Note from the Editor:
This article was written for the SDC by psychologist and member @Jan A. Jan A. works part-time, taking on clients under the Medicare Mental Health Care Plans. She works with people of all ages, from children to seniors!

CONTENT WARNING: Please be aware that this article deals with a distressing matter. It may be upsetting to some readers. If you proceed, please do so with caution.
Missed Part 1? Read it here.

Have you been in a relationship with someone who constantly causes you to doubt yourself?​

In personal relationships, habitual liars manipulate others, especially romantic partners. They engage in ‘gaslighting’ to make you think you are the one at fault. They accuse you of constantly misunderstanding what they have said, that you don’t listen, that you are too stupid to follow instructions or too forgetful to do what you both agreed on. In fact, they change their story to control and confuse you.

In your relationship:

• Does the other person constantly break promises?
• Do they fail to turn up when you arrange to meet?
• Do they complain they are perpetually short of money for no good reason?
• Do they often borrow money that they never pay back?
• Do they always have excuses for missing planned events like birthday celebrations?
• Do they always have some excuse showing that it is not their fault?

Maybe they claim their car broke down or a friend urgently called them for a lift somewhere. They may say they were required to go into work at the last minute and could not call because their phone was out of charge. They want to keep control of their relationship with their target, but do whatever they like at the same time.


Their excuses are lies to account for their absence. It would not be surprising if they are involved with someone else. They may be gambling or drug-taking, accounting for their being chronically short of money and going missing for long stretches of time. Sadly, sometimes the target person becomes accustomed to these behaviours and strongly resists any suggestion that they are being lied to.

Habitual liars tell you whatever they think you will accept rather than admitting the truth. If you challenge them, they become angry and accuse you of being untrusting or controlling. They tell others, particularly family members, that you are mentally ill.

By this time, you may look mentally unwell because the partner is causing you self-doubt and confusion on a daily basis, no doubt at the same time telling you how much they care about you and want you to get help.

In extreme cases, they may escalate into trying to persuade you that everyone would be better off without you and that suicide is your only option. Protect yourself by getting away from the controlling person immediately.

Have you encountered anyone who has been a target of an internet romance scam?​