[Gsr]

Mum in the kitchen​

Every house I lived in growing up had a wood stove in the kitchen, with a firebox on one side, an oven next to the firebox and hot plates on the top. Mum would light the fire every morning and cook all our meals on it.

As we got older we took turns cutting the firewood, chips to help start the fire and bigger pieces for keeping it going. Newspaper was put under the chips to get it going using a box of matches, and occasionally a drop or two of kerosene. Hence why mum or dad were the only ones to start the fire. The firebox was stoked throughout the day and extra wood added, in winter mum tried to keep the fire going all night as it warmed the house.

Most of our houses had no electricity, even when we did we still used the stove all winter. One house we were in had a big open fire at one end of the kitchen, all the surrounds were tin. Not one of us 10 kids ever suffered a serious burn growing up with open fires and wood stoves.

We washed up in a dish, had a kerosene fridge, lanterns and a main light with a mesh like pump up bulb that lit up. I ironed with heavy irons we heated on the stove, then graduated to a Shellite iron that we lit at the back and the base contained Shellite that heated slowly and ironed the clothes. I still have some old oil lamps with wicks that I light sometimes when the grandkids are here, they are fascinated by them.

Life was so much slower and simpler back then, but boy did we all work hard at making it happen.

 

[Jarred Santos]

Mum in the kitchen​

Every house I lived in growing up had a wood stove in the kitchen, with a firebox on one side, an oven next to the firebox and hot plates on the top. Mum would light the fire every morning and cook all our meals on it.

As we got older we took turns cutting the firewood, chips to help start the fire and bigger pieces for keeping it going. Newspaper was put under the chips to get it going using a box of matches, and occasionally a drop or two of kerosene. Hence why mum or dad were the only ones to start the fire. The firebox was stoked throughout the day and extra wood added, in winter mum tried to keep the fire going all night as it warmed the house.

Most of our houses had no electricity, even when we did we still used the stove all winter. One house we were in had a big open fire at one end of the kitchen, all the surrounds were tin. Not one of us 10 kids ever suffered a serious burn growing up with open fires and wood stoves.

We washed up in a dish, had a kerosene fridge, lanterns and a main light with a mesh like pump up bulb that lit up. I ironed with heavy irons we heated on the stove, then graduated to a Shellite iron that we lit at the back and the base contained Shellite that heated slowly and ironed the clothes. I still have some old oil lamps with wicks that I light sometimes when the grandkids are here, they are fascinated by them.

Life was so much slower and simpler back then, but boy did we all work hard at making it happen.

Thank you so much for this, @Gsr. What great writing! Reading this made me feel like I was reminiscing with you, like I was also there.

Do you have a memory of those days that you treasure the most?

 

[Gsr]

Thank you so much for this, @Gsr. What great writing! Reading this made me feel like I was reminiscing with you, like I was also there.

Do you have a memory of those days that you treasure the most?

My favourite memories are of sitting up at night just mum and me, dad worked away all week. I would help mum sew, mend, knit, darn socks, all by hand. Being the second eldest of ten I helped with settling younger siblings to sleep, looking after the baby, anything I could help with I did. I grew up trying to ease mums workload by doing washing, cooking, cleaning from a young age, it was never a burden, I loved helping mum. Special memories of all the nights I sat with her at night doing those jobs or just reading til we both went to bed. If mum was sick she would ask me to stay home from school and look after her and younger siblings, including the baby. Later in her life when she was ill with cancer I spent many nights sitting by her side holding her hand, reading to her, reminiscing, comforting her, laughing with her, sometimes. The memories of the times I spent with my precious mum will always hold a special place in my heart that time has never faded.

 

[Jarred Santos]

My favourite memories are of sitting up at night just mum and me, dad worked away all week. I would help mum sew, mend, knit, darn socks, all by hand. Being the second eldest of ten I helped with settling younger siblings to sleep, looking after the baby, anything I could help with I did. I grew up trying to ease mums workload by doing washing, cooking, cleaning from a young age, it was never a burden, I loved helping mum. Special memories of all the nights I sat with her at night doing those jobs or just reading til we both went to bed. If mum was sick she would ask me to stay home from school and look after her and younger siblings, including the baby. Later in her life when she was ill with cancer I spent many nights sitting by her side holding her hand, reading to her, reminiscing, comforting her, laughing with her, sometimes. The memories of the times I spent with my precious mum will always hold a special place in my heart that time has never faded.

