Avoid turning off your partner with this 'mode'–here's what experts are warning about

As any seasoned couple out there will know–relationships aren't easy.

Whether you've been married, dating or something in between, one thing's for sure: figuring out your partner's needs and wants will never cease to be a difficult task.

Although the situation is even more complicated when it comes to the bedroom, we should all remember when things are getting a bit heated that whatever we're up to (or not up to) when we're with our partner, we don't want them to switch off.


That's why Aussie Sex Expert Nadia Bodoky recently revealed an alarming truth about the 'toxic' habit many people do that is an 'instant bedroom turn off'.



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Sex Expert Nadia Bodoky revealed a habit that turns off most people. Credit: We-Vibe Toys/Unsplash


Bodoky exposed the secret 'mode' that everyone must absolutely avoid–Sexual Comparison Mode (or SCM).

She shared that even during one romantic weekend away, she found herself bringing up her partner's former flame.

It goes without saying that this may have put a damper on their flame, so to speak.

Although it may not seem like a huge deal, SCM is a sneaky form of self-sabotage that can ruin your performance in bed if you don't catch it. It's rooted in an innate insecurity and need to know that we are the best they have ever had–not too healthy, right?

‘I've stumbled into Sexual Comparison Mode (SCM); a toxic practice most of us have been guilty of, involving comparing ourselves to a significant other's past sexual partner,’ she said.

‘It's rooted in insecurity and an innate, albeit narcissistic, need to know we take the cake—that, as far as lovers go, we're the best our (partner) has ever had,’ she added.


And apparently, she wasn't alone when it comes to this kind of behaviour.

Bodoky featured the results of an EliteSingles survey, which found that around 30 per cent of women and 21 per cent of men compare their current partner's bedroom performance with an ex.

Unfortunately, it's not just bad for a person’s confidence–SCM can have a particularly strong and negative impact on relationships and sexual lives.

In fact, according to Bodoky, previous studies suggested that men who 'focus on their insecurities in a relationship' will have a more rapid decline in their sexual desire than men who feel secure.


Considering this, it's no surprise that Psychosexual Therapist Christopher Brett-Renes had a few stern words of warning on the issue.

Christopher, who spoke to Bodoky for her article, said: 'Going into comparison mode isn't going to turn on your sexual partner. If anything, it will push them away or cause an argument.'

He continued: 'People often overlook the fact that an ex is the ex for a reason, it doesn't matter what the sex was like. Don't let your insecurity damage your relationship—your partner IS WITH YOU.'

Bodoky had another piece of advice for this. While it's fairly normal to compare ourselves to others, she explained that as ‘long as you don't make sexual comparison the focus of your relationship, it's possible to recover from it'.

‘Even the most self-assured of us aren't immune to the odd insecurity freak-out on a bad day,’ Bodoky added.


Key Takeaways
  • A sex expert named Nadia Bodoky has highlighted a toxic habit known as 'Sexual Comparison Mode' (SCM) that some people display during romantic activities.
  • SCM involves comparing ourselves to a significant other's past sexual partner and can negatively affect the sexual experience and relationship.
  • A survey by EliteSingles reveals that about 30 per cent of women and 21 per cent of men compare their current partner's bedroom performance with an ex.
  • Brett-Renes, a Psychosexual Therapist, warns that engaging in comparison mode can push your partner away or cause arguments and may harm the relationship.

So, members, if you can identify with this issue, don't worry–you're not alone!

If ever similar thoughts come creeping into your mind, remember: your partner is with you, and that's the most important thing.

So, what do you think of this story, members? Have you ever compared yourself to a partner’s former lover? How did you address it? And do you have advice for others in the same situation?

Let us know in the comments below!
 
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Communication is critical, especially when it comes to intimacy. It’s so important to keep that dialogue open about needs and desires. It's easy to forget that both partners should feel connected and engaged when things heat up. Trying to understand each other can enhance the bond even during challenging moments.
 
It’s super important to keep things relaxed and open in a relationship. When we slip into that 'mode' where we’re too serious or critical, it can dampen things. Being yourself, sharing laughs, and being kind can go a long way.Check-in with your partner regularly to see how they’re feeling. Keeping the lines of communication open helps prevent misunderstandings. If something is bothering you, talk about it, but do it comfortably. No one wants to feel attacked or put on the spot!Check out this site https://tosituhma.com/ for more tips on keeping the spark alive and avoiding relationship pitfalls.
 
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