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Football jokes
Football jokes
Football jokes
VS 
North Melbourne will win today
Q. What do you do for a drowning St Kilda player?Football jokes
VS 
North Melbourne will win today
A. Nothing. You could drag him to the top, but he'll choke anyway.
Q. What's the difference between Essendon and an arsonist?
A. An arsonist wouldn't waste 22 matches.
Fremantle are bringing out a new bra! Plenty of support, soft and no CUP!!!
Did you hear that the Post Office has had to recall their latest stamps?
They had pictures of Collingwood players on them. People couldn't figure out which side to spit on.
Did you hear about the politician who was found dead in a Fremantle jersey?
The police had to dress him up in women's underwear in order to save his family from the embarrassment.
Four surgeons are taking a coffee break. The first one says, "Accountants are the best to operate on because when you open them up everything inside them is numbered."
The second surgeon says, "Nah, librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order."
Third surgeon says, "Try electricians. Everything inside them is colour-coded."
The fourth one says, "I prefer Carlton players. They're heartless, spineless, gutless and their heads and arses are interchangeable."
A man meets a friend and sees that his friend's car is total write-off and covered with leaves, grass, branches, dirt and blood.
He asks his friend "What's happened to your car ?"
"Well," the friend responds, "I ran over Adam Mcphee".
"OK," says the man, "that explains the blood. But what about the leaves, the grass, the branches and the dirt?"
"Well, he tried to escape through the park."
Q. If you see a Collingwood fan on a bicycle, why should you never swerve to hit him?
A. It could be your bicycle.
Q. What do Collingwood fans and sperm have in common?
A. One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
Q. What do you have when 100 Essendon fans are buried up to their necks in sand?
A. Not enough sand.
Q. What's the difference between a dead dog on the road and a dead Fremantle fan on the road?
A. There are skid marks in front of the dog.
Q. You're trapped in a room with a tiger, a rattlesnake and a Port fan. You have a gun with two bullets. What do you do?
A. Shoot the Port fan - twice.
Q. What's the difference between a female Essendon fan and a Pit bull?
A. Lipstick
Q. Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an intelligent Carlton fan, and an old drunk are walking down the street together when they simultaneously spot a $100.00 note. Who gets it?
A. The drunk, of course; the other three are mythical creatures.
Q. What do Port Fans use for birth control?
A. Their personalities.
Q. What is the difference between a Collingwood Fan and a trampoline?
A. You take off your shoes to jump on a trampoline.
Q. What do you call 5000 dead Carlton Fans at the bottom of the ocean?
A. A good start.
A Essendon fan dies on match day and goes to heaven in his Essendon jumper. He knocks on the old pearly gates and out walks St Peter in a Tigers scarf.
"Hello, mate," says St Peter, "I'm sorry, no Essendon fans in heaven."
"What?" exclaims the man, astonished.
"You heard. No Essendon fans."
"But, but, but, I've been a good man," replies the Essendon supporter.
"Oh, really?" says St Peter. "What have you done then?"
"Well," says the guy, "three weeks before I died, I gave 20 bucks to the starving children in Africa."
"Oh," says St Peter. "Anything else?"
"Well, two weeks before I died, I also gave 20 bucks to the homeless."
"Hmmm. Anything else?"
"Yeah. A week before I died, I gave 20 bucks to the Albanian orphans."
"Okay," says St Peter, "you wait here a minute while I have a word with the governor."
Ten minutes pass before St Peter returns. He looks the bloke In the eye and says, "I've had a word with God and he agrees with me. Here's your sixty bucks back, now get lost."
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