[Skipton]

More One Liners!​

▪My tolerance for idiots is extremely low today. I used to have some immunity built up, but obviously there is a new strain out there.
▪ As I watch this generation try and rewrite our history, one thing I'm sure of ... it will be misspelled and have no punctuation.
▪ Me: Sobbing my heart out, "I can't see you anymore ... I'm not going to let you hurt me again.”Trainer: "It was one sit-up. ”
▪ Sorry I haven't gotten anything done today. I've been in the Produce Department trying to open this stupid plastic bag.
▪ Turns out that being a “senior" is mostly just googling how to do stuff.
▪ Do you ever get up in the morning, look in the mirror and think "That can't be accurate."
▪ I want to be 14 again and ruin my life differently. I have new ideas.
▪ Teacher: Give me a sentence which includes the words: defense, defeat, detail. Student: When a horse jumps over defense, defeat go first and then detail.
▪ God promised men that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the world. Then he made the earth round...and laughed and laughed and laughed.
▪ I'm on two diets. I wasn't getting enough food on one.
▪ Apparently RSVPing to a wedding invitation "Maybe next time," isn't the correct response.
▪ I put my scale in the bathroom corner and that's where the little liar will stay until it apologizes.
▪ Felt uncomfortable driving into the cemetery. The GPS blurted out "You have reached your final destination."
▪ My mind is like an internet browser. At least 19 open tabs, 3 of them are frozen and I have no clue where the music is coming from.
▪ Hard to believe I once had a phone attached to a wall, and when it rang, I picked it up without knowing who was calling, and I'm still alive.