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Notable Quotes
Venison's dear, isn't it?
The cross-eyed dog? He kept barking up the wrong tree.
Half the people you know are below average.
Dyslexic bloke walks into a bra...
The dyslexic protest march to the Dail in Dublin ended in chaos when they all arrived at Aldi.
Six out of seven dwarves aren't happy
What do you call a confused Chinese man? Hu Yu
What do you call a Chinese man that was arrested by mistake? Won Gai
Taxidermist: A man who mounts animals.
Velcro. What a rip off!!
The wise never marry, and when they marry they become otherwise.
Do they get virgin wool from Ugly sheep?
The leper lost the poker game when he threw in his hand.
I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
When women enter middle age, it gives men a pause.
Curiosity Killed the Cat: that's the dog's story, and he's sticking to it
If you think 7 years bad luck for breaking a mirror is too much try, breaking a condom!
Bought some 'rocket salad' yesterday but it went off before I could eat it!
EXIT signs, they're on the way out aren't they!!
Vagina jokes aren't funny. Period.
Outside of dogs, books are a man’s best friends. Inside of dogs it is too dark to read.
I was going to make a joke about my wife's cooking. Then I realised it was in bad taste.
My wife has a Black Belt in cookery. She could kill you with a single chop.
If you shot a mime artist - would you use a silencer?
Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let her sleep.
Gynaecologist: A spreader of old wives' tails.
Canopy: A urine specimen.
Einstein developed a theory about space. It was about time too.
An innuendo is an Italian suppository.
Television educates the masses, which doesn’t say much for their intelligence.
Confucius said, “Man with hole in pocket feels cocky all day.”
Newton invented gravity, thus making picking apples much easier.
Jesus converted water into wine, which goes to show that even for him water was not a suitable drink.
Where did I put my coat!