Here's the shocking truth about loneliness affecting Australians of all ages

Feeling left out in your own community can be exhausting.

It can happen to anyone, at any stage of life.

For many Australians, breaking into established social circles feels almost impossible.

When UK expat Layla Subritzky spoke out about Australia's 'friendship gatekeeping' on social media, she struck a chord that resonated far beyond her own Gold Coast experience.

Her video about how difficult it was to form new friendships in Australia went viral, sparking a nationwide conversation about loneliness—a crisis affecting Australians of all generations, including seniors.

After 15 years in Australia, Layla still could not understand why friendship groups seemed so resistant to newcomers.

While Layla's story highlighted barriers for younger adults, research shows loneliness affects 46 per cent of Australian seniors, making it far from a young person's problem alone.

Studies have found that 28.5 per cent of people over 60 experience loneliness to some degree, with severity increasing as people age further.

For older adults in aged care, the situation is even more stark.

Moderate loneliness was estimated at 61 per cent and severe loneliness at 35 per cent.

Exclusive friendship circles

The phenomenon Layla described—friendship circles acting like exclusive clubs—appears to be a distinctly Australian cultural trait.

Social media users responding to her video coined the term 'no cross contamination' to describe how different groups rarely mix.

One commenter explained: 'It's so common to have multiple birthday parties for your different groups. Work friends, high school friends, uni mates... they never mix.'

Geography has shaped this culture.

Australia's vast distances and scattered communities have historically encouraged friendships based on shared history rather than shared interests.

'Australia really is just one big country town,' one social media user noted.

'Our geographical isolation shapes how we form relationships. Friendships are built on shared history—like school or university—rather than shared interests.'

This historical context helps explain why conversations often start with 'Which school did you go to?'—it is a way to establish social credentials and common ground.

The health risks of isolation

For older Australians, social gatekeeping is more than inconvenient—it can be dangerous.

Loneliness increases the risk of premature death as much as obesity, smoking and physical inactivity and is a recognised risk factor for chronic diseases such as heart disease, diabetes and dementia.

Rural and regional older adults face additional barriers including limited transport, higher disability rates, poverty and reduced access to health services, leaving them particularly vulnerable to isolation.

The good news is that understanding the problem is the first step to solving it.

Experts suggest older Australians try joining activity-based groups rather than purely social ones, attending regular activities, exploring council initiatives, and using existing hobbies as a starting point for meeting new people.

Persistence is key.

Unlike younger people who may expect instant chemistry, forming meaningful friendships later in life often requires consistent contact over time and engaging in deeper conversations.

Communities are responding.

Monash University research shows that one in five older Australians feel lonely, especially those aged 75 and over, with rates rising to between 35 to 61 per cent for aged care residents.

Community programs and cultural change

Many councils now run programs specifically designed to combat social isolation, and activities such as volunteering, paid work, or caring for others are shown to safeguard against loneliness.

A broader cultural shift is also needed.

Social boundaries that characterise Australian friendship culture must be consciously challenged to reduce isolation.

Some Australians recognise the problem.

One social media commenter admitted: 'I'm sick to death of introducing friends and then somehow I'm the one left out. So yes, I gatekeep.'

While understandable, this mindset perpetuates the cycle that keeps newcomers isolated.

Breaking down social barriers requires both individual effort and community-wide recognition that traditional friendship models may do more harm than good, particularly as more Australians find themselves restarting social connections later in life.

If you’ve ever struggled to turn casual acquaintances into true friends, there’s a story that explores exactly how to do it in real life.

It follows someone who successfully navigated the challenges of forming lasting connections, offering practical tips along the way.

Reading about their journey can inspire and guide anyone looking to build deeper, more meaningful friendships.

What's your experience with Australian friendship culture—have you managed to break into established circles or found ways to form new connections later in life?