Ah, you sound like a child and sibling anyone would be lucky to have! Sewing, cooking, washing... all those are vital life skills too. That being said, what was it like growing up with nine siblings?

 

[Gsr]

Ah, you sound like a child and sibling anyone would be lucky to have! Sewing, cooking, washing... all those are vital life skills too. That being said, what was it like growing up with nine siblings?

Growing up with nine siblings was both great and hard. We had a lot of fun times even though we were very poor.

We made our own fun, built cubbies, made mud pies, swam in dams, climbed trees, played cowboys and Indians, so many games with whatever we could find such as sticks for guns etc.,we never had many bought toys.

We grew most of our food using water from our well. We had to be very careful of water usage having only one tank on our house. No inside plumbing, we had to go out to the tank to get water for everything. We had chooks for eggs and meat, dad cut their heads off and we kids had to pluck and clean them, it was an awful job, but if we didn’t do it we didn’t eat.

Just a wireless for entertainment, later when a neighbour got a TV we would once a week join other neighbours to visit and watch it. It was rented and everyone had to contribute to the cost for the night. It had a slot for two shilling pieces to keep it going, I can’t remember how long each coin lasted.

Outside dunny, was very scary as a kid having to go to the dunny in the dark as it was out the back well away from the house. But it was such a great way to grow up and all us siblings have remained close.

We lost our twenty year old brother in a car accident, that was a very traumatic time, our older sister passed away from cancer in her early fifties, so now I am the oldest of the eight surviving.

I am the one they come to for advice, I encourage them all to stay close, to try and only see the good in everyone, and every Christmas we still have a big family get together which can have up to sixty people present when all our children and grandchildren are able to come.

I’m the only one who still cooks mums Christmas pudding recipe in a cloth, everyone gets one at Christmas.

I feel I am very lucky to have lived the life I have and to still have such great love and friendship with all my siblings and extended family.

 

[Jarred Santos]

Growing up with nine siblings was both great and hard. We had a lot of fun times even though we were very poor.

We made our own fun, built cubbies, made mud pies, swam in dams, climbed trees, played cowboys and Indians, so many games with whatever we could find such as sticks for guns etc.,we never had many bought toys.

We grew most of our food using water from our well. We had to be very careful of water usage having only one tank on our house. No inside plumbing, we had to go out to the tank to get water for everything. We had chooks for eggs and meat, dad cut their heads off and we kids had to pluck and clean them, it was an awful job, but if we didn’t do it we didn’t eat.

Just a wireless for entertainment, later when a neighbour got a TV we would once a week join other neighbours to visit and watch it. It was rented and everyone had to contribute to the cost for the night. It had a slot for two shilling pieces to keep it going, I can’t remember how long each coin lasted.

Outside dunny, was very scary as a kid having to go to the dunny in the dark as it was out the back well away from the house. But it was such a great way to grow up and all us siblings have remained close.

We lost our twenty year old brother in a car accident, that was a very traumatic time, our older sister passed away from cancer in her early fifties, so now I am the oldest of the eight surviving.

I am the one they come to for advice, I encourage them all to stay close, to try and only see the good in everyone, and every Christmas we still have a big family get together which can have up to sixty people present when all our children and grandchildren are able to come.

I’m the only one who still cooks mums Christmas pudding recipe in a cloth, everyone gets one at Christmas.

I feel I am very lucky to have lived the life I have and to still have such great love and friendship with all my siblings and extended family.

And I feel lucky to have read this reply! You sure have a way with words and telling a story, @Gsr. I love how you keep your family close in words and deeds, especially with keeping your mum's memory alive through cooking her Christmas pudding recipe. How thoughtful!

