Is it ever okay to name your child after a friend’s stillborn baby?
- Replies 7
When a Redditor’s wife found out they were expecting, the couple were overjoyed. Even more excitingly, they soon discovered that their closest friends, who were also expecting, had independently chosen the same name for their unborn son.
Both couples had decided to name their sons ‘Jacob’, but they agreed that one couple would nickname their 'Jacob', 'Jake', and the other would nickname there's 'Jack'. But tragedy struck when their friends' son was stillborn.
The OP thinks that keeping the same name is inappropriate. Image Credit: Shuttershock
Now, the original poster’s (OP) wife wants to keep the name 'Jacob' and even call their son 'Jack', instead of the originally planned nickname 'Jake', in honour of still born baby Jacob or 'Jack'.
But the OP doesn't think it's appropriate and says it would be in poor taste. They say their wife is being shortsighted and self-centered and that their baby could never be a replacement for their friends' stillborn son.
Others argue that it's not just the name that will be difficult for their friends to deal with, but being around babies in general. They reinforced this stand by saying the user’s wife is being insensitive and that they should choose an entirely different name, or at least compromise by sticking with the original plan of naming their son ‘Jake’...
“If your wife decides to nickname your baby Jack after Tim and Tessas stillborn, she can consider that friendship over."
"How horribly shortsighted and self-centred of her. Your baby is NOT a replacement for theirs and they will not see it “as an honour”. Your baby “Jack” would have been about the same age as their baby, it would be nothing but a torturous reminder of what could have been."
"It’s one thing to keep the original name Jacob, but to switch your baby’s nickname from Jake to Jack is cruel and your wife is deliberately being obtuse if she can’t see that”, said one Redditor.
“I think it's crazy that someone would name their child after someone else's dead child (even just the nickname) without asking the parents!” another user added.
Some say that the OP is being unreasonable and that their wife is just trying to bond with their unborn son.
"YTA (You’re the a-hole). It's tragic that they lost their baby, but you pointed out that it's a common name where you live. Are they going to be upset every single time they encounter a child with that name? Also, your wife's wishes should come before theirs,", said one.
“So you are willing to end your relationship by breaking an agreement you made with your wife, and faulting her for not accepting that?"
"YOU are the AH here. So these two friends are more important to you than your own marriage and your own family - She is better off without you”, echoed another.
Several users expressed varying opinions about the couple's dilemma. Image Credit: Shuttershock
Others said that both the OP and his wife were being difficult, but for different reasons.
"ESH (Everybody sucks here).
Your wife sees this baby as Jake. Not just "the baby" or whatever. She's bonded with him as Jake. YTA for not recognizing that.
Your wife sucks for wanting to use the nickname your friends chose for their baby. That's mean."
On the other hand, some people think that neither the OP nor his wife is being unreasonable in this case, saying that their friends would have countless reminders of what could have been either way.
"Being around babies, in general, will be gut-wrenching for them. Talking about babies, seeing babies, etc. They won't be able to escape it - in their minds babies will be everywhere. You are unfortunately going to be a constant reminder to them once your son is born. You can't change that, and you can't not be happy about having your first child. They will likely keep their distance from you for a while and that's okay. They have a lot to work through, and your son will just be a reminder of their tragedy. I think if you name the baby Jacob but call him Jake that'd be a good compromise. If you can get your wife to reconsider and maybe make Jacob the middle name, even better. Neither of you is the AH."
What do you think? Should the user’s wife name their son Jacob? Or is that in poor taste? Were both of them being unreasonable? Or are both of them coming from reasonable directions? Let us know in the comments.
Both couples had decided to name their sons ‘Jacob’, but they agreed that one couple would nickname their 'Jacob', 'Jake', and the other would nickname there's 'Jack'. But tragedy struck when their friends' son was stillborn.
The OP thinks that keeping the same name is inappropriate. Image Credit: Shuttershock
Now, the original poster’s (OP) wife wants to keep the name 'Jacob' and even call their son 'Jack', instead of the originally planned nickname 'Jake', in honour of still born baby Jacob or 'Jack'.
But the OP doesn't think it's appropriate and says it would be in poor taste. They say their wife is being shortsighted and self-centered and that their baby could never be a replacement for their friends' stillborn son.
Others argue that it's not just the name that will be difficult for their friends to deal with, but being around babies in general. They reinforced this stand by saying the user’s wife is being insensitive and that they should choose an entirely different name, or at least compromise by sticking with the original plan of naming their son ‘Jake’...
“If your wife decides to nickname your baby Jack after Tim and Tessas stillborn, she can consider that friendship over."
"How horribly shortsighted and self-centred of her. Your baby is NOT a replacement for theirs and they will not see it “as an honour”. Your baby “Jack” would have been about the same age as their baby, it would be nothing but a torturous reminder of what could have been."
"It’s one thing to keep the original name Jacob, but to switch your baby’s nickname from Jake to Jack is cruel and your wife is deliberately being obtuse if she can’t see that”, said one Redditor.
“I think it's crazy that someone would name their child after someone else's dead child (even just the nickname) without asking the parents!” another user added.
Some say that the OP is being unreasonable and that their wife is just trying to bond with their unborn son.
"YTA (You’re the a-hole). It's tragic that they lost their baby, but you pointed out that it's a common name where you live. Are they going to be upset every single time they encounter a child with that name? Also, your wife's wishes should come before theirs,", said one.
“So you are willing to end your relationship by breaking an agreement you made with your wife, and faulting her for not accepting that?"
"YOU are the AH here. So these two friends are more important to you than your own marriage and your own family - She is better off without you”, echoed another.
Several users expressed varying opinions about the couple's dilemma. Image Credit: Shuttershock
Others said that both the OP and his wife were being difficult, but for different reasons.
"ESH (Everybody sucks here).
Your wife sees this baby as Jake. Not just "the baby" or whatever. She's bonded with him as Jake. YTA for not recognizing that.
Your wife sucks for wanting to use the nickname your friends chose for their baby. That's mean."
On the other hand, some people think that neither the OP nor his wife is being unreasonable in this case, saying that their friends would have countless reminders of what could have been either way.
"Being around babies, in general, will be gut-wrenching for them. Talking about babies, seeing babies, etc. They won't be able to escape it - in their minds babies will be everywhere. You are unfortunately going to be a constant reminder to them once your son is born. You can't change that, and you can't not be happy about having your first child. They will likely keep their distance from you for a while and that's okay. They have a lot to work through, and your son will just be a reminder of their tragedy. I think if you name the baby Jacob but call him Jake that'd be a good compromise. If you can get your wife to reconsider and maybe make Jacob the middle name, even better. Neither of you is the AH."
What do you think? Should the user’s wife name their son Jacob? Or is that in poor taste? Were both of them being unreasonable? Or are both of them coming from reasonable directions? Let us know in the comments.
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