Avoid turning off your partner with this 'mode'–here's what experts are warning about
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As any seasoned couple out there will know–relationships aren't easy.
Whether you've been married, dating or something in between, one thing's for sure: figuring out your partner's needs and wants will never cease to be a difficult task.
Although the situation is even more complicated when it comes to the bedroom, we should all remember when things are getting a bit heated that whatever we're up to (or not up to) when we're with our partner, we don't want them to switch off.
That's why Aussie Sex Expert Nadia Bodoky recently revealed an alarming truth about the 'toxic' habit many people do that is an 'instant bedroom turn off'.
Bodoky exposed the secret 'mode' that everyone must absolutely avoid–Sexual Comparison Mode (or SCM).
She shared that even during one romantic weekend away, she found herself bringing up her partner's former flame.
It goes without saying that this may have put a damper on their flame, so to speak.
Although it may not seem like a huge deal, SCM is a sneaky form of self-sabotage that can ruin your performance in bed if you don't catch it. It's rooted in an innate insecurity and need to know that we are the best they have ever had–not too healthy, right?
‘I've stumbled into Sexual Comparison Mode (SCM); a toxic practice most of us have been guilty of, involving comparing ourselves to a significant other's past sexual partner,’ she said.
‘It's rooted in insecurity and an innate, albeit narcissistic, need to know we take the cake—that, as far as lovers go, we're the best our (partner) has ever had,’ she added.
And apparently, she wasn't alone when it comes to this kind of behaviour.
Bodoky featured the results of an EliteSingles survey, which found that around 30 per cent of women and 21 per cent of men compare their current partner's bedroom performance with an ex.
Unfortunately, it's not just bad for a person’s confidence–SCM can have a particularly strong and negative impact on relationships and sexual lives.
In fact, according to Bodoky, previous studies suggested that men who 'focus on their insecurities in a relationship' will have a more rapid decline in their sexual desire than men who feel secure.
Considering this, it's no surprise that Psychosexual Therapist Christopher Brett-Renes had a few stern words of warning on the issue.
Christopher, who spoke to Bodoky for her article, said: 'Going into comparison mode isn't going to turn on your sexual partner. If anything, it will push them away or cause an argument.'
He continued: 'People often overlook the fact that an ex is the ex for a reason, it doesn't matter what the sex was like. Don't let your insecurity damage your relationship—your partner IS WITH YOU.'
Bodoky had another piece of advice for this. While it's fairly normal to compare ourselves to others, she explained that as ‘long as you don't make sexual comparison the focus of your relationship, it's possible to recover from it'.
‘Even the most self-assured of us aren't immune to the odd insecurity freak-out on a bad day,’ Bodoky added.
So, members, if you can identify with this issue, don't worry–you're not alone!
If ever similar thoughts come creeping into your mind, remember: your partner is with you, and that's the most important thing.
So, what do you think of this story, members? Have you ever compared yourself to a partner’s former lover? How did you address it? And do you have advice for others in the same situation?
Let us know in the comments below!
Whether you've been married, dating or something in between, one thing's for sure: figuring out your partner's needs and wants will never cease to be a difficult task.
Although the situation is even more complicated when it comes to the bedroom, we should all remember when things are getting a bit heated that whatever we're up to (or not up to) when we're with our partner, we don't want them to switch off.
That's why Aussie Sex Expert Nadia Bodoky recently revealed an alarming truth about the 'toxic' habit many people do that is an 'instant bedroom turn off'.
Sex Expert Nadia Bodoky revealed a habit that turns off most people. Credit: We-Vibe Toys/Unsplash
Bodoky exposed the secret 'mode' that everyone must absolutely avoid–Sexual Comparison Mode (or SCM).
She shared that even during one romantic weekend away, she found herself bringing up her partner's former flame.
It goes without saying that this may have put a damper on their flame, so to speak.
Although it may not seem like a huge deal, SCM is a sneaky form of self-sabotage that can ruin your performance in bed if you don't catch it. It's rooted in an innate insecurity and need to know that we are the best they have ever had–not too healthy, right?
‘I've stumbled into Sexual Comparison Mode (SCM); a toxic practice most of us have been guilty of, involving comparing ourselves to a significant other's past sexual partner,’ she said.
‘It's rooted in insecurity and an innate, albeit narcissistic, need to know we take the cake—that, as far as lovers go, we're the best our (partner) has ever had,’ she added.
And apparently, she wasn't alone when it comes to this kind of behaviour.
Bodoky featured the results of an EliteSingles survey, which found that around 30 per cent of women and 21 per cent of men compare their current partner's bedroom performance with an ex.
Unfortunately, it's not just bad for a person’s confidence–SCM can have a particularly strong and negative impact on relationships and sexual lives.
In fact, according to Bodoky, previous studies suggested that men who 'focus on their insecurities in a relationship' will have a more rapid decline in their sexual desire than men who feel secure.
Considering this, it's no surprise that Psychosexual Therapist Christopher Brett-Renes had a few stern words of warning on the issue.
Christopher, who spoke to Bodoky for her article, said: 'Going into comparison mode isn't going to turn on your sexual partner. If anything, it will push them away or cause an argument.'
He continued: 'People often overlook the fact that an ex is the ex for a reason, it doesn't matter what the sex was like. Don't let your insecurity damage your relationship—your partner IS WITH YOU.'
Bodoky had another piece of advice for this. While it's fairly normal to compare ourselves to others, she explained that as ‘long as you don't make sexual comparison the focus of your relationship, it's possible to recover from it'.
‘Even the most self-assured of us aren't immune to the odd insecurity freak-out on a bad day,’ Bodoky added.
So, members, if you can identify with this issue, don't worry–you're not alone!
If ever similar thoughts come creeping into your mind, remember: your partner is with you, and that's the most important thing.
So, what do you think of this story, members? Have you ever compared yourself to a partner’s former lover? How did you address it? And do you have advice for others in the same situation?
Let us know in the comments below!