Surely, over the years, more than a few disagreements have sprung up among your siblings. How do you manage to keep everyone in place (for the lack of a better term, sorry) without it seeming like you favour one or the other?

 

[Gsr]

And I feel lucky to have read this reply! You sure have a way with words and telling a story, @Gsr. I love how you keep your family close in words and deeds, especially with keeping your mum's memory alive through cooking her Christmas pudding recipe. How thoughtful!

Surely, over the years, more than a few disagreements have sprung up among your siblings. How do you manage to keep everyone in place (for the lack of a better term, sorry) without it seeming like you favour one or the other?

Yes there have been disagreements, we all had the usual childhood fights amongst ourselves, mum always made us say sorry and hug each other before we went to bed if we had been fighting. As adults we all try to get along with each other, we don’t live in each other’s pockets which helps. We keep in contact by sms or phone calls, we have a get together for special birthdays and our big get together at Christmas every year. We live by the motto that life is too short to waste any of it by being angry with each other so disagreements are aired and sorted out between whoever is involved. As a family we don’t allow bad feelings at our family gatherings, we make a point of everyone giving hugs to each other, especially us older generation as we never know when it might be the last time we get to hug each other. Maybe it helps that we always had to rely on each other as kids, we were often treated unkindly by other kids as we were really poor and didn’t have what they had, even back then bullying was around.

 

[Jarred Santos]

Yes there have been disagreements, we all had the usual childhood fights amongst ourselves, mum always made us say sorry and hug each other before we went to bed if we had been fighting. As adults we all try to get along with each other, we don’t live in each other’s pockets which helps. We keep in contact by sms or phone calls, we have a get together for special birthdays and our big get together at Christmas every year. We live by the motto that life is too short to waste any of it by being angry with each other so disagreements are aired and sorted out between whoever is involved. As a family we don’t allow bad feelings at our family gatherings, we make a point of everyone giving hugs to each other, especially us older generation as we never know when it might be the last time we get to hug each other. Maybe it helps that we always had to rely on each other as kids, we were often treated unkindly by other kids as we were really poor and didn’t have what they had, even back then bullying was around.

'[W]e make a point of everyone giving hugs to each other, especially us older generation as we never know when it might be the last time we get to hug each other.'

This struck home so hard you might as well have been reading my innermost thoughts. My Dad and I have never been particularly close, but these past years I've always made it a point to hug him when I'm about to leave or when I return and visit him because I never want to tell myself years in the future that I never embraced my own father.

How about estranged family members, if there are any (and if it isn't prying too much) --- how do you deal with them?

 

[Gsr]

Yes, one sister was estranged from two other sisters over a Facebook post she made years ago, and a sister and her family were estranged from another sister and her family when the wife of one son ran off with the other son, but over the years time has mellowed these issues. Even when they were fresh and causing friction they were always civil to each other at family gatherings as that is our unwritten rule, if anyone has a problem where they cannot be civil to another family member they are expected not to attend our gatherings until they can be civil. We have never had an issue over this. We have let it be known that if anyone attends our gatherings and acts in any manner not acceptable they will be asked to leave. These rules were put in place when our parents were alive and we still adhere to them. It was our mothers dearest wish that we continued our gatherings and to date we have. My generation and my children’s generation put great effort into carrying on this tradition, I’m not sure if the next generation coming up will keep it up as they get older but we all hope they do. Life is so much different now to when we grew up and younger generations don’t place the same values on maintaining family ties as we do.

 

[Jarred Santos]

Yes, one sister was estranged from two other sisters over a Facebook post she made years ago, and a sister and her family were estranged from another sister and her family when the wife of one son ran off with the other son, but over the years time has mellowed these issues. Even when they were fresh and causing friction they were always civil to each other at family gatherings as that is our unwritten rule, if anyone has a problem where they cannot be civil to another family member they are expected not to attend our gatherings until they can be civil. We have never had an issue over this. We have let it be known that if anyone attends our gatherings and acts in any manner not acceptable they will be asked to leave. These rules were put in place when our parents were alive and we still adhere to them. It was our mothers dearest wish that we continued our gatherings and to date we have. My generation and my children’s generation put great effort into carrying on this tradition, I’m not sure if the next generation coming up will keep it up as they get older but we all hope they do. Life is so much different now to when we grew up and younger generations don’t place the same values on maintaining family ties as we do.

