Xe

Well-known member
Oct 7, 2021
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AIBU for telling my parents I would not care for my obese brother?

When my little brother Teddy was born, his umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck. According to my mom, he wasn't breathing for at least three minutes. Since then my parents often used that as an excuse for Teddy's behavior. My childhood became a living hell with Teddy.

"Give Teddy your candy! He died coming into this world"

"Let him play with your friends! He died coming into this world!"

"Let him open your presents! Teddy almost didn't have a birthday!"

I had to put up with Teddy's tantrums, abuse, fits, and bad behavior. If I touched a single hair on his head, I got punished while Teddy got away with whatever he did. It became so bad that when I was 15, I moved out of the house to live with family members away from Teddy. My contact with my parents and Teddy is limited. Currently, I'm 35 and Teddy is 26. When he was 18, he decided he wanted to be a competitive eater which turned into just eating. Teddy now weighs almost 600lbs.

Cause of his weight, he can't hold a job and lives with our parents who still cater to him and pay for everything. Since Teddy requires round-the-clock care, my parents hardly leave the house. They weren't present at my wedding, only see the grandkids if I bring them around and all family events like dinners have to held at their house cause it's hard to move Teddy. A few days ago Teddy suffered a bad fall that put him in the hospital. My husband and I at least came to see him.

My parents complained that the hospital wasn't feeding him enough, didn't have a wheelchair big enough for him and naturally they didn't want to hear anything about his weight. It would be easier to turn water into gold. To make a long story short, my parents pulled my husband and me aside and asked a large amount of money for Teddy's care. They said that they didn't have money to keep caring for him and were having to dip into their retirement funds. They even suggested that once Teddy is cleared to go home, he move in with us cause my husband and I are well off with a bigger house and so "We can get a break cause we have to care for him all year round while you just visit."

I said no. My husband told them hell no! We both work full-time. Our kids are enrolled in sports and dance. We made it clear that Teddy would not be moving in with us nor would we be moving our schedule around to deal with him or giving them the money even though we could afford it.

"He's your brother! You almost didn't have a brother!"

We left the hospital. My mom later called me, berating me for abandoning the family and Teddy and demanding money. I told her I would not care for Teddy under any circumstances. Even if something happened to her and my dad, I would not care for my brother and he's her problem. Not mine. My mom cursed me out over the phone and hung up. I do feel a little bad cause Teddy is my brother but he made my life hell and my parents refuse to take any responsibility for his behavior. AIBU?

Source: www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qwarun/
 
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When my little brother Teddy was born, his umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck. According to my mom, he wasn't breathing for at least three minutes. Since then my parents often used that as an excuse for Teddy's behavior. My childhood became a living hell with Teddy.

"Give Teddy your candy! He died coming into this world"

"Let him play with your friends! He died coming into this world!"

"Let him open your presents! Teddy almost didn't have a birthday!"

I had to put up with Teddy's tantrums, abuse, fits, and bad behavior. If I touched a single hair on his head, I got punished while Teddy got away with whatever he did. It became so bad that when I was 15, I moved out of the house to live with family members away from Teddy. My contact with my parents and Teddy is limited. Currently, I'm 35 and Teddy is 26. When he was 18, he decided he wanted to be a competitive eater which turned into just eating. Teddy now weighs almost 600lbs.

Cause of his weight, he can't hold a job and lives with our parents who still cater to him and pay for everything. Since Teddy requires round-the-clock care, my parents hardly leave the house. They weren't present at my wedding, only see the grandkids if I bring them around and all family events like dinners have to held at their house cause it's hard to move Teddy. A few days ago Teddy suffered a bad fall that put him in the hospital. My husband and I at least came to see him.

My parents complained that the hospital wasn't feeding him enough, didn't have a wheelchair big enough for him and naturally they didn't want to hear anything about his weight. It would be easier to turn water into gold. To make a long story short, my parents pulled my husband and me aside and asked a large amount of money for Teddy's care. They said that they didn't have money to keep caring for him and were having to dip into their retirement funds. They even suggested that once Teddy is cleared to go home, he move in with us cause my husband and I are well off with a bigger house and so "We can get a break cause we have to care for him all year round while you just visit."

I said no. My husband told them hell no! We both work full-time. Our kids are enrolled in sports and dance. We made it clear that Teddy would not be moving in with us nor would we be moving our schedule around to deal with him or giving them the money even though we could afford it.

"He's your brother! You almost didn't have a brother!"

We left the hospital. My mom later called me, berating me for abandoning the family and Teddy and demanding money. I told her I would not care for Teddy under any circumstances. Even if something happened to her and my dad, I would not care for my brother and he's her problem. Not mine. My mom cursed me out over the phone and hung up. I do feel a little bad cause Teddy is my brother but he made my life hell and my parents refuse to take any responsibility for his behavior. AIBU?

Source: www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qwarun/
Your first responsibility is the happiness and well being of your children and husband. It is not your job to support them. If Teddy needs care then they should get outside help for him.
 
When my little brother Teddy was born, his umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck. According to my mom, he wasn't breathing for at least three minutes. Since then my parents often used that as an excuse for Teddy's behavior. My childhood became a living hell with Teddy.

"Give Teddy your candy! He died coming into this world"

"Let him play with your friends! He died coming into this world!"

"Let him open your presents! Teddy almost didn't have a birthday!"

I had to put up with Teddy's tantrums, abuse, fits, and bad behavior. If I touched a single hair on his head, I got punished while Teddy got away with whatever he did. It became so bad that when I was 15, I moved out of the house to live with family members away from Teddy. My contact with my parents and Teddy is limited. Currently, I'm 35 and Teddy is 26. When he was 18, he decided he wanted to be a competitive eater which turned into just eating. Teddy now weighs almost 600lbs.

Cause of his weight, he can't hold a job and lives with our parents who still cater to him and pay for everything. Since Teddy requires round-the-clock care, my parents hardly leave the house. They weren't present at my wedding, only see the grandkids if I bring them around and all family events like dinners have to held at their house cause it's hard to move Teddy. A few days ago Teddy suffered a bad fall that put him in the hospital. My husband and I at least came to see him.

My parents complained that the hospital wasn't feeding him enough, didn't have a wheelchair big enough for him and naturally they didn't want to hear anything about his weight. It would be easier to turn water into gold. To make a long story short, my parents pulled my husband and me aside and asked a large amount of money for Teddy's care. They said that they didn't have money to keep caring for him and were having to dip into their retirement funds. They even suggested that once Teddy is cleared to go home, he move in with us cause my husband and I are well off with a bigger house and so "We can get a break cause we have to care for him all year round while you just visit."

I said no. My husband told them hell no! We both work full-time. Our kids are enrolled in sports and dance. We made it clear that Teddy would not be moving in with us nor would we be moving our schedule around to deal with him or giving them the money even though we could afford it.

"He's your brother! You almost didn't have a brother!"

We left the hospital. My mom later called me, berating me for abandoning the family and Teddy and demanding money. I told her I would not care for Teddy under any circumstances. Even if something happened to her and my dad, I would not care for my brother and he's her problem. Not mine. My mom cursed me out over the phone and hung up. I do feel a little bad cause Teddy is my brother but he made my life hell and my parents refuse to take any responsibility for his behavior. AIBU?

Source: www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qwarun/
You stick to your guns. Teddy is an adult & can go into care, nursing home if your parents can't look after him. Don't fall for the guilt trip they're laying on you. Look after your own family. If you are well off, maybe offer to pay towards a lap band surgery & counseling for them. It's their choice to look after him, not your job.
 

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