Courtesy takes centre stage in middle seat battle: 'Are you going to be rude all flight?'

There's arguably no seat on a plane that sparks more dread than the middle one. Sandwiched between strangers, with no window view and no aisle access, it's aviation purgatory. But what happens when the people flanking you are actually travelling together, and you become an unwitting barrier between them?

That's exactly the dilemma that recently erupted on social media, dividing passengers into heated camps over a seemingly simple question: who's being rude here?

A pair of sisters recently found themselves at the centre of a fierce online debate after one took to social media to share their mid-flight encounter.

The sisters had booked an aisle and window seat respectively, leaving the middle seat for a stranger, a common strategy used by travellers hoping the seat might remain empty.

When a passenger claimed the middle seat, she immediately asked if the sisters wanted to swap so they could sit together. The sisters politely declined, preferring their chosen seats. That's when things took a turn.

The tale of two sisters and one very frustrated passenger

According to the social media post, the middle passenger became increasingly agitated when one sister passed a small snack bag to the other across her space. ''Are you two going to be rude and pass things to each other all flight?'' the woman reportedly said, continuing to complain about how 'rude' the siblings were being throughout the journey.

The incident struck a nerve online, with over a thousand comments weighing in on airline etiquette, personal space, and what constitutes reasonable behaviour at 35,000 feet.

What the experts actually say

While social media users remained divided, aviation etiquette experts and flight attendants are remarkably consistent on the fundamental rules of air travel behaviour. The golden rule of flying? The middle seat passenger gets both armrests as compensation for having the least desirable spot on the plane.

'Flight attendants say it plainly—the middle seat gets the armrests. No ifs, ands, or elbows about it,' according to multiple industry sources.

The reasoning comes down to basic fairness: airlines are squeezing more money out of every flight at passengers' expense, so fellow travellers need to be understanding and empathetic.

But what about passing items across someone? While not explicitly covered in most etiquette guides, the general principle is clear: talking over or repeatedly disturbing the person in the middle seat 'for more than a few minutes just isn't a nice thing to do.'

Understanding both sides of the aisle

The sisters' perspective seems straightforward enough: they booked and paid for their preferred seats, and were simply sharing a snack between them. From their view, one quick pass of a small item hardly constitutes sustained rudeness, especially when they planned to remain settled for most of the flight.

However, the middle passenger's frustration isn't entirely unreasonable either. Aeroplane seats are already uncomfortably small, and middle seat passengers typically have 'body parts of the passengers on either side ramming into them repeatedly.'

The prospect of spending hours having items passed over your head and personal space repeatedly invaded would understandably set anyone on edge.

As one expert notes, 'A passenger willing to argue about sharing an armrest is probably willing to argue over just about anything.' Much of air travel etiquette depends on collective goodwill and a 'we're all in this together attitude' that not everyone will adhere to.

The Australian flying experience

This dilemma is particularly relevant for Australian travellers, who are flying more than ever. Recent government statistics show domestic passenger numbers are up significantly from previous years and well above pre-COVID levels.

With fuller flights and tighter seating, these etiquette dilemmas are becoming increasingly common on routes between Sydney, Melbourne, Brisbane, and beyond.

How to handle the middle seat dilemma

If you find yourself in the sisters' position—travelling separately but in the same row—consider these approaches:

Before the flight: Ask at check-in if you can switch to seats together, even if it means paying a small fee. This avoids the entire situation.

During boarding: If you need to ask someone to switch seats, ensure it's a fair trade - 'aisle for aisle or window for window. Asking someone to take your middle seat to take their aisle seat is not a fair exchange.'

If you must pass items: Do it quickly, apologise for the disruption, and limit it to essential items only. Better yet, ensure each person has what they need before settling in.

Communication is key: As etiquette experts suggest, have a conversation with your neighbour: 'Lucky us, we have this beautiful square of skyspace to share.'

If you're the middle seat passenger feeling squeezed, etiquette experts recommend speaking up politely: 'Ask for some armrest space, and if necessary, point out that you have less room in your seat.' If that doesn't work, mention something discreetly to a flight attendant when you get up to use the restroom.

The bigger picture

This story highlights something deeper about modern air travel: seats are narrower, legroom is reduced, and once-free amenities now come with fees. Delayed flights, long security lines, and unexpected charges put travellers in bad moods even before takeoff. In this environment, small courtesies become magnified, and minor inconveniences can feel major.

The best advice? 'Take a deep breath and take the high road, even if your neighbour is looking for conflict.' Most passenger disputes stem from stress, discomfort, and the general unpleasantness of modern flying rather than genuine malice.

As our skies get busier and our seats get smaller, perhaps the real solution isn't finding who's right or wrong in these situations, but remembering that we're all just trying to get somewhere. A little patience, a genuine apology when needed, and remembering the unspoken rules of flying can go a long way toward making the journey pleasant for everyone involved.