I'm glad these conflicts have simmered down somewhat, @Gsr. I think that's not an uncommon concern about today's youth. What reminder would you have for young ones today about the value of family?

 

[Gsr]

I'm glad these conflicts have simmered down somewhat, @Gsr. I think that's not an uncommon concern about today's youth. What reminder would you have for young ones today about the value of family?

The value of family, maintaining family contacts means there is usually always someone constant in your life, they are there for you no matter what, happy times, sad times, times when you just need a shoulder to lean on. Friends are great to have but as people move through their different life stages often friends come and go. There are some things that you may not want to share with friends, no matter how close the friendship. I find that there is always one or more family members you can always share anything with, it may depend on what you want to share who you share it with, and I guess if you have a smaller family than I’m lucky enough to have there won’t be as many family members to lean on. There are so many ways to keep in touch with family now that even with huge distances between members it is always possible to maintain family contacts and values.

 

[Jarred Santos]

The value of family, maintaining family contacts means there is usually always someone constant in your life, they are there for you no matter what, happy times, sad times, times when you just need a shoulder to lean on. Friends are great to have but as people move through their different life stages often friends come and go. There are some things that you may not want to share with friends, no matter how close the friendship. I find that there is always one or more family members you can always share anything with, it may depend on what you want to share who you share it with, and I guess if you have a smaller family than I’m lucky enough to have there won’t be as many family members to lean on. There are so many ways to keep in touch with family now that even with huge distances between members it is always possible to maintain family contacts and values.

Gem upon gem from you, @Gsr! I must confess I asked partly because sometimes I feel like I'm not giving my family enough time, and your response is feels like it's what someone needs to tell me and what I need to hear.

I'm also slowly realising that what you said is so true: 'Friends are great to have but as people move through their different life stages often friends come and go. ' Many of mine are starting to form their own families or pursue their careers in ways that take us all away from each others' lives, and I can't help but feel... I don't know --- sad? But the sadness is mixed with feelings of love and support in the sense that no matter where they go, they will always have a friend in me.

How about you? How have you dealt with having great friends slowly becoming strangers over time?

 

[Gsr]

Gem upon gem from you, @Gsr! I must confess I asked partly because sometimes I feel like I'm not giving my family enough time, and your response is feels like it's what someone needs to tell me and what I need to hear.

I'm also slowly realising that what you said is so true: 'Friends are great to have but as people move through their different life stages often friends come and go. ' Many of mine are starting to form their own families or pursue their careers in ways that take us all away from each others' lives, and I can't help but feel... I don't know --- sad? But the sadness is mixed with feelings of love and support in the sense that no matter where they go, they will always have a friend in me.

How about you? How have you dealt with having great friends slowly becoming strangers over time?

Whilst I made a couple of good friends in primary school once the small country school I attended closed when I was starting sixth class and I had to go into town to school I found no one wanted to be friends with me. They already had their groups and did not want an outsider joining in. Only one friend from my country school was in the same class as me and she went to a different school after it closed. We moved to a completely different area after three months and once again I attended a country school. The same thing happened, myself and my siblings were not made welcome by other kids as we were poor and didn’t have much, we had to wear thongs to school as we had no other shoes. When I went to high school I was made fun of for wearing glasses and having freckles, so didn’t make any close friends there. I loved school so I concentrated on doing well and tried to ignore the bullying and harassment. After finishing school I went nursing, I really wanted to be a teacher, but again being poor my parents couldn’t afford to keep me at school so I left after fourth form, todays year ten. I worked in a clothing factory for twelve months until I was old enough to go nursing. I made friends once I started work, it was much easier out of school. I made a really special friend when I started nursing, we are still friends today. She set me up on a blind date with my now husband and was a bridesmaid at our wedding. In every job I have had, from nursing, motel receptionist, to now retail I have made many friends. Most have come and gone as I have changed jobs and moved house. I now have several good friends that I work with who are around my age, we don’t socialise a lot outside of work as we all have busy family lives. My very best ever friend from my nursing days and I keep in touch and try to meet up at least once a year, we live in different towns so it is becoming more difficult as we get older. I have always been lucky that my siblings and I are also great friends and have always been there for each other, especially when we were young and were bullied and harassed at school, in our country primary schools. Once we went to high school we found it harder as we were not always able to be there for each other. That said, some of my younger siblings made good friends at high school, unfortunately for me I changed schools at an age where girls were becoming teenagers and already had their clicky groups of friends and newcomers were neither allowed, wanted or accepted. People can be so thoughtless and selfish, it probably still goes on and causes so many mental health issues for people who are ostracised for no reason other than “ because we can” attitudes. Lucky for me I never let any of my bad experiences get me down, I have always had a positive outlook on life and I always made it my goal to be a better person than the people who bullied and harassed me.

