbook account from which she withdrew the repayments from my wages.
My sister who is five years younger and being the baby of the family, had always gotten everything that she ever wanted, including presents on my birthday (really this is this not the absolute height of being a spoilt brat). Thirty years on, after having her $20,000 wedding and remaining married for one year, Mother lent her money, twice and actually wrote it down, why because she was thinking this would be my inheritance and my sister would pay it back.
Was never going to happen, she declared to the solicitor it was a gift. The one thing she was not aware of was that the will had been changed to be split evenly three ways, so where she thought she was screwing me, she was doing it to our brother also. This type of thing literally pulls families apart, and if it is not down in writing somewhere, it only makes matters worse.

 

[MariaG]

I wasn't going to share, however, I feel for SGH.
My mother in law left everything to her youngest son's wife for a couple of reasons.
One was that the youngest son was spoiled rotten and he figured this was a way to stop the other siblings from contesting the will.
The other reason was that she didn't like me and my other 2 sisters in law. Plain and simple, she was not a nice lady.
I was cranky for him and asked why he didn't raise a storm. After all, it was he who actually procured the house for them, free and clear.
Hubby said, he didn't need money. He was glad to do what he did for his parents and at his age found it easier to just walk away.
As far as baby brother and his wife, they have snubbed him ever since. No loss there as far as I'm concerned.
When it comes to money, you get to see the true nature of people. All I can say is , Karma's a bitch.

 

[SGH]

I wasn't going to share, however, I feel for SGH.
My mother in law left everything to her youngest son's wife for a couple of reasons.
One was that the youngest son was spoiled rotten and he figured this was a way to stop the other siblings from contesting the will.
The other reason was that she didn't like me and my other 2 sisters in law. Plain and simple, she was not a nice lady.
I was cranky for him and asked why he didn't raise a storm. After all, it was he who actually procured the house for them, free and clear.
Hubby said, he didn't need money. He was glad to do what he did for his parents and at his age found it easier to just walk away.
As far as baby brother and his wife, they have snubbed him ever since. No loss there as far as I'm concerned.
When it comes to money, you get to see the true nature of people. All I can say is , Karma's a bitch.

I feel for you too, and you are right karma is a bitch. I repaid every cent for that house in Sydney, organised my mothers, and my brothers funerals. The only people I know in Sydney now are my old neighbours, whose son bought my house from me, one of my oldest friends who lives in North Rocks and our dog sitter who now lives with his daughter. My godmother still lives on the central coast and couldn't understand why I hadn't tried to get in touch with my sister, I showed her all the text messages and then she actually apologised to me.
I always remember the saying, "You can't choose your family". However, you can be very selective about your friends.

 

[Cyberchook]

The parents are still alive! Ask them I am so glad to have one child at times like this, as there is always some sibling rivalry especially with Wills, and one person always has to contest or complain. Contesting 'average' Estate Wills usually only pads the Lawyer's pockets well drawn out and emotionally charged, usually creates permanent angst and what is left to inherit is naturally then much less than if not contested!

 

[SGH]

You know they are always going to have a favourite child, I don't care what anyone says it will always be there that one child out shines another. My parents also lent my eldest brother the money to buy his first house when he was getting married, the marriage was called off and my parents had to get his insurance money from her after he passed away. Listen shit happens, that's life!
We can wallow in or move on, but there is always someone who will take advantage of it. Getting back to the original entry, I don't believe the parents decided on their own that their younger daughter should have a house, rather, the daughter was on their backs about how she should have a house. Trust me, I put up with a manipulative younger sister.

 

[KSS]

I can't believe the entitlement being expressed here. It is disgusting. The parents in the story have amassed THEIR property assets and it is theirs to do with what they will regardless of what anyone else thinks. Children have no right to expect anything from their parents once they are fully functioning adults (it's different in the case of severely disabled kids who will be forever reliant on their parents). The parents could just as easily leave everything to the church or the local cats' home if they chose. The only thing that can be said is that death and the subsequent will reading inevitably bring out the worst in people whose only motivation is self-interest.

 

[Catherines]

You can't contest a gift, only a will

Absolutely accurate. Gifts - no, Wills - yes

 

[Catherines]

The parents are still alive! Ask them I am so glad to have one child at times like this, as there is always some sibling rivalry especially with Wills, and one person always has to contest or complain. Contesting 'average' Estate Wills usually only pads the Lawyer's pockets well drawn out and emotionally charged, usually creates permanent angst and what is left to inherit is naturally then much less than if not contested!

Wills can also be contested by relatives further down the line in a specific order, but I guess that contesting will depend on how much and what a relative has done or provided to the beneficiary in life. Yes, contesting by anyone does cost money, something the one contesting has to consider if they lose. And the lawyers gain in the end.