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Home is the Sailor
A sailor home from sea decides to treat his parrot to a trip to the pictures.
At the cinema, he asks for a ticket, but the girl said, " We don't allow parrots in here."
So he goes outside and slips the bird into his pants and then bought his ticket.
He sat down and unzipped his fly so the parrot could poke his head out and watch the film.
A woman sitting next to him looked over and was absolutely horrified.
She nudged her friend and said, "Susan, this man next to me has unzipped his pants!"
"Ignore him, Jane you've seen one, you've seen them all."
"I know that," says Jane, "But this one's EATING MY BLOODY POPCORN!"