If you’ve ever made excuses for someone who hurt you, her story will feel familiar
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Content warning: This article discusses emotional abuse.
She gave up her job and moved across the world for love.
Now, she’s questioning everything about her partner—and the culture he claims excuses his cruelty.
Thousands of strangers are telling her to run.
An expat who relocated to Australia to be with her partner has been left shaken after sharing troubling details of their relationship online.
Posting anonymously to social media, the woman said she had moved in November, leaving behind her stable IT career and home country, to be with the man she’d dated long-distance.
They first met while he was living in her country.
Though she didn't want to break up, things quickly changed once she arrived Down Under.
Since settling in, she’s been subjected to degrading comments and outbursts during arguments.
‘When we argue or he's upset, he's said things like "shut the f*** up b****", "you don't have a fing job", and "you can't even f****** cook",’ she wrote.
She added that if she speaks in her native language during disagreements, he often tells her to ‘f*** off’.
The woman recalled a conversation about intimacy where he told her: ‘I'm a visual person’ and ‘our sex life is dead’—remarks that left her feeling self-conscious and insecure.
‘I’ve never said anything similar about him,’ she said.
English isn’t her first language, and she admitted she sometimes freezes during arguments because she doesn’t fully understand what’s being said.
Her partner allegedly brushed off his verbal attacks, claiming ‘Aussies swear a lot’ and ‘aren’t romantic’.
For a while, she accepted that explanation.
But after sharing her experience online, commenters were quick to tell her otherwise.
‘Nothing about this is normal,’ one wrote.
‘Australians can be forthright, but this is abusive language,’ said another.
‘Please be careful and make sure you have the means to safely leave if you need to.’
An Australian man echoed the sentiment, writing: ‘There's nothing unique about how respect is shown here. Your instincts are correct. I'm sorry to say this is not okay.’
The woman also said she felt isolated, with no nearby support system of her own and no job yet to give her independence.
‘This is my first time living overseas, and honestly, I feel like a little kid who always needs help,’ she wrote.
Though she initially wondered if his behaviour was just a reflection of how Aussies argue, she thanked commenters for their honesty.
‘I get it now. This is not normal at all.’
If you or someone you know is experiencing abuse, you can contact 1800RESPECT (1800 737 732) for confidential counselling and support 24/7.
If you've ever questioned whether something troubling was just 'cultural' or genuinely harmful, you're not alone.
Another expat shared her emotional experience navigating what she called a 'very Australia-specific issue'—one that left her feeling conflicted, confused, and isolated.
Her story adds another layer to the complex reality of moving countries for love, work, or a fresh start.
Read more: Expat opens up about 'very Australia-specific issue' online: 'Australia, I still love you'
When someone tries to normalise cruelty, it’s often a sign that it’s anything but.
She gave up her job and moved across the world for love.
Now, she’s questioning everything about her partner—and the culture he claims excuses his cruelty.
Thousands of strangers are telling her to run.
An expat who relocated to Australia to be with her partner has been left shaken after sharing troubling details of their relationship online.
Posting anonymously to social media, the woman said she had moved in November, leaving behind her stable IT career and home country, to be with the man she’d dated long-distance.
They first met while he was living in her country.
Moved for love, now questioning everything. Image source: Pexels/Photo By: Kaboompics.com
Disclaimer: This is a stock image used for illustrative purposes only and does not depict the actual person, item, or event described.
Disclaimer: This is a stock image used for illustrative purposes only and does not depict the actual person, item, or event described.
Though she didn't want to break up, things quickly changed once she arrived Down Under.
Since settling in, she’s been subjected to degrading comments and outbursts during arguments.
‘When we argue or he's upset, he's said things like "shut the f*** up b****", "you don't have a fing job", and "you can't even f****** cook",’ she wrote.
She added that if she speaks in her native language during disagreements, he often tells her to ‘f*** off’.
The woman recalled a conversation about intimacy where he told her: ‘I'm a visual person’ and ‘our sex life is dead’—remarks that left her feeling self-conscious and insecure.
‘I’ve never said anything similar about him,’ she said.
English isn’t her first language, and she admitted she sometimes freezes during arguments because she doesn’t fully understand what’s being said.
Her partner allegedly brushed off his verbal attacks, claiming ‘Aussies swear a lot’ and ‘aren’t romantic’.
For a while, she accepted that explanation.
But after sharing her experience online, commenters were quick to tell her otherwise.
‘Nothing about this is normal,’ one wrote.
‘Australians can be forthright, but this is abusive language,’ said another.
‘Please be careful and make sure you have the means to safely leave if you need to.’
An Australian man echoed the sentiment, writing: ‘There's nothing unique about how respect is shown here. Your instincts are correct. I'm sorry to say this is not okay.’
The woman also said she felt isolated, with no nearby support system of her own and no job yet to give her independence.
‘This is my first time living overseas, and honestly, I feel like a little kid who always needs help,’ she wrote.
Though she initially wondered if his behaviour was just a reflection of how Aussies argue, she thanked commenters for their honesty.
‘I get it now. This is not normal at all.’
If you or someone you know is experiencing abuse, you can contact 1800RESPECT (1800 737 732) for confidential counselling and support 24/7.
If you've ever questioned whether something troubling was just 'cultural' or genuinely harmful, you're not alone.
Another expat shared her emotional experience navigating what she called a 'very Australia-specific issue'—one that left her feeling conflicted, confused, and isolated.
Her story adds another layer to the complex reality of moving countries for love, work, or a fresh start.
Read more: Expat opens up about 'very Australia-specific issue' online: 'Australia, I still love you'