Gem upon gem from you, @Gsr! I must confess I asked partly because sometimes I feel like I'm not giving my family enough time, and your response is feels like it's what someone needs to tell me and what I need to hear.

I'm also slowly realising that what you said is so true: 'Friends are great to have but as people move through their different life stages often friends come and go. ' Many of mine are starting to form their own families or pursue their careers in ways that take us all away from each others' lives, and I can't help but feel... I don't know --- sad? But the sadness is mixed with feelings of love and support in the sense that no matter where they go, they will always have a friend in me.

How about you? How have you dealt with having great friends slowly becoming strangers over time?

 

[Jarred Santos]

Whilst I made a couple of good friends in primary school once the small country school I attended closed when I was starting sixth class and I had to go into town to school I found no one wanted to be friends with me. They already had their groups and did not want an outsider joining in. Only one friend from my country school was in the same class as me and she went to a different school after it closed. We moved to a completely different area after three months and once again I attended a country school. The same thing happened, myself and my siblings were not made welcome by other kids as we were poor and didn’t have much, we had to wear thongs to school as we had no other shoes. When I went to high school I was made fun of for wearing glasses and having freckles, so didn’t make any close friends there. I loved school so I concentrated on doing well and tried to ignore the bullying and harassment. After finishing school I went nursing, I really wanted to be a teacher, but again being poor my parents couldn’t afford to keep me at school so I left after fourth form, todays year ten. I worked in a clothing factory for twelve months until I was old enough to go nursing. I made friends once I started work, it was much easier out of school. I made a really special friend when I started nursing, we are still friends today. She set me up on a blind date with my now husband and was a bridesmaid at our wedding. In every job I have had, from nursing, motel receptionist, to now retail I have made many friends. Most have come and gone as I have changed jobs and moved house. I now have several good friends that I work with who are around my age, we don’t socialise a lot outside of work as we all have busy family lives. My very best ever friend from my nursing days and I keep in touch and try to meet up at least once a year, we live in different towns so it is becoming more difficult as we get older. I have always been lucky that my siblings and I are also great friends and have always been there for each other, especially when we were young and were bullied and harassed at school, in our country primary schools. Once we went to high school we found it harder as we were not always able to be there for each other. That said, some of my younger siblings made good friends at high school, unfortunately for me I changed schools at an age where girls were becoming teenagers and already had their clicky groups of friends and newcomers were neither allowed, wanted or accepted. People can be so thoughtless and selfish, it probably still goes on and causes so many mental health issues for people who are ostracised for no reason other than “ because we can” attitudes. Lucky for me I never let any of my bad experiences get me down, I have always had a positive outlook on life and I always made it my goal to be a better person than the people who bullied and harassed me.

Your friend from nursing school definitely sounds like a keeper, @Gsr! You made an amazing point with the bullies and their 'because we can attitudes'. If they all got over themselves, the world would be better by leaps and bounds!

I also love that you turned your pain into a reason to become better, instead of using it as fuel to be spiteful (I wouldn't blame you if you ever did, we're all human after all).