[Observer]

I can't swim​

Dave walks into a bar and sees John sitting at the end of the bar counter with a great big smile on his face. Dave says "John what are you so happy for?"

"Well Dave, I gotta tell ya... Yesterday I was out waxing my boat, just waxing my boat, and a redhead came up to me... tits out to here, Dave, tits out to here! She says "Can I have a ride in your boat?" "I said 'Sure you can have a ride in my boat.' So I took her way out, Dave. I turned off the key and I said 'It's either screw or swim!' She couldn't swim, Dave, she couldn't swim!!."

The next day Dave walks into a bar and sees John sitting at the end of the bar counter with a bigger smile on his face. Dave says "What are you so happy about today John?"

"Well, Dave... I gotta tell ya... Yesterday I was out waxing my boat, just waxing my boat and a BEAUTIFUL blond came up to me... boobs out to here, Dave, boobs out to here! She said 'Can I have a ride in your boat?' "Sure you can have a ride in my boat." So I took her way out, Dave, way out much further than the last one. I turned off the key and I said 'It's either screw or swim!' She couldn't swim!!, Dave, she couldn't swim!!!!."

A couple days pass and Dave walks into a bar and sees John down there crying over a beer. Dave says "John, what are you so sad for?"

"Well Dave, I gotta tell ya.... Yesterday I was out waxing my boat, just waxing my boat, and the most desirable brunette came up to me... built like a brick shithouse, I had more wood than my boat does. She says "Can I have a ride in your boat?" "Sure you can have a ride in my boat.

"So I took her way out, Dave, way WAY out... much further than the last two. I turned off the key, and looked at her and said 'It's either screw or swim!!'. She pulled down her pants.... she had a weiner, Dave !!! She had a great BIG weiner!!! AND.........
Dave, I CAN'T SWIM!!!"