[Skipton]

One Liners​

• My doctor asked if anyone in my family suffered from mental illness.
• I said, "No, we all seem to enjoy it."
• I thought the dryer made my clothes shrink. Turns out it was the refrigerator.
• I thought growing old would take longer.
• My bucket list: keep breathing.
• Camping: where you spend a small fortune to live like a homeless person.
• Just once, I want a username & password prompt to say: "close enough."
• Being an adult is the dumbest thing I have ever done.
• I'm a multi-tasker. I can listen, ignore, & forget all at the same time!
• At my funeral, take the bouquet from my coffin & toss it into the crowd to see who is next!!
• Retirement to do list: Wake up. Nailed it!
• Went to an antique show-people were bidding on me.
• People who wonder if the glass is half empty or half full miss the point. The glass is refillable.
• Retired - Under new management. See spouse for details.
• When you can't find the sunshine ... be the sunshine.
• I don't have grey hair. I have wisdom highlights.
• Sometimes it takes me all day to get nothing done.
• I don't fall - I do random gravity checks.
• My heart says "chocolate & wine" but my jeans say, "please, eat a salad!"
• Never laugh at your spouse's choices. You're one of them.
• One minute you're young & fun. The next, you're turning down the car stereo to see better.
• I'd grow my own food if I could find bacon seeds.
• Losing weight isn't working for me, so from now I'm concentrating on getting taller.
• Some people are like clouds - once they disappear it's a beautiful day.
• Some people you're glad to see coming, some you're glad to see leaving.
• My body is a temple - ancient & crumbling.
• Common sense is not a gift. It's a punishment because you have to deal with everyone who doesn't have it.
• I came. I saw. I forgot. Retraced my steps. Got lost on the way back. Now I have no idea what's going on.