[mOiOz]

FUN ONE-LINERS​

FUN ONE-LINERS

I read that 4,153,237 people got married last year. Not to cause any trouble, but shouldn't that be an even number?

If I had a dollar for every girl who found me unattractive, they would eventually find me attractive.

I find it ironic that the colours red, white, and blue stand for freedom until they are flashing behind you.

When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90% of their body... men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.

A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.

My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that.

I think my neighbor is stalking me, as she's been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.

Money talks ...but all mine ever says is goodbye.

If you think nobody cares whether you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.

I always wondered what the job application is like at Hooters. Do they just give you a bra and say, “Here, fill this out?”

The pharmacist asked me my birth date again today. I'm pretty sure she's going to get me something.

On average, an Australian man will have sex two to three times a week. Whereas, a Japanese man will have sex only one or two times a year. This is very upsetting news to me. I had no idea I was Japanese.

The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can be in a robe before you start looking like a mental patient.

I think it's pretty cool how Chinese people made a language entirely out of tattoos.

Money can't buy happiness, but it keeps the kids in touch!